Friday, September 10, 2010

Farewell, Adieu

Hey guys.
No I am not dead, I have not been in any accidents. I just haven't been blogging. I am also not in recovery, I am just leaving blogger. I kinda messed up this blog because I made it so ED focused. But I've changed from the girl who started this blog. The girl who started this blog was someone strolling into the strange world of EDs, she didn't even know herself yet. She was shy, unsociable, just pretty much focused on grades. So my blog was only about my food, weight, etc. But as time went on, I grew up. I got friends, I started really to like guys (I mean I liked them before but I started falling HARD for them), and my life got interesting. So suddenly, my new life merged with my ED. Nothing surprises me anymore as far as my ED goes, there are no dark corridors I haven't entered, nothing is scary. It's just another facet, one that's gonna stay put for a while. I've become a new person over the course of this blog. I am no longer painfully shy, I'm witty, funny, sarcastic and a little crazy. Do you know that I know people in EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CLASSES this semester?? That's never happened before, normally it's at least two classes where I don't talk to anyone. But I'VE CHANGED. And I love it. I like the consistent growth. I still focus on my food, have panic attacks all the time when out with my parents, trying to anticipate their next food stop. But I also got a gym membership, and I just kill it over there, avoid extra food as much as possible (i.e., never initiate, lol) and just go on and do it.
I did make some progress, I stopped purging (FINALLY) and I'm actually pretty happy. Now don't get me wrong, I still love sharing my life and thoughts with the world but I feel guilty writing about my new merged life, because there might be a day when I don't want to talk about anything ED-related. Like if the food intake wasn't amazing nor a disaster maybe it won't sit at the front of my brain. Maybe I'll want to talk about the funny stuff that happened to me, or post something really cool that I saw. Something random. Because that's really what I am now, kinda random.
So I am sorry that I started this blog without melding in my life because now I can't bring myself to revamp it and stuff because I feel like it won't fit. I am also sorry for not telling you guys this sooner, that was really shit of me. However, even though I won't be on here blogging I am still going to read and comment on you guys' blogs (I knooow I've been shit on that too).
Oh but before I forget, I DO have a new place for my thoughts:
And as always you can just hit me up on twitter: @Scarlet_Tbeauty
I just started the tumblr yesterday but I reallly like it!! :)
Anyways, I love you guys' comments so much and I love this blog, but all good things come to an end because people change and grow. I love you guys, and I can't wait to catch up on your blogs!
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Thursday, August 19, 2010


Hi guys,
Yeah I know, I know: wtf scarlet? WTF.
Well, I have been unreasonably busy. I'm trying to clean my room (not done), get my textbooks (will do today!!), get school supplies (deff this weekend), get my fookin paycheck from this research project I did (assholes will not pay. "The paperwork is all in..." Blah blah blah), lose weight (....), and buy back to school clothes (THIS WEEK FER SURE).
I haven't lost any weight, which kinda sucks. Well, correction, I did lose some weight, like 0.4 lbs. I was 199 today. Yippee...anyways though, even though I barely lost anything, I DID lose a dress size!!!!! I can wear both pairs of my size 12 pants! One is by Express and the other is jones of new york!! :D soooo WOOHOO for that.
Since my new semester starts on monday and I highly doubt any weight will be lost (weekend, parents, you know the drill) I am going to focus on looking as sleek and sexy as possible. That means LOTS of toning. I was doing toning anyway and I look really good, but now I wanna look amazing!
I know what you're thinking: I should be freaking out of my mind that I didn't lose any weight. Well I'm not because this lovely thing called the semester is going to solve my problems. I have THE MOST swing shift like schedule ever. And if I'm stuck at school, I can't eat. When I come home I have to do homework and study so I CAN'T EAT. I'll be lucky if I get one meal a day. AND because I get home early on tuesdays and thursdays I might just make those water fasting days! Who the hell knows the possibilities are ENDLESS. So that's my big plan. My triumphant return.
Also making a return: the drama in my life. You guys remember Steve right? Formerly known as SM, was dating the evil ex-bestie Linda, I had the biggest crush on him when I was 14 (and 15) and now I'm kinda back in contact with him but I just want to be friends? Yeah, him. Welllll he and Linda broke up. And he deleted her from his facebook. And he changed his relationship status to single. I was like daaaamn I didn't that was going to happen!! I mean they've been going out for three years and kapow! Over and done. I can't say I'm not more than a bit happy because Linda is a bitch, so there.
I am sure this little bit of drama is only the tip of the iceberg this semester. I got my confidence going, I have new classes, new people, and yet the old people are still around too! I am sosososososoSO excited I am almost bursting out of my skin. I can't wait to just go out there and take over the world. Fasten your seatbelts ladies, the ride is about to begin!!
PS: I love you guys so much and hello to new followers!!!! <3 :)
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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Practical Purposes

Hey guys!
So I weighed in today...199.8! So for all practical purposes I am back to the weight I was before hell week. So only to lower things from here!
Nothing much has been happening lately. I now workout three times a day: morning powerwalk, afternoon toning and marching/dancing in place, and nightly runs. And of course I'm still liquid fasting so everything is going well!
I do have issues with my mirror though, it changes daily. Last week I swear I thought my calves looked so huge. I put on different outfits and everything and I just couldn't get that view outta my head. But yesterday I thought my legs looked pretty good! So either I am losing weight in my legs or I'm just crazy. Idk, probably both!
On the life front, SC and A have sorta switched places. I had an actual normal convo with A last week (say whaaat??), that was unusual. Then I messaged SC asking him about his summer and when he's coming back to the states and such and how I hope he hasn't forgotten about me! He wrote back saying he's been here for like a week and a half for preseason training! I was just like WTF!!!!! He knows I work on campus everyday. He could easily say let's hang out. But he didn't. Asshole, just wait till you see me, you're gonna pass out and I will walk over your still and heartless body. Prick. Sorry for the rant but that hurt!
Another thing new in my life: I have a personality. I know you're thinking what the hell am I talking about but lately I have been going in places and talking to people. I went to office depot the other day and the sales guy needed to write his name on the card and needed a pen. He asked him coworker who didn't have one either! So I said "wait so you mean to tell me you guys work in office depot and don't have a pen? Shame on you!" I said with a little laugh. WHAT? Old me would have just stood there and said nada while they found a pen or whatever. Last week I went to best buy and talked to this cute sales guy. We bonded over being unlucky in electronics! I went to staples and I was looking for a roller backpack. I asked one of the workers and as we were walking around I told her how I have to get once because I'm using luggage and everyone thinks I'm about to catch the next plane for aruba, lol. Holy fuck I'm normal. Idk how it happened but I became a person over the last 17 lbs. I can't wait for the next semester because I finally get to experience college as a grade-driven but likable person rather than a grade-driven and painfully shy zombie. Oh yeah, I predict way more interesting stuff when school starts. You guys won't be able to keep up,lol.
WannaBskinny: thanks babe!!!
Jo: aww thanks!!! I watch the biggest loser ALL THE TIME!!! It's amazing what they do on there, if I can lose as much as they do I will be GOLDEN!!!! :)
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Monday, August 2, 2010

Keep Moving Forward!

Hey guys!
So the weekend went well, still liquid fasting! Finally aunt flo is gone so I'm going to give it a bit of time before I weigh so that I won't get whopped with water weight. Idk why but my body doesn't like getting rid of the weight immediately!! Check my old blog entries if you don't believe me! It never happens I like have to effin work for it. No worries though, just gotta keep going!!
I have been having this twitch in the back of my brain that's just like bingebingebinge. It's my EDNOS leaking through obviously. But I'm resisting fairly easily because this isn't a "oh I just want I little dang I ate the whole bag" kinda craving. It a go and buy an entire cake and eat the whole damn thing kinda craving. However I know I'd never be able to get my hands on something so much and I know a minor binge isn't going to cut it so why do it at all??? Exactly. So I'm pretty safe. That's the benefit of having everyone in the house dieting, there's never anything here!
Did I tell you guys my mom is liquid fasting with me??? Well she is up until like the 28th of august! Well technically that's how long I'm going for too because I have to break the fast with fruits and veggies because the next day we celebrate my parent's anniversary. The anniversary is on the 31st but that's a tuesday and that's kind of shit for a celebration!
In other news, it looks like I might finally get paid by my job on friday!!!!!!! Wooooo! I am immediately going to go and buy either a toshiba or an HP laptop. Same price, same specs, different stores. If the toshiba is out of stock I'm getting the HP. Then I'm going to redecorate my room! And buy skinny cloths!!! Putting that off for a bit though, because every 14 I pick up fits great, but I can squeeze (shoehorn) myself into twelves so with a lot of starving and a little luck hopefully I can get all my back to school stuff in that size!!!
I'm doing pretty well on cals now, about 700 a day! Much lower than what I was doing *shutter*. Anyway, today is a short post because nothing truly interesting is happening! Lol, but I may have some nice stuff happening soooon!!! :)
Sarah staying skinny: why thank you! I'm working it down just a bit lowwwerr!! :)
Therebirthofsaphira: thanks babe! I'm keeping my eyes on the prize!!!
AnaNae: it's a scary barrier! Because as long as you're in the low 200s you can feel pretty okay, but when you get to the 190s, if you even sneeze the wrong way it's back to the salt mines of 200 and it feels pretty bad! But you can do this. You can go to 190s, then 180s and every little barrier drop puts you on safer ground! :) water pills....that's a good idea!!! I mean but only because of lady week, I've got water to burn! Lol
Elora Rose: omg you're so lucky!!!! I wish I was out of school that long! But yes we can do this!!!!!!!! :)
Katie: yup were gonna rock this month like an earthquake!!!!!! Haha yeah I have fast hands!!! <3
Jo: wow thanks that means a lot! I am definetly hitting it on all fronts because I've got to give it all I've got!! Haha yeah no one taught me liquids had, jk ;P
Okay ladies, I am off to get skinny!!
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Friday, July 30, 2010


