Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Weight loss and a new boy...

Okay so I'm back down to 236.5 and i think it will only go lower as long as i don't screw anything up, tho mi parent's anniversary is SUNDAY and they want to go somewhere to EAT. I've been good lately, yesterday i only had: 2 peaches, an orange, 1 1/2 bananas, and a rasberry green tea smoothie, oh and fruit and veggie juices. not bad and i lost 2 pounds. if i keep this up i could be below 235 by sunday. like 233 or 234. that would make me pretty happy.
now i kno what you guys are thinking: okay, weight loss, blah, blah, blah, get to the good stuff: who's the new boy?? The new boy is in my Political Science class and i just met him yesterday and he's adorable and a sweetheart and with this new lost-weight-and-still-losing confidence i've found i talked to him and found out he's a FRESHMAN. Freshman means 18, which means that he's only one and a half years older than me and i have a snowball's chance of getting asked to the fall dance(unless it's already passed??). we will call him EK as i am sure he will be making more apperances. JH is so screwed now. in one day i have found a cuter, sweeter, YOUNGER, replacement for him. i highly doubt EK will be as emotionally screwed up as JH. so YAY!!!
I am getting back in touch with mi friends now that everyone is back at school and not busy. I just found out that mi friend NM just took her PCATs (at mi uni campus no less!) and is awaiting her results, and mi other friend MK had to register late so he got crappy classes, and JB, has dropped off the face of the earth facebook-wise. JB was supposed to be going to this school up in michigan, but no one knows because JB is now apparently "unavailable". I will update you on that when i get the new info.
Mi other friend BK went to NEW YORK over the summer with her friends and now i'm all jealous because she gets to go to new york and i've never been and she so THIN. she's about mi height and weighs about 120, 110?? She's korean so if you've seen most asian girls you know what i'm talking about. and she has all these great clothes too!!!
so anyway hopefully next time i will be BELOW 235!! and have a new LW!!!
Scarlet <3

Monday, August 24, 2009

KFC's Double Down Sandwich: Is Chicken Instead Of Bread Going Too Far? (VIDEO)
In the midst of a staggering obesity epidemic in the US, KFC has doubled down on a high-calorie menu choice. KFC is now offering a "sandwich" which consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken.
Just read this on mi cousin's facebook...What the HELL?!?!?
BTW if y'all have a facebook (secret), hit me up, Ana Love. I'm the one with the manga pic (just in case there are ne more "ana love" named ppl on FB.

FOOD/WATER Weight!!!! ahhhhh!

Hey y'all,
so i hit 235 on sunday!!! I was so happy. and then i weighed myself at night and was 237.5, which i was okay with cuz it was going to go away. then i weighed myself later that night and the scale said: 239. hmmmm....I had bumped mi scale but not hard or anything. i woke up this morning and the scale said...238.5!!! WTFWTFWTFWTF!?! I know i didn't eat 12250cals OVER what mi body can burn. i don't even eat that in like maybe a week and a half, so i kno it must be water food weight but i can't stand it! I want 235 back, it's a beautiful number(for now) because the next step down is 229...I need to see losses to keep going...i don't want to have to starve(more than i am, kinda) and kill mi metabolism but this is the type of stuff that will drive me to do that. I'm serious, i feel FAT when i don't see losses. I'm doing better than normal ppl, but i don't want to be normal. from my last post hell, you can see I'm NOT NORMAL. okay, i kno, but losses will make me happy.
Okay, i started back at school today!! my entire campus is full of thinspo and i feel like a whale. a smaller whale from last semester but a whale. so i'm pushing on!!! I like my classes so far and i'm going to haul ass (so much to pull...tear) at the gym tomoro since it's free and everything. so hopefully next time i'll be lower than 235... hope you guys are doing great and losing weight!!!!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hey Y'all,
so another bad day yesterday. I kno, i kno, i'm doing so well, why all these bad days. idk, tbh. i really just don't kno. I mean, I'm pretty sure i stayed under 1500cals (*crosses fingers and prays*), and most of what i ate wasn't that bad EXCEPT, the 440cal chocolate bar i woofed in the car w/o my parents knowledge on the ride home. I guess i should tell you guys that when i was younger i was a dynamo when it came to stealing, eating, and hiding food. it's been a problem forever and i accredit most of my weight to it. you name it i did it. I would steal ingredients and make cookie dough in mi room and eat it, or make batter, or buy candy at gas stations w/o my parents knowing, or buying it at places like walgreen's when they have those 3/1.00 sales. so this was one of those times. i impulsively bought a chocolate bar for a dollar at one of those world market stores. then i ate it in the car on the ride home and felt guilty as hell. But i should mention that i was 237 yesterday, so YAY!! i don't deserve it but i've been essentially praying my weight off. don't laugh, i'm serious. every night i'm all "God please let me be lighter than (current weight) tomorrow, please, please, please" and then continue with the rest of my prayer. and it's been working. since i started that i've lost 3.5lbs this week. amazing. i did it when i learned that that's what my mom has been doing. she works at a catholic hospital so she goes to their chapel and prays everyday on her lunch break. and she weighs 180lbs. back in 2006 she weighed 230. and she's lazy as hell and never works out. well, she's started walking recently but she hates it. anyway i've found it works. so hopefully my praying, walking, and biking yesterday will offset all the stuff i ate. I weighed 239 today, but that's w/o BM and i plan on getting an enema and taking some sort of laxie like senna or something to rid myself of the food weight and i should be 235 by monday. also, i went clothes shopping yesterday and bought a pair of size 16 jeans that look freaking hot on me. if i can get mi hands on my mom camera i will take a pic and show you guys. so i've dropped one size so far!!! I also bought a new pair of goal jeans. I kno i have some gap cordoroys i want to fit but i'm not that far. about ten more pounds and i'll be wearing them. so i bought some size 12 jones of new york jeans. when i can fit them it will be happy happy joy joy. I also just went on mi real facebook and JH has posted pics from his vacation and his new profile pic is him in some swimming trunks on a beach front. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Okay sorry had to get that out. I really wanted him to get fat but he has actually lost most of the weight he picked up last semester and he looks all tan and shit. damn, if i didn't hate him so much i would have a crush on him. again. But he's a jerk so whatever....SO the new plan is to empty mi guts and pray that i'm 235 by monday so i can feel good about myself.
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ma Skinner to Marge Simpson: "He'll kill you five times before you're dead"

