Pressure

Hey guys!
So I am doing much much better today and I thank you guys so much for your condolences. :)
I've gotten over the depressed sadness, now I just get weirded out by anything that deals with pets and also I don't much like my backyard. I can deal with that I suppose...
The water fast didn't happen because my body absolutely rebelled against me. It was ridiculous. So I'm just full time liquid fasting. The only problem with me is that I don't see liquids as food. And I don't count cals like I'm supposed to!!! It's driving me crazy because I sit in bed somedays and just calculate my cals for the day and I want to jump out the nearest window! I have to get it below 500cals for me to feel good. I estimate my morning smoothie (it's just a cup) as 100-120 cals. That's not a bad way to start the day but I find myself constantly drinking stuff that is not water. So I think I'm going to start blocking out times when I can have nothing but water. Like after my smoothie, nothing before 4pm. Like I used to do when I was eating food. And then I have to treat everything like it counts because IT DOES.
I haven't been killing it with my workouts lately. Just going for my morning power walk and then getting in like an hour of walking in place. It's not bad it's just not good enough.
I am now seriously under the gun. It is almost august and my semester starts august 23. If I'm going to look amazing I need to step it up. I just checked the rosters for my classes and it looks like A might be in my section of circuit analysis. I'm not positive because idk if I'm seeing the roster for my section or ALL the sections. Still though, fate would have him in my class. I must look magnificent. I MUST. I WILL. So I am going to start pushing harder than ever. I have to use this time to the best of my ability because once school starts, I'll probably have until september before the workload starts getting heavy and my time starts running short. It'll be mid to late september when I finally learn my professor's pattern and find a system of how to handle it all. I'm currently cleaning my room and I'm going to redecorate and automate. I will be the organization spaz this semester and have everything blocked in. I will miss NOTHING.
I know what you're thinking: goodness scarlet you're putting so much pressure on yourself! I'm not afraid of pressure. It makes me stronger, proves that I am strong, and pressure is the only way to make a diamond.
175 is the base goal for August 23. If I can get lower than that yay me. I need to get more serious than ever. The new freshmen are coming in, A is probably going to be in my class, I need new friends and a guy for once in my life. None of that will turn out the way I want unless I am skinny. It's not that I don't think I'm likable or pretty or anything bad about myself really. I'm damn smart, funny, cute, and witty, but unless you're slim/thin/skinny, you might as well nab harry potter's invisibility cloak because NO ONE will notice you. Trust me, I've lived through it most of my life. I'm alive dammit and I want people to recognize that. So I will open their eyes. I will make them see. I am fucking awesome, and yes you want to hang out with me, yes you want to ask me out, yes you want to sit next to me in class, yes you want to talk to me. The question is: do I want to do any of those things with you?
XOXO,
Scarlet<3
PS: hello to those lovely new followers!! Hello to those lovely regular followers! I love you and I looove your comments!! <3
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