Hey guys!
So I am doing much much better today and I thank you guys so much for your condolences. :)
I've gotten over the depressed sadness, now I just get weirded out by anything that deals with pets and also I don't much like my backyard. I can deal with that I suppose...
The water fast didn't happen because my body absolutely rebelled against me. It was ridiculous. So I'm just full time liquid fasting. The only problem with me is that I don't see liquids as food. And I don't count cals like I'm supposed to!!! It's driving me crazy because I sit in bed somedays and just calculate my cals for the day and I want to jump out the nearest window! I have to get it below 500cals for me to feel good. I estimate my morning smoothie (it's just a cup) as 100-120 cals. That's not a bad way to start the day but I find myself constantly drinking stuff that is not water. So I think I'm going to start blocking out times when I can have nothing but water. Like after my smoothie, nothing before 4pm. Like I used to do when I was eating food. And then I have to treat everything like it counts because IT DOES.
I haven't been killing it with my workouts lately. Just going for my morning power walk and then getting in like an hour of walking in place. It's not bad it's just not good enough.
I am now seriously under the gun. It is almost august and my semester starts august 23. If I'm going to look amazing I need to step it up. I just checked the rosters for my classes and it looks like A might be in my section of circuit analysis. I'm not positive because idk if I'm seeing the roster for my section or ALL the sections. Still though, fate would have him in my class. I must look magnificent. I MUST. I WILL. So I am going to start pushing harder than ever. I have to use this time to the best of my ability because once school starts, I'll probably have until september before the workload starts getting heavy and my time starts running short. It'll be mid to late september when I finally learn my professor's pattern and find a system of how to handle it all. I'm currently cleaning my room and I'm going to redecorate and automate. I will be the organization spaz this semester and have everything blocked in. I will miss NOTHING.
I know what you're thinking: goodness scarlet you're putting so much pressure on yourself! I'm not afraid of pressure. It makes me stronger, proves that I am strong, and pressure is the only way to make a diamond.
175 is the base goal for August 23. If I can get lower than that yay me. I need to get more serious than ever. The new freshmen are coming in, A is probably going to be in my class, I need new friends and a guy for once in my life. None of that will turn out the way I want unless I am skinny. It's not that I don't think I'm likable or pretty or anything bad about myself really. I'm damn smart, funny, cute, and witty, but unless you're slim/thin/skinny, you might as well nab harry potter's invisibility cloak because NO ONE will notice you. Trust me, I've lived through it most of my life. I'm alive dammit and I want people to recognize that. So I will open their eyes. I will make them see. I am fucking awesome, and yes you want to hang out with me, yes you want to ask me out, yes you want to sit next to me in class, yes you want to talk to me. The question is: do I want to do any of those things with you?
PS: hello to those lovely new followers!! Hello to those lovely regular followers! I love you and I looove your comments!! <3
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Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I'm doing okay today, still juice fasting, switching over to water tomorrow.
I am not my normal happy self though. My dog died yesterday. Well, he probably died the night before but I discovered him yesterday morning. It wasn't pretty. Damn the summer heat and heartless flies.
I always knew it was coming. I mean he was like 17 yrs old. Cocker spainels under the best of best care are only expected to live max 15. I wasn't the best of best care, my dog was just awesome. I miss him. He was the one person I knew would never turn on me. Ever. My best friend. And now I'm on my own. I mean my parents love me, but Baby knew more about me than they could ever know. He was perfectly content to sit on my lap for hours and let me pet him and tell him all of my thoughts. He was never judgemental. I was never wrong nor right. It was the perfect balance. Now my balance is broken.
I will probably never get another dog again. I can't take the pain when they leave. I will probably never eat pasta again, I was on my way to feed him when I discovered him. I'll probably be amazing this coming semester because I'm burying the pain in work. I'm doing it at my job. I'm doing it at home. I'm doing it with my fasting. Everytime I start focusing too much on the loss I give myself a task and go into headfirst. It's working, how he looked when I found him is starting to be neatly tucked far far away into my subconscious. I'm starting to only see him as he was when he was alive, which is good. I'm doing a lot better today, I was absolutely traumatized yesterday. I've had him since I was four. I was the last one in my house to meet him(I was at school when my parents got him at the anti-cruelty society) and I was the first one to know he was gone. It's really shitty. I'm trying not to get depressed. But it's hard. I want to water fast so badly. So I can feel the pain on the outside that I do on the inside. I need a distraction.
On the food side of things, I know laxies are a bad idea. I've had problems with them before. Thankfully things seem to be moving smoothly on my juice fast, so maybe I'll hold off.
I can't answer comments right now, I'll comment on you guys' blogs still though. I'm trying to be happier. I'm trying. But it hurts like hell. I'll be really peppy for a while and then feel really low. Like now. I am feeling low. Ugh, hopefully I spring back soon, Baby wouldn't want me to be this way. That was his name btw. Baby. He was afraid of thunder and the dark. He was a ham for attention. He was accident prone. He was crazy smart. He could get out of any cage unless it was secured with a chain. He snored like an old man. He was hyper as hell. He hated vegetables but would eat anything else you set in front of him. He was my best friend.
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Monday, July 26, 2010

Rags To Riches

Hey guys!
Thank you guys soooooo much for the congratulations on my last post, I can't stop smiling!!!! :D
So today I'm juice fasting, and that's going to be up till thursday when I switch to water for four days. I know it's supposed to be reversed but aunt flo came today and all I want it carbscarbscarbs nomnomnom, not gonna happen, take this apple juice and stfu. So you see if I did water It'd be binge central which is totally unacceptable. I didn't weigh today and probably won't weigh the whole week. I have never been more terrified of my weights than this time of the month. I can gain between 2-11 lbs in water (yeah I know) so unless I want to risk causing myself to jump off the nearest cliff I will just mosey away from the scale...
The weekend wasn't awful. I mean I wasn't stuffing my face the whole time. On saturday we had a slice of cake a bakery for bfast (I know, like wtf that's not food) and then later we had dinner at a chinese restaurant. I had kung pao tofu which according to calorie king is like 500cals. Fine. Yesterday I had a banana and pb and j crackers for bfast and popcorn for lunch/dinner (big bag) and that was the day. So overall it was okay.
I saw Inception yesterday and OMFG that movie is amazingggg!!!! It also has my longest standing crush in it, aka joseph gordon leavitt. I have been crushing on that boy since he played Tommy in 3rd rock from the sun. He looks so adult and sexy now. Okay okay I'll stop! :) anyway, the movie is awesome and there are cute guys in it and you might come away googly eyed. @_@
In other news, today I wrote the guy who's over the grant that will pay me for my job and basically told him that I am broke and living off of peanut butter and crackers (not true, lol) and NOW I'm going to get some money on thursday!!!! Yayy!!!! That means saving money for new skinny cloths for school and buying some laxies. I miss them. I hate the laxi tea. I'm trying to stop the purging. Aaand I am sick of the weekend doing head trips on me. If I have laxi pills I can flush it all away!! Also, I can time them. Pills are awesome like that. I do a morning walk everyday at 7am, do you reeeaaalllyyyy think I'm going to trust a TEA not to hit at that time or *gasp* while I'm a WORK!?! Pills are dependable. So yay for that!
I think that is all for now so till next time, ciao dahlings! Lololol :)
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Saturday, July 24, 2010


Look at that number. I mean really that is almost unreal to me! I was 205.4 monday morning and I said that I had to lose six pounds by saturday morning. HAD TO. So in some weird mix of fasting, exercising, purging, and eating next to nothing, voilá! 199.4 ONE NINETY NINE POINT FOUR!!!!! God I don't think I've ever been this excited in my life!
I am sorry for the hiatus, but I needed to get my shit together. I love you guys and writing and rambling to you makes me happy, but I was sick of the 200s. I had to find something to force me to do it. So I said I couldn't blog again until I got under 200. You don't know how hard that made me work because I missed you guys so fucking much! But for future reference, if you ever what to hear my rambles 24/7 you can always follow me on twitter. I'm on there EVERYDAY. I am addicted!! So I'm Scarlet_Tbeauty on there!
Also I am a true size 14 now. It's funny, I bought some gloria vanderbilt cargo pants out of a resale shop, size 14, tried em on. Perfect fit! So I bought them. Then my dad randomly bought me 2 pairs of shorts, also size 14. Perfect fucking fits!!!!! I tried on every size 14 in my mom's closet and EVERYTHING was perfect. Holy shit I'm a person again!!!!
Today was weigh-in day for more than just me though. Because I got under 200, my mom and dad had to weigh too. My mom is 171.2, which she was okay with. She's been eating kind of shit lately so she's happy she maintained/ lost 2 lbs. My dad is a whole nother story. Do you know how HARD it was to coax him on that scale?!? He like fucking jammed the logic on the poor thing twice talking about "it's an omen I shouldn't weigh in" I'm thinking "you shit head! If you didn't eat so fucking much all the time you wouldn't be terrified!!" But FINALLY we got him on the scale: 375.2 lbs. So he lost like 1.8 since the last time he weighed with was MONTHS ago. Fun fact though, after we all weighed he realized something. Put together my mom and I only weigh 370.6 lbs. We weigh four fucking pounds LESS than him, put to-fucking-gether!!!!! That messed him up so badly, I hope it give him the kick in the ass he needs!
So far this month I have lost 17.6 lbs which is the most I've ever lost in a month and the month isn't over for another 8 days!!! Whhhhhoooooopppeeeeee!!!!
So now let's talk about my so-called's quite shit right now. I'm working on a research project and they won't fucking pay me. Like this is coming up on week seven of ten and I still have no idea when I am going to get paid! Stupid unprofessional school. Dammit I want my money so badly! Secondly, I have been trying to hang out with my friends Monika and BK for like all summer. And like tuesday I find out these bitches made plans to hang out on friday. Without me. Bitches. Just wait until I come back to school looking ah-mazing. I'm not going to even deal with you backstabbing assholes. Ugh. And then my other friend Matt is trying to hang out with me but weird things keep happening. Like we were supposed to see Inception and everything but he can't do it until after July 30th because he has finals and has to study. Fine. But then he comes back and says his aunt is going today (saturday) and that maybe we can go together! That was sunday. Then yesterday he calls and says he can't for "various reasons" wtf? Various reasons??? I think his wife kate is just spazzy about him hanging out with a girl but come on! I'm SEVENTEEN. Matt is like fucking 32. Trust me, nada is gonna happen. Also apart from the fact that I'm his honorary little sister, we were going with his AUNT, her SON, and my PARENTS. Really? Anyway so that kinda has me pissed off. And then my parents are having their off and on fighting again. But they always do that. I miss my friends and I wish they would start acting like fucking friends and hangout with me. First thing on my agenda when I go back to school with my skinnier body is to get better quality friends. Immediately. Gotta come out my shell this semester and talk to people. Whoever sits next to me is going to be my new bff.
Anyways, I have been altering songs again to be thinspo. Up today is "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy ft. Bruno Mars. Side note, bruno mars is adorable. Just sayin'. So here are the new lyrics to the chorus. If you haven't heard the song go look it up on itunes! It's really good!! :)
I wanna be a skinny girl, so frickin' bad, wear all the clothes I never had
I wanna be on the cover of, Vogue magazine, dressed head to toe in D&G
Everytime I close my eyes, I see the space between my thighs, awesome days, amazing nights, oh I, I swear, you better prep the world for when I'm a skinny girl!

