Sunday, May 30, 2010

Oh Yeeeaaahh! *kool aid voice*

Yes yes yes I am finally lower than 209!!!! I am 207.2 lbs and am sooooo happy!!!!! I did the water fast on friday (okay I did have a cup of coffee) and yesterday I had a little food.
Well, I shouldn't say that. I kinda had a large amount of food. I had a vegan wrap and two slices of apple pie (not big ones though). An hour later I purged enough of it to satisfy me. I have to stop doing that. I know sometimes I have to eat but everytime I think I do it wrong and I have to get it out. I'm like an abused spouse. Abused by my scale. I'm always worried about getting it right.
Anyway, I'm waiting to go to the party. My dad threw his back out so he can't go, but he wants my mom and I to go. But whatever. I'll be back to my two hour workout regimine tonight (I took off yesterday). Tomorrow is memorial day which means french fries, pie, and veggie sandwiches. I'll probably purge it but oh well.
Violet: aww thanks babe!!!! You were totally right!!!!!!!!<3
WannaBskinny: I should probably start taking some omega 3's or something because I am totally lacking there!!! Thanks for the tips babe!<3
Ariadne: I've noticed that too!!! But I am absolutely determined to break the mold!<3
Lilith: omg I so wish I had diet pills to take!!! I'd have to wait until I get a lot of money (I have this research job over the summer that I'll get paid for but everything is kinda confused right now) so my parents can't keep track. I mean they don't police my money or anything but it's like wait you only have how much? What'd you spend all that money on? Lol :)
Vst_h: oh totally!!! I just keep reminding myself: pain is fatness leaving the's my mantra lol. :)
Jen: awww you're such a sweetie. Your comment made my face light up like a christmas tree!!! It's funny how we get into this mindset that we are supposed to lose wieght everyday! In fitness magazines people get discouraged if they don't lose anything in two weeks! We have totally been through ups and downs together but we will both make it to the end and be super gorgeous and perfect. Like Chanel Iman and Jourdan Dunn!<3 <3
B.: thanks, the slack thing seemed to do the trick!!!!! Apparently my body was all "yeah this is not happening like this" lol. :)
EDIT: party has been offed!!! Yayayayay!!!! My mom said she has to take care of my dad. I mean I still probably won't get out of eating, but at least it's not a "surprise inside" situation. I can pick what I eat and semi bonus: if I screw it up I can purge it. But I don't plan on screwing anything up!!!!! <3<3
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Friday, May 28, 2010

Little Earthquakes

I don't understand it. I have been doing everything right and I am not getting the results I want. Scratch that, I'm not getting results AT ALL.
I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday, it was kinda rough. After three days of liquid fasting (500 cal, 480cal, 750cal) I weighed 210.0 lbs. I was so pissed I just stared at the display blankly. How could I not even be 208 or 207??? What did I do wrong? I couldn't come up with an answer though. "This is not working," a sweet voice whispered softly in my ear, but I ignored it. I decided I was going to water fast. Epic fail. I had a piece (read large square) of sweet potato pie, a shit ton of pasta, bananas, and a tofu wrap. I purged all of it effectively and then I saw this story on inside edition on fifty cent. Hot damn, google this. He lost 54 lbs in nine weeks by liquid fasting and running on a treadmill three hours a day. I got all motivated and did two hours of cardio and thirty minutes of strength training. I said that obviously I needed to kick it up a notch. Yeah, all that notch kicking put me at 209.8 lbs. Woop. de. doo.
So I am water fasting today. I have four days to lose ten pounds (*bangs head against wall*). God help me. I am also going to do another two hours of cardio, and pump my body full of l-carnitine caps. Burn baby burn. I'm hoping to get to 206 by tomorrow, then I'll probably water fast again because what the hell? I have to eat on sunday (very little I swear I will stick to "I'm a vegan!" The host is filipino so I think I'll get away with eating next to nothing!) And I figure on monday I'll water fast again. Hopefully all of this will result in a lovely 199 on june 1. I am highly determined to break this barrier because honestly, I can't push back the deadline anymore. I've pushed this deadline back at least every month this year. I refuse to do it anymore. I don't care that my body wants to sit here like a lump on a log and not lose weight. It's mind over body. If I water fast and do two hours of cardio everyday, eventually my weight must go down. It has to concede because I am not going to break. Ever. I'm not used to having my body fight me, but I'm not scared of a battle. This is where the rubber hits the road. Bring. It. On.
Z: aww thanks babe!!! <3
Violet: *scarlet likes this* lol. Finals are a total killer, but once they're done you feel so free to do any kind of restriction you want without worrying about having enough energy to go through classes and stuff!! Just wait we're gonna run circles around people soon!!!<3
Katie: lol, I'm kinda obsessed with calculating other people's calories. It gives me a sense of peace, hahaha. <3
Elle: no prob babe! <3
Fat-fat-fat: hey! Is there another name you go by? Omg thank you so much!!!! Your comment gave me a warm fuzzy feeling!!!! You can totally do this, we all slip and fall but the strong ones are those that stand back up and keep going! <3
Jo: yeah you're right, my parents love me, but you know, misery loves company. Thanks for your comment, it means a lot! <3
Ana Banana: hahaha, thanks!! These nuggets of wisdom come rarely, lol. <3
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This Must Be Flashdance...