Hey Y'all,
thanks for the comments I certainly hope five pounds will come off on Saturday. I will scream and jump up and down until i probably burn off another pound, lol. SO I weighed today and i am 238!!! Yay, only 3lbs away from GW1. However...I had a bit of a snag in my lovely weight loss. I went outside. Let me say this now: The WORLD IS THE DEVIL.SATAN IN THE FLESH, i swear. so my parents get this brilliant idea to eat our cheat day TODAY instead of friday like we normally do. we spent forever trying to find a restuarant in china town so we stopped by a BAKERY (wtf, i thought we swore off this bakery), to get a "little something to put in our mouths". Good lord i nearly had a massive coronary. But I got out of most things because i didn't want anything with lard and 95% of the bakery shit has lard. they have the ingredients on the tags. so i got like this angel-food sponge cake and a walnut and bean paste stick. then we got a WBPS to go. Ok...hmmm not liking this so far. i estimated that shit at 500cals. Idk how much really, but i'll overshoot rather than undershoot anyday.
After that we went to our fave restaurant and i got what i thought would be healthy: Garlic Shrimp. how bad could it be? Okay it was a dark but fairly thin gravy with veggies and SPICY!!! I was like "at least it's hot" burn off some extra cals. wound up eating rice with it but only ate 2/3 of the dish and basically gave the rest to my dad cuz he claimed he got jipped on his sauteed shrimp which looked ten times fucking more healthy than my shit, please excuse my french.
so i estimated that at 500cals (my magic number).
I was thinking to myself, i can deal with this, this is okay, but then my dad and i went to whole foods and i got carob raisins, so add another 400cals up my ass. then, yes THEN, we went BACK to china town and i got those little peanut bars i must've had fifty rants about mi dad eating in previous posts. Well I got one peanut bar. It has ten pieces and i was like: shit if i eat this i'll be wayyy over 1500 (my evil day cut off). Ana says "eat half and you'll only go a little over and because you walked a mile today you'll make it." oooh, that sounds great. then this evil little fat girl is all like: "Oh eat a little more than that, it's soooo good." I had made it down to the halfway point and somehow two more pieces dissapeared and i was suddenly chewing...shit. Ana rolls her eyes and the fat girl goads me to finish it since I'm "Almost there". Damn right i'm almost there but not to the end of the candy, to my first goal of 235 and i'm going to fuck it up for a piece of shit candy bar..REALLY??? then I sat there with it in mi hands and then daddy points out this trio of obese women walking down the street. "There go some more beautiful women" he said sarcastically. I couldn't pass those three pieces to him fast enough. I finally found mi trigger: DAD AND FAT WOMEN. He's my trash can, i can pawn off ALL food to him, and fat women remind me of how i used to be. so i'm a little over today but overall good control.
I had the thought of purging cross mi mind a million times today even though i've never done it. It crossed my mind so much that my body started purging itself. i started feeling stuff come up all by itself...weird.
So I plan on Juice/liquid fasting until and maybe through saturday.
I know this post is getting long so let me make this worth it for you:
Dairy is the devil:
I read in one of my many health nut books that the Casein in milk and milk products is what is used for wood paste. i kno alot of you drink milk or eat yogurt, but STOP. it's locking everything inside your intestines and no amount of laxies is going to break it (wood paste, strongest paste in the WORLD). so lay off and let it expel naturally and STAY THE FUCK AWAY as much as possible. Let me put it this way: last week i starved and ate 500 cals for six days and 1000 one day and should've lost 3lbs. i lost 1.5. I stopped eating yogurt (my diet staple) FOUR DAYS AGO and I have lost 2.5 lbs and am eating more than i was last week. So hell yeah it makes a difference. If you don't believe me, try it and see what happens. I'm pretty sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
BTW, Yum if you want to research and post this on your blog, minus expletives (it's weird i never curse around anyone and yet i do it here), that's cool with me. I got it from the book Fresh Vegetable and Fruit Juices by Dr. NW Walker and it's in there. i thought i'd share that with you guys...So thanks for reading all this!
Scarlet <3