Lol yes I did write all of that and I hear it in my head ALL THE TIME now. It's really catchy! :)
As far as food little as possible. It's saturday so anything could happen, but imma start a fast on monday, and of course you're getting a new post on monday!! Cause I don't think I'm ever going to have a hiatus that long EVER again because I <3 you guys!!!
AnnikaQ (even though I've blocked her from my blog): hahahahahaha that is me laughing in your doubting face. Fasting never averages in a 1-2 lbs a week and the body never gets used to it. Because you just read ED blogs and don't have an ED you just don't understand the mechanics. While 17.6 lbs in a month is unreal in your world it's perfectly okay in the thin neverlands.
Audri: hey welcome to the blog! That's so sweet that means a lot to me!!! <3
Ana Nae: welll, even though I won the race I'm still behind you 100%!!!!!!! You can do it! <3 :)
A.Beautiful.Mess: aw thanks babe, I missed the italian team! Tbh I started watching the world cup because of the guys! Lol, but then I got into it! I can't wait for 2014!!!! :)
BMay: thanks! I've lost 70.6 lbs total from my high weight! I normally try to fast for like 2-3 days because that's when I get the most benefit. My parents are cool with my fasting though they do prefer if I liquid or juice fast because they worry about me getting vitamins and nutrients and such. We don't really believe in supplements so food (or drink) is the only way we think we're actually getting some! :)
Kazehana: omg how sweet!!! I'm gonna go check out that award RIGHT NOW. And thank you for commenting!! ;)
Jo: aww I did it just for you babe! ;)
Jenny: haha I love you babe you always make me smile. Hey it all starts with one day and then you just keep going!!! <3 :)
Okay if you made it to the bottom of this super long post then *hugs*!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Let's Do It Again!!

Hey guys!
So this morning I was 206.8 lbs, which is good, I'm still losing weight! I had a bit of a weird mishap over the last few days though. I ate watermelon on monday (totally NOT following the plan I know) but I ate quite a lot in one sitting. That was because when I came off of my fast I had come off just in time for my mom and dad not to gobble up my part of the watermelon (or what was left of it anyway). So I ate the watermelon and followed that with water for the rest of the day, the problem is that watermelon has the special property of kinda acting like a laxitive and I didn't think about it until it started acting like a laxitive!!! I don't know why (probably because of the water fast) but my body FREAKED and it was a very unpleasant day/night/early morning for me. AND I bloated up like a balloon AND my weight bounced up to 212.8!?! I knew it was all water, because I barely ate anything and also I was looking in the mirror! So anyways yesterday I water fasted (I was honestly too scared to eat ANYTHING) and now my body has settled back down and my flat abs are back. But I just figured what the hell and I'm fasting again today. And tomorrow. I already have my game plan for breaking the fast friday morning: I have a bottle of strawberry banana orange juice and an apple. If the apple is soft I'll just juice it! I reallly hate soft apples, in case you didn't know! Also I froze the juice so that I won't be tempted to drink it. Well, I can be tempted, but I'd have to wait for it to melt! Lol. I only seem to lose significant amounts of weight while fasting and now that it's honestly not that hard for me to do...carpe diem right? PLUS I've already lost over ten pounds so far this month which is awesome!!! I mean my original goal for this month was 195 by August 1 and now it's looking like I may be able to touch the 180's if I play my cards right!! I know I won't be able to do all of this fasting once school starts back in late august so I'd better lose all I can in the time that I have!
It's funny how supportive my parents are now with my fasting, but my dad totally has an ulterior motive! When I'm not eating he eats what I would've eaten! Perfect example: my parents just bought the juice today, it was a carton right? And my dad's all like "oh yeah you're fasting today aren't you?" Anf I'm like "yeaaah, why?" "Oh because we saved you some juice but you're doing like three days it won't last that long"
First of all, it's fucking JUICE. You put it in the fridge and it lasts at least a week. Secondly, I can also do what I did with it which was FREEZE it. Thirdly, you just want to drink my juice greedy!!!! I go through this ALL THE TIME now. Having stuff that's "mine" be consumed by other individuals is my biggest pet peeve. It's the one way to get under my skin and a surefire way to get smacked! Haha. Anyway, so that's my plan!
Emry: aww thanks babe! :)
AnaNae: good luck with your fast!!! I'm just gonna do the interval water fasting! :)
AfricAnaMia: haha I know! If I see like unhealthy foods I'm like WHATEVER!!!!! :)
WannaBskinny: thanks babe!! I'm going to keep working at it!!
M-ilie: hey! Thanks, I feel so happy about it!!!!!! :D
Jenny: duuuuuuuude thanks so much!! I think I'm starting to inspire myself to inspire myself. That is my philosophical nonsensical contribution to the world: wham-o! <3
AnaB: hahahaha I had inspiration! Have you SEEN the spanish soccer team?????? I wanted them to get through so I could keep watching them! <3
Okay, I am off to get skinny!
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Monday, July 12, 2010


Hey guys!
So I just ended my fast today after about 5.75 days (the world cup tided me over the .75 haha) and as of this morning I have lost 8 lbs! I now weigh 207.4!!! Yay! Oh but to clarify when I started the fast I was 214.8 lbs, but I got my hair redone. So my original hair weighed only .4 lbs but my new hair weighs 1 lb!! So I'm really .6 less than what the scale shows.
Anyway, because I read online that it is a VERY BAD IDEA to go straight to regular food after an extended fast because all the weight will come back on! So for the next three days I am on a liquid fast and then I'll switch to liquids + watermelon until august 1. I'll try to keep my cals around maybe 500-700 max! I really love how I am feeling right now though! The fast was interesting mostly because of actually what I was craving! It wasn't the usual crap or sweets, it was like: I would kill for a cracker/blueberries/steamed veggies with salt! It was crazy!!!! But I like it!
My abs are flat and all of my jeans are loose on me now so I am very happy!!! Thank you guys for all of your support on my fast I seriously appreciate it!!!
So as we know I am gunning for below 200 lbs. I am very close and hopefully I can hit it within the next week and a half!
I'm going to catch up on blogs and stuff tomorrow!
Um it's reeeeaaally late right now and I have to wake up at 6am but I didn't want to leave you guys without an update. So as far as comments, from what I remember most of you guys were cheering me on so thankyou. The other parts were how am I getting away with all of this fasting? Mostly because my parents see a positive difference in my attitudes, outlook on life, and my appearance in general. As long as I don't injure myself they're okay with whatever. I'm sure if I passed out or something I would be in trouble but I make it my business to never let that happen. Also because I have a stopping point that sounds reasonable to them. I've got them on my side so as long as I don't screw anything up I'm fine! :)
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Thursday, July 8, 2010


Hello lovelies!!!!
Oh I am so excited to update you guys!!!!! So lately I have been working, being obsessed with the world cup (viva españa!!!), attempting to clean my room (ummm, yeah sure), and fasting. You read that right: FASTING. I am on the 3rd day of my fast and I have no idea how long I'm going to go but I feel really good right now!!! I've lost 3.8 lbs since I last blogged!!! Eeeee!!!! I am thisclose to a new low weight which would be this close to getting below 200 lbs. I'm deff fasting until I get below that at least! My dad has challenged me to fast for 15 days, not that he's doing it or anything, but he'll like pay me $15!! I mean to get paid for something I was contemplating anyway is pretty awesome!
I have been living off of water, sobe life water 0, and VITAMIN WATER ZERO. Hot damn that stuff is AMAZING. It tastes soooo good. In fact I am freezing some right now so I can have "sorbet". Hahaha :)
I've been walking for an hour everyday instead of the usual running because I don't want to over tax myself. It's going really well because I have motivation and a support system! Not only do I have you guys (even though I'm kinda like "surprise!" on you), I have my dad, whose buying me all the vitamin water zero and such and encouraging me, but I've also got twitter. Twitter is amazing, seriously!!! There's a HUGE pro-ana population on there and there will be like seven people fasting at the same time!! And you can easily check in on each other and push one another through a rough patch! I love it. Now I have blogger fam and twit fam!!!!
The only person not on board is my mom. She's acting all weird, backstabbing me to my dad. "She's going to deplete all of her nutrients..." Blah blah blah. My dad's response? "Jesus did it." Hahahahaha!!!! Love my dad! Now my mom (after being guilted by my dad) has agreed to take an early morning lakefront walk everyday. Awesome. The hitch? She says for her to do it I have to agree to at least eat seaweed everyday to get vitamins and to also take some kind of laxi tea to make sure my system stays clean. I didn't answer her at first because all that would've come out would've been: fuuuuucccckkk yoooooouuuu. One I am on a fast so food is not happening any time soon. Secondly, laxi tea??? GAG! Also it just makes you lose water weight. I only use laxi anything when I actually have something I need to get rid of! If I did what she's suggesting, I'd be just like her, unable to use the bathroom without a little "help". No way. I worked too hard over the past six months getting my digestive system to mostly work after my love affair with laxies last year!
Anyway, I'm pretty much ignoring her.
OH! Before I be an airhead and forget, I want to thank athANAsy for my sunshine award!!!!!! (Picture posted above) so my job is to pass on this loveliness to five other terrific bloggers!
1) Jenny (I WILL BE PERFECT...)
2) Z. (Sweet Soubrette)
3)B. (Thin Has A Taste All It's Own)
4)Katie/Skinnybusiness (Whisps of Gypsy)
5)Lyndee (ANa XOXO)
Those are awesome people. Go. Read. Follow! And I love everyone else who I couldn't name too!! You guys are awesome!!!
Lyndee: I know!!! I just don't (can't) go back the same way! It wouldn't be right!!!! <3
Catherine: Hola to you too!! It's great to have you here and I hope your fast went awesome!!!! :)
B: I totally hate holidays. Especially the ones that have nothing to do with food but it's like this "intrical" part!! The americans started a 6 year war! They didn't sit around eating!!!!!!
Lisa: thanks babe!!!!!!
Ariana: I know! I hate bread too! It's...evil!!!!
AthANAsy: thanks for the award babe!!!
Jenny: aww thanks!!!! I am deff working HARD. Yeah bread is totally going out the window pretty much. I think I'll allow crackers...<3
Okay off to fast and read blogs! I've been so lazy with keeping up!!!
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Monday, July 5, 2010

Honey, I'm Home!