...Because what a freaking feeling!!!!!! I liquid fasted yesterday for a grand total of 480 cals. That consisted of ginger ale (120), two popscicles (160), and a gatorade (200). And I did the 45 min cardio party of turbo jam! Which is totally kick ass, btw. I mean I had to really work the entire time. I think I'll do it again today! Yes that's right, I want the pain, it shows me that I'm doing something right.
I didn't weigh in today, probably do that on thursday, I reaallly want to see an amazing number. Also on thursday I'll have three days before the party to continue and five days before my june 1 deadline of under 200. I have to keep pushing.
It's funny, yesterday my dad wanted a "goodie" from walgreen's so we had to wait for my mom to get home so we could all go. My dad got a bag of poppycock, which when you read the nutritional facts doesn't seem that bad: 150cals a serving, 104mg of sodium, all natural ingredients. But there were 8 servings in the bag. Yes, you read that right, EIGHT. Now the nutritional facts read differently: 1200 cals, 832mg of sodium. Yowza. The bag wasn't even that big which is what made it so ridiculous. My mom went with jalepeno cheddar cheetos and salt and vinegar vitner's potato chips. Now hers only had 640cals total, but god the chemicals in that crap were unbelievable!!!! MSG, hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup (???), the whole nine yards. I told her about it before she bought it and she told me she didn't care. Fine. I was tempted to get something "good". Maybe some gum or some chocolate covered raisins or something. But then I thought of you guys. And my goals. What I want, and how I had worked through the entire day drinking mostly water and worked out so hard and I was going to throw it all away for a one night stand with a bag of candy?!? Hell no. I got my gatorade for the electrolyte boost and had my two fruit popscicles and called it a day. I'm happy I did too because I got compliments from my dad of how skinny I looked today (yeah I know, he goes back and forth), while he complained of a swollen foot (from the salt most likely), and my mom said she was having a "fat day" and had a pouchy gut (also probably from the salt. But she didn't care remember??) So in the words of Agent Shaw on that epic season finale of Chuck last night: "Mwahaha".
Idk if I ever mentioned this but I'm a bit obsessed with the show Chuck. I love love love it and I think Zachary Levi is adorable. Just saying.
Also I'm trying to do this liquid fast according to the ABC (no promises 'kay?) So hopefully it works! So the plan for the rest of the day is have 340 cals or less (already had 160 in the form of fruit popscicles. It's freaking hot over here!) And work out. Talk about a good time, lol.
Katie: LMAO at your comment!!!! They are tards sometimes, lol. They have no filter in their brain and just spit out whatever comes to mind! Yay we both have mojo now!!! Let's get skinny!!!!<3
Ana Banana: hahaha, yeah I don't think my mom has been losing any weight like at all. I mean when I first got my old scale I weighed 242 and she weighed 184. Now I weigh somewhere around 208 probably and she's around 175. So from august to now she's lost like ten pounds and I've lost like 34. Soon I will overtake her, SOON.<3
Also hello new followers!!! There are 104 of you now! Feel free to comment, I love you all!!
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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Super Sonic Hyperspeed Week

