Sunday, January 13, 2013

We're All Pretty Bizzare

"We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. "
                                                                               --Andrew Clark, The Breakfast Club
Yes, I'm watching 80's movies. 
Anyways, I moved back to campus yesterday and even went shopping for groceries. Pretty healthy stuff honestly. Considering that I went with my friend (a guy, I'd identify him but I have so many friends that are guys you all would just get lost if I tried to pinpoint them. Let's leave it at I'm not involved with him, I don't like him that way, and he's pretty cool) I didn't get anything really crazy. I got oatmeal, eggs, pasta, frozen veggies, popcorn, some frozen pizza, and ice cream. Everything up to the pizza and ice cream is okay. However, the ice cream is gone, it was a pint, but I don't feel terrible about it because I actually ate it over two days, which is a miracle. Never have I ever only eaten half a pint of ice cream when the other half is accessible and I won't even be judged for eating it. I'm actually slightly proud. The pizza I haven't cooked, but I fully expect it to serve as four days worth of total calories. You know, cut it into four and that one piece is it for the day, probably around like 500 cal but eh it will be a while until I eat it. I know it sounds strange for me to be proud at all of anything dealing with things like this but I mean normally I would just abuse myself about it and feel bad, but then do it again. Because inside all of us is some rebellious little twat that gets off on doing things that it shouldn't. Admit it, even though you know it's wrong, you get a thrill when you cheat on a diet. Things are always better when they are denied, somehow they are more enjoyable. I've realized that all of that thrill that I would shove down under a pile of barraging insults resulted in a vicious cycle that made me fat with low self esteem. All self inflicted. So no, I'm not going to go out and buy more ice cream anytime soon, I don't even want to, but I also see that I have made some progress in controlling how I eat and it's not a lusty relationship going on. :)
I cooked myself dinner today, it was pretty meh just some pasta with cannelli beans. And I had some popcorn, which is also gone now (sigh tiny bags). I'm not going out to shop anymore so it's pretty much when stuff is gone, it's gone for good. 
Sadly, I have no idea what I weigh because I took ONE BATTERY out of my scale so it wouldn't keep turning on when I packed it and I left the damn battery at home. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I look skinnier though. Oh and I was right, Mother Nature was at my door, same day I wrote my last post lol. Therefore, when it's finally over I'll be even lighter and better looking!! 
I know I look a lot better than I did when I left for winter break because I saw my friends today that I see normally but haven't seen at all over break because they all left the country, and they were all so nice and complimentary! Like my one friend who normally hates when I attack with hugs took one look at me and it's all "oh give me a hug blah blah blah" he did the same thing when I was leaving too. Mhmm. Then these other guys I know (more outlier types I don't know them that well) all of a sudden act like I exist. They must have asked me about break fifty million times and just randomly calling my name for no reason at all. Strange. Weirder even more this other guy I know (who's gf lives on my dorm floor) ran into me going up the stairwell while he was coming out of it about to go down the hall to his gf's room was all "You look very lovely today," and like held the stairwell door for me...*eyebrow raise*. So apparently all the changes I've noticed are not all in my head. All I have to do is keep it up, keep pushing, just keep getting thinner and it all gets better.
Here we go.
Scarlet ^_^
PS: My roommate is slightly less strange, and I'm hanging with the bff tomorrow instead because she forgot she had to go to a bday party today. Sigh silly girl lol

1 comment:

  1. It's good to hear that your return to campus has been pretty good so far! :) And I think it's awesome that you're learning to understand your 'relationship' with food better!