Hey guys! I hope you had a great independence day!!! Weight wise I am down 1.4 lbs!!!!! Yayayayayay!!!!! I did purge earlier on the 4th, two burgers(veggie) french fries and onion rings were a bit much. I'm gonna stop doing that though. Seriously.
Idk what my plan is going to be now. I'm always changing plans it's so ridiculous. I wound up going back to one workout a day for time's sake and the lack of me having it soo yeah. For now it stands as it was but who knows I might have done something epic in my next post!
So I've lost 3 lbs this week and I am very happy!!! My goal was 5 but this is an okay rate for now. Gonna find a way to step it up though. August is looming large in my brain. Late august, late august, late august. Oh it's so stressful. I can't go back to school big you know??? I want to shock the bobby socks off of everyone! So I am working hard now. Not that I wasn't before but now there is like no room for error. I read my past entries (all the way back to the beginning, that took FOREVER) I was great at losing the weight but I'd always binge it back on. That will not be happening. Yeah I know, I'm not supposed to say that with murphy's law and everything but murphy can just bite me because it's not gonna happen. I am not going to be a henderence to myself. I hear that cheesy rocky song in my head and I have my new theme:
"The question is not who is going to let me. The question is who is going to stop me." --Ayn Rand
Hell yes and booyah!
I am running on autopilot today because last night my parents had a HUGE argument and idk if there's any permanent damage. I mean they're talking like nothing happened NOW but does that mean everything is good?? I guess I'll find out whatever whenever.
Oh oh I knew I was forgetting something! I constantly get romanced by other's plans and achievements so recently I was reading Jenny's blog and she became vegan entirely and cut out bread. I find that highly doable as I am like 80% vegan as it is. So that's a little addition to my plan!!!
Ell: lol I know, I know!!! But sometimes it's just like oh forget this! But what the hell? All of the good girls go bad sometimes! :)
Charlie: Charlie-Angel!!!! Missed your comments! Aww thanks so muh babe!! <3
B: omg I am so happy I can help!!!! Lol but you're pretty awesome yourself!
Jenny: haha I know!!! Also "rockstar" by Nickelback has this line: "well I'll stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat" and I ALWAYS notice it. Then again it is in the chorus, lol :)
Katie: I think they're bulimics or superheroes. Then again all of their "keep slim" teas are all laxi teas!!!!! Every single freaking one! And they work like awesomely! And they advise "everyday usage" yeah right! Wouldn't do that if you want a life lol :))
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Friday, July 2, 2010

Saints and Sinners

"Forget about guns and forget ammunition, 'cause I'm killin' 'em all with my own little mission, no I'm not a saint, but I'm not a sinner, but everything's cool long as I'm getting thinner..."
-- "The Fear" by Lily Allen
Hey guys!
So good news: I LOST WEIGHT!!! Yay! Down 1.4 lbs as of this morning. However, I can't say the loss was just like whapow! And I have the award given to me and I get to be all "wow this was so unexpected..." Yeah no. I hadn't lost any weight yesterday after going to bed at a weight that shouldve guaranteed a loss. Then my parents had to go to a funeral so we had to wake up early and I had to say bye-bye to my morning run, that was the first thing. But to make up for it I didn't eat bfast. After I got off of work (approx 12:30p), my parents decided to go to a chinese restaurant. Now as you've seen in at least 5 other posts, asian food can send me into a spastic frenzy. It always takes me forever to decide what doesn't come in a fatty or salty (or BOTH) sauce and doesn't come with anything fried of whatever. So I got sauteed tofu, which came in a big ass bowl, and rice of course came with. White rice. Not even brown rice. I have problems with foods that have nnv (or no nutritional value). So I ate that and felt wayy too full. I wouldn't have eaten it all but my dad was proclaiming "no leftovers!" So blech. THEN he bought me this strawberry mousse cake that was light, sure, but didn't mix with the tofu well. I could feel my stomach pulse everytime I took a step. I could barely BREATHE because I felt nauseous. But then we went home. It was so my parents could change out of their dark funeral clothes, but I still felt like awful. So I decided to purge it. But not (only) for thin purposes. I really felt sick. Sorta like that one summer I had a tuna salad sandwhich with googobs of mayo and it went bad on my stomach. I remeber trying to get rid of it that night but it was already digested so I had to just suffer food poisoning (basically). Interesting though, I wasn't hungry after trying to throw up and I recall thinking to myself: if I did this I could probably lose weight by getting rid of my appetite. Hmmm, talk about an omen.
Anyway, I purged it and drank a lot of water afterwards (something I used to not do because I didn't want to gain water weight.) And I went on with my day. I wound up having some bread and sorbet later on, more water. I worked out with running and strength training, and I was down in lbs today!!!! Yay!!!
I'm trying to lose more weight today ( of course) so I won't be eating anything else today because it's like 3pm and I had bfast at 9am (340-360cals) and I had some fiber ones poptarts(~700cals or a bit less), so that's my cals for the day. I have to mow my lawn later on (burn cals!) And I'm going to work out too!!! Let's DO IT!
Emry: ya, thanks babe!
Ell: LMAO, diuretics are awesome, seriously. I used to/ still do love them, but I'm trying to be "good" haha
V.: aww thanks! Yep my cals did stay like that!!
Jo: thanks! I'm definetly going to keep trekking!!
Jenny: my love where have you been??? I miss you! Btw, if you have a twitter look me up: scarlet_tbeauty x's and o's babe!
Okay I am off to get skinny!!
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

(Re)Strict Machine

Hey guys! Soo I've been okay as of late, I think I'm on a bit of a plateau but I'm not worried. I've lost 0.4lbs since sunday, which is okay considering what happened on sunday...
My parents and I wound up going out for pizza. The three of us, an x-large pizza, and a pitcher of lemonade. FUN. I didn't gain anything. Yay!
I've been keeping up with my workouts for the most part: monday I did the entire plan, but yesterday I only did morning and night running, but I did walk around for like an hour at a festival with my dad. Monday my intake was purrrfect. Tuesday I had a lipton green tea (200), a blueberry bagel(270), coffee w/skim milk and sweetener (???), and tabbouleh(330). Oh and craisins(400). So not awful awful.
I feel like I need to get my ass in gear but I have no idea what the hell that means anymore! It just burns me that I can't lose it as fast as I used to! BUT back then I was laxi, diuretic, purging, fasting girl. So I guess technically this is better. Kinda want to laxies and fasting back though...when I got my allowance, I came thisclose to getting some laxies. Seriously. I had gotten to the point where I had ten dollars and NO ONE KNEW. But I didn't, I bought some used cds instead.
I need to relax, I know. It'll come off, if I keep working and pushing right? Also though, aunt flo technically speaking goes away today (though she stopped on saturday or something?) So you know it could be water weight. I've been having to pee a lot today so you never knoooww! I might be really light tomorrow!
Today has been pretty great. I ran this morning, so that's good. I won't get my afternoon run (AGAIN) because I'm out with my dad driving my mom to work. But I'm totally going to run tonight.
Intake so far:
Bfast: banana(100), bolthouse farms green smoothie (140)
Lunch: 2 slices of toast(220), carrot juice(70)
So that is 530cals so far and it's 2:30pm. So if my dad wants to buy me dinner I'm getting tabbouleh again. That'll take me to 860 for the day. That'll make me happy and hopefully I'll lose more weight!!! I'm gonna catch up on blogs soon so look for me in the comment stream!!!!
Lyndee: hahaha that's awesome! We're turning into thin planners!!! Lolol :)
Elora Rose: thanks babe, but you can and you ARE!!!
Becca: LMAO!!! I know I used to hate running too! I had issues w/my ankles and calfs, but I think that was mostly weight related! Ha I convince myself to run because a) I can do it now, and b) it's the only time anyone leaves me alone for five minutes in this house! Hahaha :)
Z.: trust me I hear you LOUD and CLEAR. But just remember, eventually, it HAS to go!!!!! <3
B.: oooh yoga is a GREAT idea!!!! My muscles do tend to tense up from time to time!!! Oh yeah I tried not to weigh myself for a week once and I nearly went into conniptions! I had to take out the batteries just so I could randomly stand on it and "weigh" myself, lol so sad! :)
Ana B: I KNOW! I'm gonna google and see if you gain water weight at the end of the stuff too..PMS, but the p is for post! We can do it!!!!<3
I can lose all of this weight! Let's get ten cheers for optimism!!!!!
Btw the post title comes from Strict Machine by Goldfrapp. That song is awesome. "Switch me on, turn me up..."
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Sunday, June 27, 2010