Monday, August 17, 2009

Cleaning and Losing

Hey Y'all,
I kno I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but i wanted to come back with real results. So I now weigh 239.5lbs, finally below the 240 mark!!! I am worried that i won't hit 235 by saturday when i go back to school shopping, so I made a deal with myself last night:
If weight is:
240~240.5: FAST LIKE HELL
239~239.5: Juice Fast
238~238.5: Eat light
I figured anything below 238 i would still fast so that i would hit 235 faster. But i wound up in midrange so it's a juice fast today. Mi parents are health nuts (me too) so we have carrot juice, watermelon juice(a killer diuretic), lettuce juice, celery juice, and those are really helping out.
I'm still cleaning because i'm kinda lazy, but it's pretty much done so my mom is cool now. I'm also gonna study my organic chem today because i haven't done it all summer and i need to be back in the zone by monday (really mi first orgo class is tuesday, but I want to be ahead of the curve). i'm going to go buy these gawd expensive text books tomorrow so ya, gonna be broke for a min. well mi parents will neway.
I'm a little upset because i kno i weigh less than wat i'm seeing (the semi-monthly vistor is around..) but idk, if i can get to 235 before saturday (when the visitor leaves) then i'll see a much lower number. does neone know how much more you weigh during a period??? that's a legitimate question so if you can please answer cuz i have no idea.
So, if you guys remeber from a few posts ago i mentioned this guy called "JH", and how he's a jerk, blah, blah, blah...well i still haven't talked to him ALL SUMMER even though we had a class last semester and the three semesters(ya THREE) before that. so i'm hoping to avoid him until november when i will (hopefully) be under the 200 mark. I'll be looking sooooo good. I mean not as good as i'd want but Wayyy Wayyy better than now. i wanna shock him. show him that i can do it, that i'm better w/0 him. ya a bit childish but idc.
Also my abs are looking really good now. i mean they've always been my smallest part, but I'm on mi period and they are still unbelievably FLAT and SEXY. I mean my parents almost didn't believe me when i said i was on my period because i was not bloated at all. i have a mirror in mi room and i can see myself when i lie down on mi bed and i thought i looked like a flat stomached plus size model. i could see the main shape of mi ribs, going down to a concave stomach that had a little oblique definition. i could hardly believe it was me. I kno i didn't look like this last time i was at 235. maybe i grew a few inches because i look HOT. This is making me not want to stop. I don't want to feel unpretty anymore. i want this feeling, this unbelievable high that i am looking good. mi parents are calling me Skinny all the time now and i don't completely feel like they're patronizing me. I'm telling you guys as soon as i find mi camera and get batteries for it or just by a new one with a lithium battery i will post pics.
Comment Answers:
Yum (I can't think about your name without thinking of this opera by Gilbert and Sullivan called THE MIKADO, where they have a character named Yum-Yum, lol): Thanks for all the encouragement, I really appreciate it.
Okay so I'm on the road to 235 by saturday!!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, August 8, 2009 I'm weighing in...

