Loss...

I'm doing okay today, still juice fasting, switching over to water tomorrow.
I am not my normal happy self though. My dog died yesterday. Well, he probably died the night before but I discovered him yesterday morning. It wasn't pretty. Damn the summer heat and heartless flies.
I always knew it was coming. I mean he was like 17 yrs old. Cocker spainels under the best of best care are only expected to live max 15. I wasn't the best of best care, my dog was just awesome. I miss him. He was the one person I knew would never turn on me. Ever. My best friend. And now I'm on my own. I mean my parents love me, but Baby knew more about me than they could ever know. He was perfectly content to sit on my lap for hours and let me pet him and tell him all of my thoughts. He was never judgemental. I was never wrong nor right. It was the perfect balance. Now my balance is broken.
I will probably never get another dog again. I can't take the pain when they leave. I will probably never eat pasta again, I was on my way to feed him when I discovered him. I'll probably be amazing this coming semester because I'm burying the pain in work. I'm doing it at my job. I'm doing it at home. I'm doing it with my fasting. Everytime I start focusing too much on the loss I give myself a task and go into headfirst. It's working, how he looked when I found him is starting to be neatly tucked far far away into my subconscious. I'm starting to only see him as he was when he was alive, which is good. I'm doing a lot better today, I was absolutely traumatized yesterday. I've had him since I was four. I was the last one in my house to meet him(I was at school when my parents got him at the anti-cruelty society) and I was the first one to know he was gone. It's really shitty. I'm trying not to get depressed. But it's hard. I want to water fast so badly. So I can feel the pain on the outside that I do on the inside. I need a distraction.
On the food side of things, I know laxies are a bad idea. I've had problems with them before. Thankfully things seem to be moving smoothly on my juice fast, so maybe I'll hold off.
I can't answer comments right now, I'll comment on you guys' blogs still though. I'm trying to be happier. I'm trying. But it hurts like hell. I'll be really peppy for a while and then feel really low. Like now. I am feeling low. Ugh, hopefully I spring back soon, Baby wouldn't want me to be this way. That was his name btw. Baby. He was afraid of thunder and the dark. He was a ham for attention. He was accident prone. He was crazy smart. He could get out of any cage unless it was secured with a chain. He snored like an old man. He was hyper as hell. He hated vegetables but would eat anything else you set in front of him. He was my best friend.
XOXO,
Scarlet<3
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