Don't Give Up Five Minutes Before The Miracle

OMG, I witnessed a miracle today and how fitting since it's sunday! But first let me tell you how the past days have gone. The day after my depresso (the newest emo kid edition at starbucks) post I woke up with my weight higher by 0.6lbs. But my stomach felt fine so that was a good thing. I attempted a liquid fast and at the last minute (okay 5p) I said forget it and ate some food. And I worked out for 45mins. Then the next day (friday) I was down 3lbs!!! I ate okay, a little weakend (I mean weekend) food in there. Saturday I was up 0.4lbs. But I was like okay, that's alright I can eat healthy and everything will be okay. But saturday was death. I was okay. I had pb and J earlier and some other shit but still, okay. That is, until we went to this thai restaurant and I had oriental veggies over rice with brown sauce and I ate the whole damn big bowl. Then I encored with a slice of chocolate cake and a container of candy. Then I had a big ass bowl of watermelon!! Stratospherically high cals!!!!! I ran for an HOUR and I weighed myself (I do this every night, the threshold for no gain is about 2.5 lbs up) and AFTER RUNNING I was 5.2 lbs up. ShitshitshitshitshitSHIT!!!! I went to bed sad, thinking I was going to be sosososo fat today. I weighed this morning and I was pleasantly shocked because I didn't gain the estimated 2.7lbs, I only gained NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH!!!! OMG!!! I was like what the hell?!? But I'm so fucking happy!! My metabolism is alive!!
So due to this new exciting totally awesome news, I am launching into part deux of ze plan. I'm sticking with the 900cals a day, though probably closer to a bit less than 805cals. I have two toasts with mango butter jam (there's no butter in it actually) for a bfast total of 205cals. Lunch will be less than 300cals and same for dinner. I got all inspired by Katie's (skinnybusiness) planning of her day by hours and stuff so now I'm doing that too!!!
8:15am wake up
8:30-9:00am running
9:30-9:45am feed my dog and myself
10a-12:30p work
1:30-2p lunch
2:30-3p running
6-6:30p dinner
9-9:45p running + light weights
1am sleep
Oh I bet you noticed what part deux of ze plan is didn't you? Yep I run three times a day during the weekdays. I'm gonna count cals like a fanatic and try to lose 1 lbs a day. I don't think that's too much to ask. I NEED to be at least 40lbs lighter before school starts in late august. Hopefully I can get more than that. The weekend plans are just to stay as close to 1100-1200cals as possible. In restaurants get a salad. In stores always read cals info (duh).
No eating past 7pm. Ever. That way I can burn it all up!!
So even though I don't know what I'm gonna weigh tomorrow, most likely less than today because I have to go do laundry and I don't think too much food is in the cards and I've only had my toast so far, but I'm gonna declare the total loss this week as 2 lbs. Yay!
Let's see how low I can go!
Lyndee: aww thanks sweetie!!!! It's true maintaining is super important and it's a zillion times better than gaining! <3
Gaunt Future: thanks babe! :)
Sophia: haha I've had that feeling before! I remember I drank water and I sat there for like 3 minutes listening to it swish! Lol :)
Annika: yeah it did make me happy that he wasn't a big jerk! I did wind up skipping the event (it was a yard sale, lol) but not because I felt fat, I just had a ton of stuff to do! And hey the water did go away!!! :)
Emry: you're so totally right!!!!! Maintaining over weekends is especially important! :)
Jo: omgosh I adored your comment!!!!!! Thank you so much it made me feel a zillion times better!!! <3
Becca: hey you!!!!! It's nice to see you back again! Yeah I'd be worried if it didn't pop up too, but more that something is wrong with rather than preggers cause I still carry a V card, lol. :)
B.: hahahaha you were totally right!!! It's amazing because normally the water takes forever to come off but not anymore!!! Yay!! :)
Katie: random question, but what in the hell are choco chips??? Are they cookies? Anyway, I'm ALWAYS doing that! It's like you're bored and your body goes on autopilot. There's a container of mixed nuts in my kitchen and I am always mental slapping myself to keep from eating them randomly!xxxoo<3
Jenny: omg HUGS!!!!!!! I feel so special!!!!!! I know I was so down in the dumps! But we are eerily alike, seriously. You are british me and I am american you lol. Daniel fast eh? Yeah I think I'm doing better now that I'm not jumping around all the time with fasting/binging/purging. My body likes me again, lol. Xxxxxoooooooo<3
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Things That Are Wrong

1) I bad mouthed my friend for nothing. He invited me to the event two hours after I'd checked.
2) I have been the same weight for three days straight.
3)Aunt flo came to town
4) I closely resemble a beached whale.
5) I feel like shit
6) I look like shit
7) I couldn't run today because my balloned stomach felt like it had fucking oompa loompas jumping around in it.
8) My friend's event is on saturday
9) I will look fat as hell on saturday and I will probably chicken out and not go.
10) I have never felt this nauseous, fat, worthless, in pain, or more like crying in my life.
I thank you guys for your sweet comments. I love you guys. Oh look the oopma loompas just kicked, they like you too. Ughhhh, I hope tomorrow will be better. Food is not appealing to me but I'm making myself eat because, well idk why. I guess it's the metabolism thing. But I bought some country time lemonade mix today. And I have money...I could easily do a liquid fast. I just don't have a clue what I want to do right now. I just feel crappy. If I don't liquid fast I'll stay with the 900 cals a day. Whatever. These are the times when I ask God "why?" And mean it. Why God, Why? What did I do wrong? Sorry guys, I promise happiness in the next post (I hope).
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Monday, June 21, 2010


"Nothing's easy, that takes the price down"
--- "Seven" by Chew Lips
I love that song. I've had it on repeat for the past three days.
Soo I got my phone fixed (obvious). It seems that the trackball issues are common, so now anytime it screws up I can go to my local t-mobile I can go and get a new assembly for FREE! Yay!!!
Anyway, the week has been quite dramatic. I went 1.5 days on my fast before I was climbing the walls like spidergirl. It was epically brutal. Sorta like when I started way back when. But now my body is apparently smart. I lost like three pounds on the fast but the next day I gained back like 2.4 of them. So basically I gained back the water at blazing speed. Gee, thanks. After that my week clicked over into party mode for father's day weekend. I've been dreading it because of all the food everywhere and I thought I was going to gain a TON of weight, but surprise, surprise. I maintained a loss of one pound for the week. I know that sounds ike whaaat??? And you're happy?!? But you don't understand: I ate like absolutely HORRIBLE these past few days. Definitely 1500cals. My dad took us to bakeries and restaurants and shit. And I never gained even a pound a day. THAT DOESN'T NORMALLY HAPPEN. If I did that a couple a weeks ago I wouldve gained two pounds a day lickety-split!
So I have a new plan. Because we love plans here don't we? Okay since my metabolism is working when I'm eating, I'll have around 900-1000 cals on weekdays, BUT I must exercise or it won't work (okay it might but I don't want to risk it). And around 1200 on weekends, also with exercise.
I'm also trying not to eat stuff that doesn't have a label. You know with the exception of fruits and veggies. Because things that don't have labels can be hell on wheels for calorie counting. Estimates are ok, but nothing's better that cold hard numbers on the nutritional facts.
So far I've done well today:
Bfast: banana(100), 1 tbsp of peanut butter (100), 2 cups of carrot juice (100)
Lunch: 1 cup of red beans (180), half a tomato (15), and a slice of whole grain bread (110)
So that's 605 so far. My dinner is going to be half of a naan pizza (260). So the day's total will be 865. Sweeeeet. I have yet to workout but I will. I'll probably do 35 mins of running with some strength training (calistenics and resistance bands). Then we'll see what happens. I feel pretty good though. I missed you guys a lot even though I was reading your blogs I still had so many thoughts in my head that I wish I could've blogged about.
My friend is having a yard sale of his uncle's stuff to help pay for some of his uncle's medical bills. I would love to go, there's an event on facebook and everything. Only, I WASN'T INVITED. Gee, one of the first people I was friends with in college and he can't invite me?!? Meh. Whatever. I'm semi-sick of my friends anyway. My other friend is transferring to my school and you know how I found out: because he changed his info page on his facebook to include my school. I encouraged him to apply, told him they'd surely accept him, and he didn't fucking tell me! Some friend. Just wait until he sees me next semester, I'm going to look so good it'll stop his heart. Ahole. The last time he saw me I was 270lbs (or higher!). It was the fall of 2008 and I only found out I weighed 270 in like may of 2009. And I was(and still am) on a weightloss kick so I may have been heavier when he saw me.
Anyway...that's been my life in my absence.
Comments (yay I can finally answer them!!)!
B.: haha I know but me + touch screens= DISASTER!!! I've popped so many LCDs on electronics while NOT touching them. I can't imagine what I'd do to one I was stabbing my fingers at all the time!
Annika Q: thank you for the compliments on my pictures from way back!
Pixie Dust: haha thanks for asking! Please refer to above!! :)
Katie: I think boarding school would be kinda cool, idk I always get visions of gossip girl like situations in places like that, lol. Make sure it's co-ed!!!!! <3
Christi: aww thanks babe!!! It took me like, a little over a year? I was 270 last may. We're a lot alike! What's your GW???
Okay guys I am off to find my scissors (I totally lost them. I am an airhead sometimes) and then work on some more thinspo scrapbooking. Then around Brian Williams time (I mean, 5:30p. I just LOVE brian williams. When they switched to digital TV and I couldn't see him for a few weeks I swear I had withdrawl symptoms), I will cook/eat my dinner. Then after primetime (around 9p) I'll go workout. See ya skinni minis!! It feels awesome to be back!!!!
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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Until I Feel It

Hey guys!
Sooo I've been doing the zero zig zag and everything, but I don't feel up for this. I want to fast. Starting tomorrow, up till sunday (have to have bfast with my dad on father's day) and then jump right back into it on monday. So water fasting, yay! I feel fat right now, I don't know why but I feel like I am HUGE. I feel like I did when I was 270, like I am filling up too much space. It's a very odd emotion. I was hemhawing about the fasting and my metabolism and such, but then something hit me: I have done countless fasts and my metabolism has NEVER croaked like that. So it had to be that I was purging so much. Fast binge purge, over and over again. But now that I have convinced my body that I will not, in fact, rob it of food I think it's okay again. We're cool now. ;)
Also, my phone is being shit right now, the trackball assembly is all fucked up. (I can't scroll "up") so I may not be posting until I can get this fixed (SOON!) Because I feel guilty about not being able to respond to comments. I get emails but I can't scroll down, read, and scroll back up like I normally do so I am sorry! I love you guys loads and loads and I appreciate all of the love and support you give me! <3
I wish this curse that I have with electronics would's pissing me off!!!!!
Also my exercise during the fasting will be jogging. I was reading runner's world magazine and got all hyped up, lol.
Remember to be good while I'm gone! I may be able to comment on you guys' blogs though since the browser I use to view them let's me use the 2, 4, 6, 8, keys to navigate!
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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Born For This

Thank God the metabolism booster days are OVER!!!!! Ok I cut them short but I couldn't take it. I was eating a little toooo normal. My weight was skyrocketing and I was thisclose to going back to mialand. You just don't know what it's like to look in the mirror at the end of the day and you still look bloated while holding your breath so much you think you're gonna die. Anyway, I water fasted yesterday and jogged for 30mins and I went down 3.4lbs :)
I'm hoping I can lose 5-6 lbs every three days. That would be perfect and lovely. I would lose about 12-14 lbs a week which would put me in a great position!!!
Today I ate my alloted food, which came out to about...600cals? It was this salad shaker thing (it had different layers of onion, black beans, corn, jicama, and tomato and came with this honey lime dressing (but totally not a lot and not fattening)) and a bagel (240) and a dessert cup(100). I plan on doing an hour on the elliptical and drinking water! So as Ana B would call it, this is the "zig" day. Tomorrow will be "zag" or about 800cals. So my plan is officially called Zero Zig Zag. And my workouts are Simple Hard Harder. Tomorrow I'm supposed to do an hour on the elliptical AND thirty minutes of jogging AND some strength training. It's not like I don't have the fuel to do it, lol.
Omg I am so bored lately though. I have nothing to do except for my job. I can't hang out with anyone because all of my friends are older and have money. I DON'T (yet). If this job would hurry up and pay me I could hang out with EVERYONE. I have three people who have said that we should hang out and I have totally flaked on them. So so sad. Doesn't matter, they'll forgive me when they see me all skinny and stuff! Well, I'm just telling myself that :D
I'm starting a thinspo scrapbook, which is surprisingly absorbing. One page took me like 15 mins. Haha, I'm so slow! I don't have all that paper lying around so I decided to use an old workbook/study guide I had from one of my old classes that I will NEVER need. The kicker? It's a psychology workbook!!! Hahahahaha. I'm gonna put a pic in here. I'm sure it's up top somewhere! Btw, turn your computer sideways to see it, lol.
I feel pretty good though, I've been watching a ton of movies lately. Mostly ED related. I really liked "a secret between friends". You can see it on youtube.
Okay I am off to workout and watch TV or scrapbook!
Gaunt Future: thanks!!!! Looks like you were right!<3
Z: yeah the metabolism is a crazy thing! I left some suggestions on your blog!<3
Cammie: yeah, the varying the calories seems to work awesome!!! Hopefully my metabolism will keep going strong!<3
Katie: aww babe you don't have to worry about me going anywhere!!! I don't know what happened to Jordan... I checked her blog and it's totally on lock-down, normally that happens because they delete it though? Ian Somerhalder==totally hot in a dangerous way, lol. Xxxooo
Jo: oh, oh, I do take acetyl l-carnitine and lysine and kelp(sometimes)!! Thanks for all the encouragement babe, I appreciate it!!!<3
Ana B: hahaha, yeah I was like: she had a heart attack because she saw a CAR COMING AT HER! Lol. Yeah raw would've helped. If only she'd traded that half cup of rice for a hearty salad for prolly less cals!! :)
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Saturday, June 12, 2010

What Is Love Without Lust?