Soooo, over the past few days I have been doing pretty well, nothing catastophic or glowing pride. It's been pretty meh. But this week is go time!!!!! I'm going to do a liquid fast because I need to get to 199 and my mom's friend from work is throwing a graduation party for her daughter this coming sunday. GAH. Party means food so I must be totally skinny. Also I had a bit of a wake up call today. I modeled some pants that are 14's from my mom's closet because now they look sleek and nice on me. My dad complemented me and then without thinking said: "yeah you really are coming down, it's amazing you and your mom are the same size. I mean, you look so much bigger than her. You have the illusion of weighing 250 lbs, but you're almost below 200." Apart from this being traumatic to hear at all, this comes after my mom tells me to take off aforementioned pants because I'm "stretching out the seat" because I have a big butt and she doesn't. Needless to say, I was ready to just batter both of them until they begged for mercy. Instead I picked this week long liquid fast with uber low cals. This will entail me basically hiding from my parents and "cleaning my room". Apparently life realized I was feeling a tad too good about myself and needed a kick in the ass. So thank you life. Fucking asshole.
My glands are a zillion times better today!!! Not perfect but better. I think it's related to my teeth because they started hurting a couple a days ago on the same side as the gland and when this started my wisdom tooth on that side was hurting. So, I'll fix it soon.
I'm off to starve and get skinny!!!! (Starting tomorrow, today is outing with the fam) :)
WannaBskinny: you're welcome and thanks!!!!<3
Leela: OMG you're so sweet!!!
Charlie: thanks, you being proud of me means a lot. :) <3
Gracile: that means so much to me and I appreciate it, you're a sweetheart!!<3
Violet Summer Chic: why thank you!!!! I am 5'9-9.5 in sock feet but for sure 5'10 in gym shoes. :)
Ariana: thanks babe!!!
Fat Bastard: you really are a bastard and jump off of my blog. I find it highly pathetic that you went through reading the shitty captcha just to leave a stupid comment that really didn't have any substance. Why are you on these blogs anyway? Are you being a peeping tom because you can't stop shoving McD's down your throat? I may not eat, but in the words of CSS: you can eat my ass, bitch!
Pocahontas: hey! Well to get down to lower cals work your way down from what you normally eat by like 100cals a day. It'll be easier for you to stick with it. If I'm correct, has an amazing list of tips, I think it's like 300 or something. However, if you don't actually have a disorder and are just trying to lose weight, you might just want to up workouts and eat like 1000cal a day and just do it the old-fashioned way because the pro ana route can get hella demanding (this psa has been brought to you by scarlet). So be safe and good luck!