Hey Y'all,

So guess what, I bought a scale yesterday!!!! I got it for eight bucks at a salvation army resale store brand new in the wrapper and everything. it's a Taylor LED SuperBrite. It's highly accurate and i love it. I weighed in today at 242 lbs. Ya, you read it rite. 242. But I'm not upset. I mean it's not, OMG I'm so skinny (as if), but earlier this year around May I weighed in at 270lbs. yep so a 28lb loss isn't too shabby for a summer. Last night i weighed 244.5, but that was after a kinda big meal. BTW i went to about 1500 cals yesterday. not awful, but i did convice my parents that we need to keep our cheat days to only ONE day a week instead of three (we're all on diets). so I'm good.

I did some calculations (imma math head, engineering major, sorry) and found out that if i do 500cal max 6 days a week and a 1000cal max 1 day a week, i can be 135 by July if I do nothing but eat and sleep. that made me happy. also i calculated that by the time i go back to school (August 24, stupid college...) i will be below mi lowest recorded weight in mi teens, 235lbs. and by the end of the year i should be able to surpass mi lowest weight ever without going nuts, 185lbs, at age 11. ya so i've been fat mi whole life (technically since i was about 9), so sue me. I think this will all work out great as i will walk and do mi floor exercises to burn cals and mi school has a gym that i have membership to because i'm a student and we got it like that. so i get to use their tredmills.

I should also note mi life has been boring as of late. I'm cleaning mi room because it is a complete fuckfest and mi mom will kill me if i don't do it before school starts, she's been bugging me since MAY. so I'm making progress there. I'll be done by the end of the weekend. I also need to study mi orgo like hell if i have a snowballs chance of keeping mi 4.0GPA (not bragging, just being honest). Okay guys just wanted to let you know,seeya!
Scarlet <3
PS: Also realize i need camera soon. :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ha, My First Day to Day Post!

Hey Y'all,
yeah so i'm back blogging today. SophiaRuins, glad you liked the Audrey Thinspo, Ilove old hollywood, everyone had so much class and finesse. and they were so slim...I wish i lived back then. however i guess it was easier to be thin back then with out all the crap food...go see food inc for more enlightenment. I swear it made me become a vegetarian(with the exception of fish). I am just doing really well, I ate 580 cals yesterday and felt guilty about going over 500 so i biked like hell for 11mins and burned 82 cals. I mean I was thinking intially, "Well, I had all those non eaten calories from the day wouldn't affect mi weekly total if i dipped in a bit.." then there was a screaming voice in mi head that said: "OMG, NO YOU CANNOT DIP INTO THOSE CALORIES!!! THIS IS T-MOBILE, NOT CINGULAR, YOU DON'T GET 'ROLLOVER' CALORIES. YOU DIDN'T EAT THEM OH WELL THEY'RE GONE NOW AND ALL YOU'VE GOT ARE THE 500 CALS TODAY SO HOP YOUR ASS ON THAT STATIONARY AND PEDAL AWAY THE EXCESS 80CALS AT LEAST." So i listened to the screaming voice. I even laughed a little while riding the bike, my Ana is hilarous. I wish i had a scale....I need to know how much i weigh. I can't weight to get one. hahahaha. So I also can't wait to get my DTV converter box soon so i can waste time not thinking about food. i use movies rite now. it's okay, two hours fly by. I saw GIA last night and almost cried...she was so pretty and her life turned out so tragic. So in honor of Gia, some 80's model thinspo... All Gia of course...

It seems like she knew the entire track of her life...Sometimes it seems like the track to all of our lives(the poem)...
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Big 0

Hey Y'all
So yesterday went so well that i could barely believe it. NET CALS= ZERO. that's right, zero. i consumed 540cals and walked for a hour and a half and burned 540 cals, so that left me at zero!!! I am so happy, and then today i tried on these size 18 jeans that used to give me a horrible muffin top and leave dents in mi stomach and i had to "stretch" them to be able to wear them out and today after i got them washed like a week ago and they were still folded, i slipped them on and they were a perfect fit!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy. I love ana. Now to celebrate...THINSPO!!! BTW, hello to the new follower!