Hey guys!
Sorry for the non-postiness. I was trying to keep myself on track, ya know? The past three days have been interesting...I have to remind myself to eat, I have to remind myself that I am to eat healthy food, I have to remind myself to exercise because I reeeaaallly don't want to, and I have to remind myself not to freak out. That is a lot of remembering. I have been eating okay, bfast is normally non-existant. It's been pretty much coffee. Then lunch is a vegan salad (chik'n) and dinner, weell it normally winds up weird. It's never real food. It's like a luna bar and coffee, or a slice of cake with coffee (bangs head against wall). And then that's it. I'm trying to workout, been doing some strength training, but seriously slacking on cardio. Then today I just feel like I need to sleep all day. I have been partying since wednesday nite because the Blackhawks won the stanley cup!!! I went out wednesday nite with the rents and drove around downtown, blowing horns and cheering with all of the people that were out. They run up to your car and give you high fives and fist bumps!!! Also people from other cars drive up along side you and do the same thing!! It was funny some guys in this car were totally not blowing and cheering but then they looked over and saw me in my car in all of my blackhawks gear and they started cheering and two of them gave me a fist bump! They were reaally quite cute too!!! Then I went to the parade rally yesterday, walked about four miles and stood up there screaming my lungs out with 2 million other fans. Now I feel like I have a hangover even though I don't drink! Btw the team is going to be on jay leno next week so check em out! Our team has some cute cool young guys, like my beloved mullet man, patrick kane. I hate mullets but he looks cute with his, lol. Also dustin byfuglien (buff-glee-N) is adorable but he's not gonna be on jay leno, sooo, google him or something!
I did gain a bit from food (expected) but I three or four pounds the first day, and now it's leveled at about three and that's been constant for the past two days. I know my metabolism is roaring back because everything is, ahem, moving smoothly. Though I'm eager to switch to my new plan; I have to keep this up til wednesday. I have to make sure my metabolism is convinced that I have been eating food. That way when I STOP it'll keep burning strong. For a while anyway. So that's been my life! Hmmm it doesn't seem so exciting all written out, lol.
Lyndee: *hugs*!!!!!! Hcg diet eh? Okay I'll look for that post, 50 lbs in thirty days would be a DREAM! <3
Lilith: wow thanks so much babe, that's really inspiring to me!! You're not far from my goal weight!!!!<3
Ana Banana: walking thinspo banner? Yes please!!! Lol, yep we're totally gonna do this together!!!<3
Jo: noooo, I don't do diet pills. I can't afford them and also they always have some crazy side effect. My grandma used to take phen-phen, but then she got parkinson's disease. So I'm really wary of pills like that now! <3
B.: haha me too!!!! Just as soon as I get to wednesday down the scale shall go!!!!<3
Jenny: awwww!!!!!*tears* that's so sweet, lol. Carrots are awesome, but so are karats my shining diamond!!!!!! :))) <3
Gracile: aw thanks, yeah being happy is an awesome feeling, I like to keep it around!!!!!!<3
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Operation REBOOT!

Hello guys!
I am in a much much better mood today and I thank you guys so much for all of your advice!!!! Lilith, Ariana, B., Z., and Jo, I love you all!!!!!!
Okay so I took all of you guys' ideas and rolled them into one big plan!! So for the next week I am going to eat 500-800 cals a day. No sugary crap, just like high protein stuff and complex carbs, low fats. I'm pretty much a vegan though, so my protein will come from seitan, soy protiens, and idk quinoa or something. There are these great things called Garden Burgers and in the vegan veggie they only have like 80cals a patty. I think they have like 7 or 8g of protein per patty! So I'm pretty excited. I'll also workout on my elliptical for one hour a day (no excuses) and try to do strength training three times a week. At the end of the seven days I will see what I weigh and evaluate whether I should do this for another week before I move on to phase two. Phase two is a plan I got from Ariana, which is liquid fast in the day and have a very small dinner. Well correction, it's water fast day, liquid day fast with the small dinner, then a 500-700cal reboot day, and repeat until skinny. Oh and keep up with my workouts! This should definetly keep me from binging, and purging is NOT ALLOWED!!! All that does it make me dehydrated which could be a reason why my metabolism conked out and why my body was holding onto water!!! It makes so much sense now!! (Thanks Ariana)What do you guys think????
Today has been good, I had a vegan chik'n salad for lunch (not a lot) and a kashi go lean bar. Around 7pm I'll probably eat again because my dad and I are going to whole foods to watch the stanley cup! When I go home, I shall work out. I don't care how late it is...
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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Airplanes and Shooting Stars

You know, I wasn't going to post today...but I can't go without you guys for long!!! Sunday was a wash but not a big one. Just not a fast. Meh. Which brings me to today, which was a fast. Yay. But you know I don't feel as happy about it as I should. I feel like I keep yoyoing between the same pounds over and over again. It must change. I know, I know, well stop screwing things up Scarlet!! But idk it's like sometimes I can't stop it. I eat too much. Not even close to binging I guess. But a bowl of pasta is still pretty fucked up in my book. I purge and workout and yay I don't gain. This is not an existence AT ALL. This should not be happening. Look at all those people who eat so damn much and lose weight. What the hell is wrong with me??? Why is my metabolism so dead? I just want to be thin. That's all I ever wanted. And yet it's so far away. I fail all of my deadlines no matter what I do. And time keeps passing me by. I want to do better, but how can I do better when I don't know what I'm doing wrong?? This is turning into a rant. I have to go to bed so I can go to work in the morning. I wish I had three wishes, I would wish for a million more and then fix everything that's wrong with me.
Comments...meh, not tonight. It's 1:30am. Katie, Violet, I love you.
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Saturday, June 5, 2010

Race To The Finish

Hey guys!!!!!
So thursday's water fast went ok kinda. I mean I didn't make it but it didn't go horribly. I made it to like 6pm and ate a bag of chips but I purged it. Then later I had grape juice. But yesterday I rocked it!!!! I water fasted all day and I plan on doing it again today.
I weighed in today at 207.6 lbs so I am on my way back down to lower weights!!! Yaaaaaaay!
I don't think much will get in the way today, my dad and I will be stuck in the house until about 5:30pm and then we go with my mom to a gospel concert festival. I mean I'm sure dinner might be lurking in the shadows somewhere, but they won't care if I don't eat.
Hopefully I can get even skinnier!!!
I've been working on the elliptical for an hour everyday for the past three days! I'm going for a record, lol.
I must be thin by any means! If I could just break through this 200 barrier I can keep going and never stop! I know I can do it between now and next monday (not this monday, NEXT monday)!
Jo: oh I totally weigh in the morning because I think I would go CRAZY if I had to weigh at night!
Ariana: oh really??? Thanks for the tip, my broken laptop was a Dell. Technically speaking it was good, just a little fragile! Lol
Violet: I think you're right! It's weird how we burn more cals during that time! Kinda like new mothers and breastfeeding! <3
B.: hey thanks for the encouragement!! It really perked me up and you were right, the weight went away!! :)
Charlie: aww thanks babe! Oh my mom has a mac laptop, but I can't afford one! Lol :P
Elle: that's exactly how I look too!! It feels like I'm being prepped to be in the Macy's thanksgiving day parade. My parents are okay if I don't eat as long as nothing happens to me. So they were okay with me not eating until I got sick three weeks ago and then they were all "you have to eat to fight the infection" but now that everything is back to normal I can go back to not eating! <3
Tiffany: oh that's happened to me before!! It's like the worst nightmare, makes you doubt all those fitness people who say it takes 3500cals to gain a pound!! I will definitely keep up with the plan!!!!! :)
V.: yeah I didn't understand it, but as long as I have water I have the solution!!! Lol
Katie: oh totally!!! I can't do ACV straight, you should see my face!! You would not stop laughing!! Lol. We are totally doing this fast! Omg you're taking french!?! I took two years of french! (Didn't retain much, hahaha). Mon cher ami et soeur de jeûne je t'aime!!!!!<3 <3
Red: heeeeeyyyy you're back!!!!! Thank you for the award!!!! I already did the seven secrets on my "I'd like to thank the academy..." Post, but I appreciate it all the same!!!!!! Xoxoxo! <3
Oooh they're showing "Rent" on TV. I've always wanted to see this movie!!!!! See you guys later!
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Thursday, June 3, 2010


So I did my liquid fast on tuesday. To my surprise I gained 1.4 lbs. I was like WTF?!? So I did an experiment. I kept my liquids fairly low and ate some food. Just 450 cals plus veggies. I gained 0.4 lbs. Hmmm, much less weight gained when I eat food but don't drink much??? I think PMS is kicking in. I'm horrible at predicting these times, even though they happen like clockwork. I'm always surprised! So I figure if this is all water weight then I can just keep working to lose the weight and wind up crazy skinny by the time everything goes back to normal. So today I'm doing a water fast with Katie (skinnybusiness) and I've already dodged my first bullet of the day. Upon waking me up, my mom immediately wanted me to drink carrot juice and a green smoothie. Both of which met their end down the kitchen sink when she wasn't looking. Oh well. I'm going to spike my water with apple cider vinegar because it suppresses appetite and boosts metabolism AND reduces water retention. Very interesting stuff.
Also I'm going to do an hour on my elliptical everyday. I mean the aerobic videos were okay, but I get bored quickly!!! But nothing flies by like an elliptical workout because all I do is pay attention to my music and sing along like a nerd! It's actually fun and by the time I look at the display thirty minutes have disappeared.
I don't know what the plan is for tomorrow, but I'm not going to stop weighing myself. One because I'm attached to my scale, and two because if I can get it to go down through this I can get it crazy low. IhavetoIhavetoIhaveto. I wish life would stop throwing me curveballs though. This is highly irritating. It's pure sabotage!!!!! But screw you hormones. Screw you.
I might keep water fasting...I don't have anything to do tomorrow!
Lisa: Thanks babe!!!!!!!<3
Jenny (FFF): hey thanks!!! Oh yeah my mom isn't pleasant when she upset either, lol. Thank God I do all the cooking in the house. Maybe you can convince her of the benefits of detoxing!! Oh okay, I'm gonna look into Toshiba!
Lilith: LOL, my Dell was the one that broke!!!! I have bad luck with electronics though! Years ago our desktop died after I used it, our second desktop got a virus, I've been through four MP3 players, and two phones!!
Katie: lol it does sound like you and R!!!! Five pounds?!? I think I would faint if my weight went up five pounds over the course of the day!!!!!!<3
V.: oh thanks for the tip!!! Yeah, it's great to have old friends back!!!!
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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

OMG June 1!