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

...For this stunning award!!!!!!!!! Thanks to Gracile and Skinnybusiness I have the beautiful blogger award and I'm so proud!!! But now comes seven of my deepest darkest secrets:
1: I have shoplifted stuff before. But only from thrift stores that have no bar codes. The last thing I took was an Eleanor McEvoy CD because her song "Sophie" is like tops in pro ana for me and my dad wouldn't buy it.
2: I once played around with pepper spray and made a big pink streak on my mom's favorite white suit...she still doesn't know how it got there.
3: I steal my dad's diuretics, which eventually will catch up to me!
4: I once drank a whole bottle of peach arbor mist around thanksgiving when I was like thirteen and blamed the whole thing on my brother. A similar event happened with the sangria around christmas. Now my parents aren't surprised when they hear that my brother just so happens to drink a lot.
5: During an algebra exam I actually checked my notes to get the answer to a question. My teacher never noticed.
6: During a calculus 3 exam with the same teacher (who left to go to the bathroom) I traded solutions with JH to solve questions I didn't know and questions he didn't know. I got 92%, he got a 65%. He didn't have many solutions to trade. :P
7: Um, I'm a lot less vanilla than people think!!!!!!
And the awesome people I bestow this award on (sorry about no links, I'm on the mobile) in no particular order:
Ana Banana
Violet Summer Chic
All totally awesome people and if you didn't make the list I just didn't have enough room, but know you always have a place in my heart! (Yes I know I pushed the limit to nine...)
Anyway, how about some good reasons WHY I have the award!!!!!! I am 209.4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!! Hell yeah!!!! Idk if it's the workouts and the liquids (mostly) and the fact that my mom has been giving me laxi teas to "flush out the germ" but I can't believe I'm in single digits!!!!! I'm so closeeeeee!!!! Just ten pounds and I win!
I am still sick but getting better. I mean it's uncomfortable for sure but, it's kept me from screwing anything up! I can't even eat grapes because they are too cold and they get stuck under my right gland and it is such a pain to get it out! I so wish I had some antibiotics or something...gotta go to a doc or something.
Anyway...idk what I'm going to do today, drink water, tea, and other lovely things that won't pain me. I'll probably run today... Gotta get to 199 before june. 2 weeks for 10 lbs!!! Wooooot!!
Elle: aw thanks babe! you can do it!!!!!!!<3
Charlie: yes they do suck and I hearby banish all noodles!!!! Hahaha, thanks babe I'm trying!!!<3
Ana Banana: oh noes, we're on different teams??? NOOOOO!!!!!! I wonder why they switched you? It's okay, it's only friendly competition right? I read your water posts! I didn't see anything about the they just go away??<3
Athanasy: haha thanks babe. I figure even though I'm sick it's not affecting my legs lungs or breathing so I can run, lol. Running is strange because it's like hard and therapeutic at the same time...<3
Misty: yeah it makes me want to eat too but unless I want to hurt I can't! :)
Skinnybusiness: yeah it's wayy irritating for moms to eat less, but now we're like the same size and I'm all: "I've got you now!!!! Mwahhahahahaha!!!" <3
Gracile: it's true, guys don't normally go off and tell everything you let them know!! Thanks babe!!<3
I am off to let the winners know they won!!
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Life in a Vacuum

Have you ever been in science class and your teacher is explaining that this theory would be absolutely correct if what you were studying were in a vacuum. Like that a feather and a boulder would free fall at the same speed in a vacuum, or that all gases behave as ideal gases in a vacuum. I wish I lived in a vacuum because then everything would be perfect.
I am still sick, but nothing more than the swollen glands. But that is irritating as hell. I haven't been on lately because I have been hopped up on tylenol and theraflu. I can barely swallow. I put my finger down in my throat where my glands are and I swear my right gland is blocking half the opening. It's hell. But on the brightside I have been on all liquids!!! Woot! With the exception of sunday. We went to the vietnamese noodle soup place I got a soup, drank all the broth and right before I call the waitress to wrap up the noodles so I can give them to my dog my dad is all "you might want to eat some of the noodles so that you have something to fight the germs with" oh you mean the germs you gave me?!? Then my mom says "yeah eat the rest of those noodles it'll help you" so over the course of twenty agonizing minutes I eat the noodles. It took so long because it hurt to eat. Literally. But I got it all down. But then, to add insult to injury, my mom doesn't finish her soup. "Oh I feel like I'm gonna throw up" she says in a croaky voice. Are you fucking kidding me?!? I was so pissed I couldn't think straight. And there was no purging because I only have half of a throat opening. Fantastic.
I gained 1.8 lbs from that! Unbelievable! So yesterday I had all liquids and ran for an hour and now I am down 1.2 lbs. So yay. I plan on doing the same thing today and all the days after that. I have 13 more days until june. Which is great because if I keep this up I can be down 15.6 lbs which will put me at...197. Oh yeah that's good motivation!!!! It's amazing that I barely eat anything nowadays but I spaz about it more. I remember long ago I would be happy because I capped at 1500cals, but now I'm like omg I'm over 800, must do drasticness!!!! Anyway, I've made progress, I just have to keep going. I have you guys to thank for a lot of it because you guys inspire me and are great motivation and support. I mean when I started on here I was highly awkward and I had few friends and I just did not think I was likable. But thanks to you guys who said I was a great person, that I was likable and viable, I am thirty pounds lighter, I have people introduce themselves to me randomly, a guy from one of my classes just friended me on facebook yesterday, I have a ton more friends, and I have people practically bugging me to death to hang out. I have a lot more self confidence and I feel amazing. So I wanted to give you guys a big THANK YOU!!!!!!<3<3<3
Elle: aw thanks babe, I'll definitely check out your blog!!! :)
Gracile: it's totally awesome to meet new people!! Strangely enough I get along with guys ten times better than I do with girls. But on the bright side, I don't think a time goes by when I am not crushing on one of the guys I'm talking to! Lol. Oooh an award!!! I can't wait babe!!! <3
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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Pomp and Circumstance