Audrey Hepburn, she was so beautiful and perfect. She's probably mi fav actress. and to finish her quote: For a thin body, be Ana.
Scarlet <3

Monday, August 3, 2009

It's Hard Out Here For A Black Ana

Hey Y'all,
So yesterday I restricted. I had 10 cals before i left the house to get mi metabolism going. The cals came from 1/8 cup of blueberries, which is like a handful for me because i find blueberries hard to hold on to in my hands. when i went out mi rents got the brilliant idea to go to this chinese bakery to get some "goodies". enter panic mode. I handled it well though, instead of getting 2 pastries i only got one. mi mom who is also trying to lose weight but not the ana way, freaks out and forces me to take 1/4 of her lemon twist (it's like a raisin stick with that fake lemon stuff they put in lemon danishes). so i ate that and decided i really didn't need mi red bean paste cake, but cuz they were half watching me i ate half, slipped the rest into mi purse and threw that away at the nearest garbage can. I always walk behind mi parents so it was pretty easy. from there we went directly to Joy Yee, where they ordered (highlight to view): Miso Soup (not bad in mi book), Crab and Shrimp Eggrolls, and Crab Ragoon. So for items two and three i was given two of each and ate only one of each and pawned the other off to mi parents. as for item number one, i ate it. i love it, it tastes good and i think it's low cal (it's only vegetables). I drank water the entire time, and then afterward i got up to use the bathroom maybe five minnutes after i finished eating. When i got up my mom stopped me and whispered something to me that nearly made mi heart stop: "Don't go and throw up your food." I'll admit it had crossed mi mind but puking is not an enjoyable experience for me so i just don't do it. frankly i can't. i brushed her off and went to the bathroom. so mi mom thinks i may have an ED not becuase i'm not eating, but simply because i didn't eat everything that was put in front of me.
I felt bad during the entire dinner tho because at another table there were these two vietnamese girls and this white girl (no offense) and they had TONS of food, like three entrees, and the white girl DIDN'T TOUCH IT. AT ALL. she just sat there sipping her water making me feel like shit. she wasn't super thin or anything but i'll take her figure over mi own. ALL THAT FOOD AND SHE DRANK WATER. WATER! I still can't get over that.
After Joy Yee, mi fam and i were walking down the mall and i asked mi mom about her comment. she said she though i looked like i felt guilty even though i didn't eat much and she was a little worried. i laughed and said puking was not enjoyable for me and that "she would never have to wonder about me being bulimic" (*beacause I'm anorexic* thought inside of head). so she laughed with me.
we then went to the lake front to people watch and as you can tell from the title, i am black. mi fam's fav pastime is going to an urban area (beach, park, Downtown Jewel-Osco) anywhere with an interesting assortment of people and talking about them. yes, we talk about people. we talk about the nerd with the super beautiful GF that he's paying through the ass for or the massively overweight girl who thinks she can wear skintight leggings. here's the thing about the black women: they are all so FAT. in fact mi fam and i's nickname for them is animes. because they are so fat it looks not at all real, but ANIMATION. they're asses are so big they look like if they sat on your car dashbord it would be a tight fit. width-wise.ya, i kno. technically, i'm okay for a black girl, but i'm still fat. i'm just no wear near as fat as average. in fact in a recent TEEN VOGUE article, minorites are 50% more likely than white girls to have bulima or an ED. why??? because we are continually surrounded by reverse thinspo! I seek to be real thinspo, not reverse.
NEway, excuse the mini rant,so l8r on mi dad wanted to take a walk down the lake front. i didn't feel like it. he's all oh come on, as he hit mi thigh. Ana clicked over in mi head "he's reminding you how fat you are and how you need the exercise, you should be doing it yourself. you're doing good, but not good enough." I was all abord for the walk like a split personality. we left mi mom in the car because she wanted to sleep, her body isn't used to such a high intake of grease as she and i haven't had it in a month. i walked mi dad for a mile down the lake and came back for a total of 2 miles. i burned 360cals.
from there we went to Borders and i starting reading "The Best Little Girl In the World" which is pretty interesting so far. it's only $6.99 so i plan on buying it when i get some money. after borders we went back to Joy Yee where i got a Pomergrante Peach Smoothie. I was happy until i calculated that it had 450cals. then i felt like shit. even more over because mi dad got a green tea, which probably had only 250cals since there was no fruit in it and i would've gotten caffine and a boost to mi metabolism. Damn i felt bad. I figited yesterday to bburn off blueberries BTW.
so total cals yesterday: 950cals, under the dreaded 1000 and great for a weekend.
Work Out cals: -360cals
Net Cals: 590cals
Total Deficit: -2002cals
I also decided i need a scale super badly. I should get some kickback from mi school scholarships and hopefully i won't have to give it all back to mi parents for books. then i'll buy a scale from the medical supply store around mi house. should be really accurate. I lost another inch from mi thighs BTW and I've only had mi blueberries and some juice i faked drinking for mi mom, so thrity cals total (had to dirty up juice cup and have mi breath kinda smell like it).
Hope you guys are doing well and I'm going to go and read y'alls blogs now.
Scarlet <3
ps, i might post thinspo in next post. i love Jaslene Gonzales and Naomi Cambell and Agyness Deyn.