Hello, hello!
I hope you guys had a good memorial day weekend!!! Mine went pretty well. I mean I ate too much, purged a lot, took laxi tea, and exercised myself a ton. So, total damage is... 0.8 lbs. Booyah! Less than a pound up over the course of three days!!! So 208 for june 1.
So today I am liquid fasting. Gotta get back into the swing of things!!! I have to admit though, I feel good coming off that weekend. It's strange I am currently nonplussed by food at the moment. In fact I just made my parents lunch. Veggie burgers and french fries! Nothing crossed my lips, I didn't even lick my fingers. I drank a bottle of water so I'm happy. I'm also going to do my workout routine later on too!!! :)
On the real life front, well, quite a lot has happened! Firstly, my laptop is broken. The LCD popped (you know where you get the black because the liquid escaped behind the screen) so I have it as a desktop, connected to a monitor. But I just got my internship grant, which gives me a cool $1000. Which also means a new laptop!! I'm thinking about an HP, but I'll take suggestions!
Also on friday I had an actual conversation with my brother. I mean a real one where there were no awkward pauses. It was almost like we were never estranged!!! Yay! I love my brother but I can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop...we shall see.
Yesterday I got back in contact with my childhood best friend, CG. The last time we talked well, I was a bit pissed at him for basically ditching me for that anorexic bitch Amber. She was skiiiiinnnnyyy, anemic, and hardly ate anything. She wasn't all that pretty but pretty enough to steal my bff. It's weird too because that was four years ago and I didn't understand it. We were all friends and CG and I used to joke that I was Lizzie, he was Gordo, and Amber was Miranda. You know like lizzie McGuire, lol. But miranda hooking up with gordo went completely off script in my book!! I used to have the biggest crush on CG. The first was back in second grade. I remember once the phone rang, my brother answered it and told me it was my other bff raven. I immediately got on the phone and spilled my guts that I liked CG. like liked. I heard a giggle on the other end that sounded like mickey mouse. I was all "CG is that you?" Even though I already knew the answer. "Yeah" *giggles* I got off the phone and started hitting my brother. It's my most mortifying and vivid memory. Then I crushed on CG again four years ago. There isn't going to be any crushes now because he's not that cute anymore lol.
That's pretty much my life right now, pretty semi-dramatic huh? Lol.
Ariana: thank you!!!!!<3
V.: thanks and I'll be sure to! Lol <3
Skinny mini: it really does!!! It's an amazing feeling that can happen again and again!!! Yay!<3
B.: aw thanks babe! You will totally break 160 soon!!!<3
Jenny: LMAO!!!! Yeah it's an awesome song! Speaking of eminem, have you heard his new song "not afraid"??? That's an ah-mazing song!!!<3
Ana Banana: oooh I don't think the earth could take it!!!! All the guys will fall at our feet and pots will whistle as we go by! And everyday will be instant summer!!! Lol <3
Jo: yeah purging doesn't help with calorie expulsion, but it does get rid of food weight ridiculously well! I mean I only use it when I go overboard, most of the time I really don't eat that much!!! I will definitely keep up the workouts!!!<3
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Sunday, May 30, 2010

Oh Yeeeaaahh! *kool aid voice*

Yes yes yes I am finally lower than 209!!!! I am 207.2 lbs and am sooooo happy!!!!! I did the water fast on friday (okay I did have a cup of coffee) and yesterday I had a little food.
Well, I shouldn't say that. I kinda had a large amount of food. I had a vegan wrap and two slices of apple pie (not big ones though). An hour later I purged enough of it to satisfy me. I have to stop doing that. I know sometimes I have to eat but everytime I think I do it wrong and I have to get it out. I'm like an abused spouse. Abused by my scale. I'm always worried about getting it right.
Anyway, I'm waiting to go to the party. My dad threw his back out so he can't go, but he wants my mom and I to go. But whatever. I'll be back to my two hour workout regimine tonight (I took off yesterday). Tomorrow is memorial day which means french fries, pie, and veggie sandwiches. I'll probably purge it but oh well.
Violet: aww thanks babe!!!! You were totally right!!!!!!!!<3
WannaBskinny: I should probably start taking some omega 3's or something because I am totally lacking there!!! Thanks for the tips babe!<3
Ariadne: I've noticed that too!!! But I am absolutely determined to break the mold!<3
Lilith: omg I so wish I had diet pills to take!!! I'd have to wait until I get a lot of money (I have this research job over the summer that I'll get paid for but everything is kinda confused right now) so my parents can't keep track. I mean they don't police my money or anything but it's like wait you only have how much? What'd you spend all that money on? Lol :)
Vst_h: oh totally!!! I just keep reminding myself: pain is fatness leaving the's my mantra lol. :)
Jen: awww you're such a sweetie. Your comment made my face light up like a christmas tree!!! It's funny how we get into this mindset that we are supposed to lose wieght everyday! In fitness magazines people get discouraged if they don't lose anything in two weeks! We have totally been through ups and downs together but we will both make it to the end and be super gorgeous and perfect. Like Chanel Iman and Jourdan Dunn!<3 <3
B.: thanks, the slack thing seemed to do the trick!!!!! Apparently my body was all "yeah this is not happening like this" lol. :)
EDIT: party has been offed!!! Yayayayay!!!! My mom said she has to take care of my dad. I mean I still probably won't get out of eating, but at least it's not a "surprise inside" situation. I can pick what I eat and semi bonus: if I screw it up I can purge it. But I don't plan on screwing anything up!!!!! <3<3
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Friday, May 28, 2010

Little Earthquakes

I don't understand it. I have been doing everything right and I am not getting the results I want. Scratch that, I'm not getting results AT ALL.
I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday, it was kinda rough. After three days of liquid fasting (500 cal, 480cal, 750cal) I weighed 210.0 lbs. I was so pissed I just stared at the display blankly. How could I not even be 208 or 207??? What did I do wrong? I couldn't come up with an answer though. "This is not working," a sweet voice whispered softly in my ear, but I ignored it. I decided I was going to water fast. Epic fail. I had a piece (read large square) of sweet potato pie, a shit ton of pasta, bananas, and a tofu wrap. I purged all of it effectively and then I saw this story on inside edition on fifty cent. Hot damn, google this. He lost 54 lbs in nine weeks by liquid fasting and running on a treadmill three hours a day. I got all motivated and did two hours of cardio and thirty minutes of strength training. I said that obviously I needed to kick it up a notch. Yeah, all that notch kicking put me at 209.8 lbs. Woop. de. doo.
So I am water fasting today. I have four days to lose ten pounds (*bangs head against wall*). God help me. I am also going to do another two hours of cardio, and pump my body full of l-carnitine caps. Burn baby burn. I'm hoping to get to 206 by tomorrow, then I'll probably water fast again because what the hell? I have to eat on sunday (very little I swear I will stick to "I'm a vegan!" The host is filipino so I think I'll get away with eating next to nothing!) And I figure on monday I'll water fast again. Hopefully all of this will result in a lovely 199 on june 1. I am highly determined to break this barrier because honestly, I can't push back the deadline anymore. I've pushed this deadline back at least every month this year. I refuse to do it anymore. I don't care that my body wants to sit here like a lump on a log and not lose weight. It's mind over body. If I water fast and do two hours of cardio everyday, eventually my weight must go down. It has to concede because I am not going to break. Ever. I'm not used to having my body fight me, but I'm not scared of a battle. This is where the rubber hits the road. Bring. It. On.
Z: aww thanks babe!!! <3
Violet: *scarlet likes this* lol. Finals are a total killer, but once they're done you feel so free to do any kind of restriction you want without worrying about having enough energy to go through classes and stuff!! Just wait we're gonna run circles around people soon!!!<3
Katie: lol, I'm kinda obsessed with calculating other people's calories. It gives me a sense of peace, hahaha. <3
Elle: no prob babe! <3
Fat-fat-fat: hey! Is there another name you go by? Omg thank you so much!!!! Your comment gave me a warm fuzzy feeling!!!! You can totally do this, we all slip and fall but the strong ones are those that stand back up and keep going! <3
Jo: yeah you're right, my parents love me, but you know, misery loves company. Thanks for your comment, it means a lot! <3
Ana Banana: hahaha, thanks!! These nuggets of wisdom come rarely, lol. <3
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This Must Be Flashdance...