Hello lovelies!
So friday went well with the liquid fast, I didn't weigh my self on saturday morning for fear I would have any post water fasting jump back weight. I had about 750 cals, just at my limit >_<! But I'll do better. Yesterday well, it was interesting. I didn't think it through completely.
I was up at 6:15 am, fed my dog, drank a cup of soymilk and got dressed. I showed up at my school at 7:30am, got my gown/robe which looked pretty kick ass btw, and sat around talking so that I wouldn't eat the donuts sitting on the table. It went well, but by idk noon something I did not expect happened: my cheap penny pinching school provided lunch. Damn it all to hell. Everyone already saw me not eat any bfast and we were all at completely full tables, talking. Needless to say, I had to eat. I had a veggie sandwich that as well as veggies had a slice of cheese on it, an apple, and a pepsi (I don't drink diet, sorry I can't deal with aspartame). I was so super pissed. Then later my dad bought me some acai juice and that was it for the day. It wasn't horrible but not what I wanted. So now I am 212.0 today. Fine. But food won't be an issue for a long time because my wisdom teeth are growing in and they hurt like hell and food particles keep getting stuck back there and if I get them out I hurt myself so food is off the table for sure, lol. Also my throat glands are swollen (but going down!!) So it feels a bit strange to swallow in the first place. Stupid dad germs. Surprisingly my immune system is kicking ass and refuses to let me get actually sick. I get symptoms and then they quickly recede. I imagine the defenses are starting to run low dad has been sick all week. Germs, germs, germs 24/7. Gah.
Anyway, today is a liquid fast and tomorrow will be water. I'm doing this checkerboard fasting with red. Gotta be under 200 before june if I have a snowball's chance of making 130 by the time I go back to school. :)
That's like 82 lbs in 14 weeks. That's about 5.5 lbs a week which I think is totally doable. I already lost 6.8 so far this week (technically my week doesn't end until tomorrow morning!) So I think, no I know, I can do it.
Oooh but I have awesome info for you guys about what happened at the graduation (not mine I was just helping out!). Firstly, I actually was sociable!!!!! I met and now know the names of two new people!!!! They're both guys, lol. One is a 6'4 gentle giant type named robert and the other one is about 5'8 and kinda lanky, lol, his name is eric. But but, that's not the totally awesome part. The totally awesome part is that I was talking with my friend MK and this random guy totally bumps into me from behind. He's all "excuse me sorry" and looks like he's going to walk away. Then he totally turns back around and is all "btw, my name is CA, what's your name?"
"Scarlet nice to meet you" and then he walks away. And I'm like wtf??? Okay, whatever.
Then later I was talking with robert in the auditorium while all the grads take pics before the ceremony, and CA comes on down for no particular reason. He was down the row so he had to cross the chairs to get where robert and I were. He starts down the row and then the photographer takes another grad picture with these huge lightbulbs that can cause temporary blindness everytime they flash. CA stumbles but catches himself. Says something really fast about the flash and something something and left back up the aisle before I could even say anything. He was so embarassed. I felt bad for him. But really good for me because he was cute. :D
So that was my day yesterday and today will be great too! I'm off to liquid fast!!!
WannaBskinny: water fasting is really hard to do straight because it totally makes you fixate on anything with taste. You should try the checkerboard like me and red. I normally just drink the carrot juice because it's only 50-60 cals a cup. You can do a 2:1 ratio of carrot juice to water though and it tastes fine and that combo is only 33-40 cals a cup. I drink carrot juice and celery juice and cucumber and any green juice really. I try to limit fruit juices because they are high cals, but if you mix carrot with apple it tastes sweet and good and lower cal than straight apple! Hope this helps! <3
Violet summer chic: aww thanks babe! Just you wait soon you'll look like a celery stalk in her jeans!!!! I was nervous putting them on!!! :)
Red: yeah, definitely can't do much bedridden, lol. Yay! Dropping dress sizes feels amazing... And motivating! My parents don't believe in multi vitamins because they think they're too processed. They are health nuts which is precisely why I don't get fat when we eat but I don't lose anything either. But they were okay with me drinking carrot juice in the morning (we finally got some!!!) And I told them I was doing the liquid/water checkerboard thing and they're cool now! <3
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Friday, May 14, 2010

Blah Blah Blah

Okay, so I made it through day four, all the way to this morning. I weighed in at 211! Wooooooooo! However, this is where the water fast hits the road. My dad is sick and I am around him 24/7. Yesterday when we picked my mom up from work I had a bit of a cough. She FREAKED. She said I couldn't get sick because one, she doesn't want me sick, and two, I have to do this honor marshal thing at my school's commencement ceremony (no I am not a grad, just helping out), and I just got a 10 week summer research job that starts soon. So she said basically that the water fast was over and that I had to get some nutrition. Damn. So this morning I said I'd settle for a liquid fast. My parents definition of a liquid fast and my definition are different. You guys already know mine, theirs is that it's mostly liquid, but it can still have a small solid component. *bangs head against wall* so my mom made me this drink which is like that carnation breakfast drink whatever that they have. Only a small small solid component. You should've seen me though. I was about to drink it and I had to put it down, go to my room and calm myself. It's only 80cal but it was a major headtrip for me. I think I'll have to drink it in the morning for a while, but soon they'll assume I drank it and I can opt for carrot juice or something. However I think they would've been okay with me drinking carrot juice but we ran out of carrots so we have to buy some and then my mom has to juice them. That should happen later on today so maybe today will be the only one that's not a complete liquid fast. Yay. But this could be good for me I guess. Who knows what might've happened in the future? Maybe this is God's way of sparing me an impending binge or something and that's always a good thing right? Ugh I am so confused right now. I feel like idk, like this is my fault. Like I shouldn't have gotten that cough (which mysteriously went away after I had the drink)...idk, I'm not going to let it stop me. I wasn't going to blog today but I can't leave you guys in the dark because I don't want to 'fess up. So liquid fast rules are now in effect! Aim for 500cal, no more than 800cal and the bfast lunch dinner and two snacks format. Water is an anytime food. :P
I can't believe how much my figure has changed though, I look really good. I'm wearing a boho style outfit with flowy fabric and I don't look like a whale. I look cute and stylish!!! I haven't been able to do that in a looooong time. Also I have awesome news. Yesterday I was talking to my mom about what to wear as an honor marshal tomorrow and I need dockers. Being a fashionista, I don't own a single pair of dockers, lol. I HATE them. But my mom has zillions of dockers. So she's all well, I've got some dockers that I just wore yesterday, if you fit them you can wear them on saturday. Otherwise you're gonna have to wear those black pants you have somewhere in your room (I am a notoriously messy person,lol). I asked her what size they were and she looked at me like I was crazy and said "fourteen, that's my size remember?" I was nervous. I mean my sixteens are looser on me but it's not like they are falling off, and maybe those other pants were a different cut, and in no way could lighting strike the same place twice...or can it? The pants went smoothly up my skinnier frame. Fastened at the waist, with freaking SPACE in the back. I was like omg!!!!! But then I looked down at the dockers and I was like, "I hate dockers though they make my stomach look pouchy" and for the second time that day my mom looked at me like I was insane.
"Turn around" I did "you don't have a stomach, there's nothing there to make look pouchy. There's nothing there!" Hahahahahahaha, I love my mother. But when I looked in the mirror she wasn't lying. I actually looked...good? Yay!!!! Thank you water fasting!!!!!
I am honestly happy. Sad about the water fast ending but happy that I am skinnier and not sick (because that would suck). So I'll lose weight with the force of a twister rather than a tornado. Lol.