...Because what a freaking feeling!!!!!! I liquid fasted yesterday for a grand total of 480 cals. That consisted of ginger ale (120), two popscicles (160), and a gatorade (200). And I did the 45 min cardio party of turbo jam! Which is totally kick ass, btw. I mean I had to really work the entire time. I think I'll do it again today! Yes that's right, I want the pain, it shows me that I'm doing something right.
I didn't weigh in today, probably do that on thursday, I reaallly want to see an amazing number. Also on thursday I'll have three days before the party to continue and five days before my june 1 deadline of under 200. I have to keep pushing.
It's funny, yesterday my dad wanted a "goodie" from walgreen's so we had to wait for my mom to get home so we could all go. My dad got a bag of poppycock, which when you read the nutritional facts doesn't seem that bad: 150cals a serving, 104mg of sodium, all natural ingredients. But there were 8 servings in the bag. Yes, you read that right, EIGHT. Now the nutritional facts read differently: 1200 cals, 832mg of sodium. Yowza. The bag wasn't even that big which is what made it so ridiculous. My mom went with jalepeno cheddar cheetos and salt and vinegar vitner's potato chips. Now hers only had 640cals total, but god the chemicals in that crap were unbelievable!!!! MSG, hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup (???), the whole nine yards. I told her about it before she bought it and she told me she didn't care. Fine. I was tempted to get something "good". Maybe some gum or some chocolate covered raisins or something. But then I thought of you guys. And my goals. What I want, and how I had worked through the entire day drinking mostly water and worked out so hard and I was going to throw it all away for a one night stand with a bag of candy?!? Hell no. I got my gatorade for the electrolyte boost and had my two fruit popscicles and called it a day. I'm happy I did too because I got compliments from my dad of how skinny I looked today (yeah I know, he goes back and forth), while he complained of a swollen foot (from the salt most likely), and my mom said she was having a "fat day" and had a pouchy gut (also probably from the salt. But she didn't care remember??) So in the words of Agent Shaw on that epic season finale of Chuck last night: "Mwahaha".
Idk if I ever mentioned this but I'm a bit obsessed with the show Chuck. I love love love it and I think Zachary Levi is adorable. Just saying.
Also I'm trying to do this liquid fast according to the ABC (no promises 'kay?) So hopefully it works! So the plan for the rest of the day is have 340 cals or less (already had 160 in the form of fruit popscicles. It's freaking hot over here!) And work out. Talk about a good time, lol.
Katie: LMAO at your comment!!!! They are tards sometimes, lol. They have no filter in their brain and just spit out whatever comes to mind! Yay we both have mojo now!!! Let's get skinny!!!!<3
Ana Banana: hahaha, yeah I don't think my mom has been losing any weight like at all. I mean when I first got my old scale I weighed 242 and she weighed 184. Now I weigh somewhere around 208 probably and she's around 175. So from august to now she's lost like ten pounds and I've lost like 34. Soon I will overtake her, SOON.<3
Also hello new followers!!! There are 104 of you now! Feel free to comment, I love you all!!
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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Super Sonic Hyperspeed Week

Soooo, over the past few days I have been doing pretty well, nothing catastophic or glowing pride. It's been pretty meh. But this week is go time!!!!! I'm going to do a liquid fast because I need to get to 199 and my mom's friend from work is throwing a graduation party for her daughter this coming sunday. GAH. Party means food so I must be totally skinny. Also I had a bit of a wake up call today. I modeled some pants that are 14's from my mom's closet because now they look sleek and nice on me. My dad complemented me and then without thinking said: "yeah you really are coming down, it's amazing you and your mom are the same size. I mean, you look so much bigger than her. You have the illusion of weighing 250 lbs, but you're almost below 200." Apart from this being traumatic to hear at all, this comes after my mom tells me to take off aforementioned pants because I'm "stretching out the seat" because I have a big butt and she doesn't. Needless to say, I was ready to just batter both of them until they begged for mercy. Instead I picked this week long liquid fast with uber low cals. This will entail me basically hiding from my parents and "cleaning my room". Apparently life realized I was feeling a tad too good about myself and needed a kick in the ass. So thank you life. Fucking asshole.
My glands are a zillion times better today!!! Not perfect but better. I think it's related to my teeth because they started hurting a couple a days ago on the same side as the gland and when this started my wisdom tooth on that side was hurting. So, I'll fix it soon.
I'm off to starve and get skinny!!!! (Starting tomorrow, today is outing with the fam) :)
WannaBskinny: you're welcome and thanks!!!!<3
Leela: OMG you're so sweet!!!
Charlie: thanks, you being proud of me means a lot. :) <3
Gracile: that means so much to me and I appreciate it, you're a sweetheart!!<3
Violet Summer Chic: why thank you!!!! I am 5'9-9.5 in sock feet but for sure 5'10 in gym shoes. :)
Ariana: thanks babe!!!
Fat Bastard: you really are a bastard and jump off of my blog. I find it highly pathetic that you went through reading the shitty captcha just to leave a stupid comment that really didn't have any substance. Why are you on these blogs anyway? Are you being a peeping tom because you can't stop shoving McD's down your throat? I may not eat, but in the words of CSS: you can eat my ass, bitch!
Pocahontas: hey! Well to get down to lower cals work your way down from what you normally eat by like 100cals a day. It'll be easier for you to stick with it. If I'm correct, has an amazing list of tips, I think it's like 300 or something. However, if you don't actually have a disorder and are just trying to lose weight, you might just want to up workouts and eat like 1000cal a day and just do it the old-fashioned way because the pro ana route can get hella demanding (this psa has been brought to you by scarlet). So be safe and good luck!

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

...For this stunning award!!!!!!!!! Thanks to Gracile and Skinnybusiness I have the beautiful blogger award and I'm so proud!!! But now comes seven of my deepest darkest secrets:
1: I have shoplifted stuff before. But only from thrift stores that have no bar codes. The last thing I took was an Eleanor McEvoy CD because her song "Sophie" is like tops in pro ana for me and my dad wouldn't buy it.
2: I once played around with pepper spray and made a big pink streak on my mom's favorite white suit...she still doesn't know how it got there.
3: I steal my dad's diuretics, which eventually will catch up to me!
4: I once drank a whole bottle of peach arbor mist around thanksgiving when I was like thirteen and blamed the whole thing on my brother. A similar event happened with the sangria around christmas. Now my parents aren't surprised when they hear that my brother just so happens to drink a lot.
5: During an algebra exam I actually checked my notes to get the answer to a question. My teacher never noticed.
6: During a calculus 3 exam with the same teacher (who left to go to the bathroom) I traded solutions with JH to solve questions I didn't know and questions he didn't know. I got 92%, he got a 65%. He didn't have many solutions to trade. :P
7: Um, I'm a lot less vanilla than people think!!!!!!
And the awesome people I bestow this award on (sorry about no links, I'm on the mobile) in no particular order:
Ana Banana
Violet Summer Chic
All totally awesome people and if you didn't make the list I just didn't have enough room, but know you always have a place in my heart! (Yes I know I pushed the limit to nine...)
Anyway, how about some good reasons WHY I have the award!!!!!! I am 209.4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!! Hell yeah!!!! Idk if it's the workouts and the liquids (mostly) and the fact that my mom has been giving me laxi teas to "flush out the germ" but I can't believe I'm in single digits!!!!! I'm so closeeeeee!!!! Just ten pounds and I win!
I am still sick but getting better. I mean it's uncomfortable for sure but, it's kept me from screwing anything up! I can't even eat grapes because they are too cold and they get stuck under my right gland and it is such a pain to get it out! I so wish I had some antibiotics or something...gotta go to a doc or something.
Anyway...idk what I'm going to do today, drink water, tea, and other lovely things that won't pain me. I'll probably run today... Gotta get to 199 before june. 2 weeks for 10 lbs!!! Wooooot!!
Elle: aw thanks babe! you can do it!!!!!!!<3
Charlie: yes they do suck and I hearby banish all noodles!!!! Hahaha, thanks babe I'm trying!!!<3
Ana Banana: oh noes, we're on different teams??? NOOOOO!!!!!! I wonder why they switched you? It's okay, it's only friendly competition right? I read your water posts! I didn't see anything about the they just go away??<3
Athanasy: haha thanks babe. I figure even though I'm sick it's not affecting my legs lungs or breathing so I can run, lol. Running is strange because it's like hard and therapeutic at the same time...<3
Misty: yeah it makes me want to eat too but unless I want to hurt I can't! :)
Skinnybusiness: yeah it's wayy irritating for moms to eat less, but now we're like the same size and I'm all: "I've got you now!!!! Mwahhahahahaha!!!" <3
Gracile: it's true, guys don't normally go off and tell everything you let them know!! Thanks babe!!<3
I am off to let the winners know they won!!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Life in a Vacuum

Have you ever been in science class and your teacher is explaining that this theory would be absolutely correct if what you were studying were in a vacuum. Like that a feather and a boulder would free fall at the same speed in a vacuum, or that all gases behave as ideal gases in a vacuum. I wish I lived in a vacuum because then everything would be perfect.
I am still sick, but nothing more than the swollen glands. But that is irritating as hell. I haven't been on lately because I have been hopped up on tylenol and theraflu. I can barely swallow. I put my finger down in my throat where my glands are and I swear my right gland is blocking half the opening. It's hell. But on the brightside I have been on all liquids!!! Woot! With the exception of sunday. We went to the vietnamese noodle soup place I got a soup, drank all the broth and right before I call the waitress to wrap up the noodles so I can give them to my dog my dad is all "you might want to eat some of the noodles so that you have something to fight the germs with" oh you mean the germs you gave me?!? Then my mom says "yeah eat the rest of those noodles it'll help you" so over the course of twenty agonizing minutes I eat the noodles. It took so long because it hurt to eat. Literally. But I got it all down. But then, to add insult to injury, my mom doesn't finish her soup. "Oh I feel like I'm gonna throw up" she says in a croaky voice. Are you fucking kidding me?!? I was so pissed I couldn't think straight. And there was no purging because I only have half of a throat opening. Fantastic.
I gained 1.8 lbs from that! Unbelievable! So yesterday I had all liquids and ran for an hour and now I am down 1.2 lbs. So yay. I plan on doing the same thing today and all the days after that. I have 13 more days until june. Which is great because if I keep this up I can be down 15.6 lbs which will put me at...197. Oh yeah that's good motivation!!!! It's amazing that I barely eat anything nowadays but I spaz about it more. I remember long ago I would be happy because I capped at 1500cals, but now I'm like omg I'm over 800, must do drasticness!!!! Anyway, I've made progress, I just have to keep going. I have you guys to thank for a lot of it because you guys inspire me and are great motivation and support. I mean when I started on here I was highly awkward and I had few friends and I just did not think I was likable. But thanks to you guys who said I was a great person, that I was likable and viable, I am thirty pounds lighter, I have people introduce themselves to me randomly, a guy from one of my classes just friended me on facebook yesterday, I have a ton more friends, and I have people practically bugging me to death to hang out. I have a lot more self confidence and I feel amazing. So I wanted to give you guys a big THANK YOU!!!!!!<3<3<3
Elle: aw thanks babe, I'll definitely check out your blog!!! :)
Gracile: it's totally awesome to meet new people!! Strangely enough I get along with guys ten times better than I do with girls. But on the bright side, I don't think a time goes by when I am not crushing on one of the guys I'm talking to! Lol. Oooh an award!!! I can't wait babe!!! <3
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