Also thank you guys for your sweet comments about my parents. They aren't getting a divorce my dad was just upset. He does that sometimes because a long long time ago (like 14, 15 years) my dad's boss (a woman) was kind of sexually harassing him. He filed charges. Boss fired. My dad becomes a target of the company. Fast forward four years and my dad gets a stress related nervous system disease that can't be cured and is highly serious and can cause death if he stays under high stress. Believe me when I tell you his job was high stress. So the company actually forced him on disability rather than making accomodations. Insert complaining to government and you get here ten years later where the government is still investigating and my dad is not working. And none of his old friends talk to him because they are backstabbing assholes. So occasionally, he gets depressed and blames my mom and then slaps back to his senses and is okay. It doesn't happen often which is why it took me by surprise.
Also, my dad isn't a bad influence so to speak, he's just like everyone else you know? Like when you and your friends go out to lunch and they get normal stuff you can't have or if you're able to say you're on a diet and they completely support you to the point of irritation. Or they tell you that you deserve something for all the great strides you've made. Like devil's advocate and God's angel all rolled into one. Lol. So please don't blame him for my short falls. :)
Ana Banana: Yeah, it's not gonna happen again. I'm feeling really great right now and I can SEE a difference now. :) thanks babe.<3
Gracile: thank you so much for your concern, you're such a sweetheart <3
Ihaightjessie: aw nice to know I'm not alone. :)
Charlie: omg babe that comment was not awkward at all. Thank you so much and I love you (in a non-awkward way) :) <3
Skinnybusiness: ah, I've missed your comments my dear!!!!! Thank you so much and I am totally aggressive right now. I want what I want and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get it! Yeah, I can talk to you guys about anything...probably more than the regular people I know (not that you guys aren't regular lol). I was always raised to be so private and don't tell people all of your business, etc. Probably why I have a hard time being social with people now! Thanks babe and I totally <3 you. :)
Thank you for making to the bottom of this ridiculously long post, you all get hugs!!! Yay!
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Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm At The Door, Day 4!

I'm not as happy today as I was yesterday. My weight is 212.8, which is my low weight, and yeah I'm happy about it, but it could've been lower if I hadn't let my brain get in the way of my goals. Yesterday I was doing awesome, I had just gotten gum and seltzer water. Then when we came home and my mom had left for work, my dad spent all this time talking about how he wants a divorce with my mom because she's "mean, and treats him badly" and there's a ton of other stuff I can't tell you guys about. I talked him down but it took a lot outta me. And I just needed something to fill in the cracks... So I decided on a chew and spit session that turned into a chew and swallow, which turned into a purge. It was just two pieces of bread and an apple but still. Then I jogged for an hour instead of for just thirty minutes. I think I made up for the slip, so I am still counting days on the fast. I think my body is holding on to the water because of the purge, but I'm okay. Food is not the cure all. Fuck food. Look what it did, even after I purged it and exercised it away!!! I will show my body who's boss. I'm already at my low weight and I'm not stopping, I am going to pound down those numbers till I see 195 (my "safe zone") then I'm gonna switch to a liquid fast until I am satisfied. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have everything right beyond my fingertips. I have to push for it. As my parents have always told me: everything that's out there now will still be out there when you finish this that and the other. Every food will still be out there when I finish this. I'm not missing anything. If I sacrifice for two months I can get everything I want. I want it. I want it now!
Ana Banana: omg babe I want that feeling so badly!!!!!! I am pushing towards the mark! And yeah the people in pro-ana land are honest and non-judgemental! Woot!<3
Victoria Crimson: aww, thanks! Haha, yes I want it more than anything right now, I wanna see a number that does not start with 2!!!<3
Jenny: hey babe I didn't see your comment on my other post before I posted my last post!!! It's funny I posted one minute after you commented!!!! I'm so glad to make you proud though!!<3
Off to take over the world!
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Yay Me It's Day 3!

Hey guys!!!!
So today I weighed in at 213.4 lbs, only .6 lbs away from my low weight and down another 2.2 lbs since yesterday! That's 5.4 lbs in two days!!!!!! Yayayayay!
Yesterday I had:
My acetyl l-carnitine pills, and kelp pill
Lemon water
Cinnamon tea
Hawthorne tea
And I jogged for 33 minutes and walked for 30 minutes! I feel really good though!! I think my stomach is starting to become aware that it has nothing coming it's way. It's starting to growl more, but no hunger pangs yet (sorry red!). Either that or somehow I am magically blocking them out from my brain! Haha, idk.
I was a bit unhappy yesterday, all of my final grades are in and unfortunately my prized 4.0 gpa is no more. I got A's for all of my classes except physics, in which I got a B. However, I am getting my prof to scan me a copy of my final because he claimed I got 68/125 and that curved up to 77% and I just don't believe that. So I'm gonna take a peek. Who knows, my gpa may rise from the dead! I'm sorry if I sound weird but I've had a 4.0 throughout my entire college time. So that number has been with me three long years. Now my gpa is 3.92, which isn't bad and if I work my ass off I can still get like a 3.97 or something for graduation and be summa cum laude. That is like the ultimate goal for me!! I wanna be the best!
Anyway, I'm rambling. I am going out today, to buy more water, some more cinnamon, more lemon juice, and some sparkling water!
Red: haha, you never know, you might overtake me soon! Idk what it is with my stomach, it wants me to fast or something! Everyday I wake up I wonder if I lost anything because I just don't feel hungry! You're pretty strong yourself cause you're doing it with me!!! ^_^
Ana banana: I will definitely keep it up my dear!!!!<3
Off to troop through day 3!
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Day 2 and I feel Brand New!

I am so super happy today. I am 215.6 lbs!!!!!! I lost 3.2 lbs in a freaking day!!!! Omg woot!
So here's what I did yesterday:
Took 2 acetyl l-carnitine tablets (powdered kind, emptied into my water)
1 kelp pill (also powdered kind, emptied into water)
Lemon water
Sparkling lemon water
Cinnamon tea with lemon (omg this tastes so super good. Like a cinnamony lemonade, sweet and nice but with zero cals!)
Bazooka joe bubble gum (I chewed it but I didn't swallow anything!!! Yay!)
So that was day one. I also did thirty minutes of jogging and thirty minutes of walking. It was pretty easy, I was just kinda bored because I had nothing to do but I can deal with bored. I wasn't hungry at all, I heard my stomach growl a bit but none of that twisting and contracting business. I told my parents about my fast and they're all supportive. In fact, my dad has fasting envy. He wants to do one but the meds he takes require him to eat, so he's a tad unhappy right now! But he is taking me to buy some sparkling water, some lemon juice. And I'll narc some more cinnamon bark offa him. Haha. I can't believe how exciting this is! I guess since I wasn't eating crap before hand, only like natural stuff pretty much, the detox symptoms aren't hitting me too tough.
You know I made my dad eggs with mushrooms yesterday? And I toasted waffles?? Yep, I did and I was like hmmm, I don't think so! Nothing crossed these lips. My parents bought some OJ but I didn't drink any!! Yay! Even though it was a lovely and vibrant orange color, lol.
Ana Banana: oooh, I've always wanted a cheering section!!!!! I feel super motivated now!!!! <3
C: I'm totally cheering for your fast and I hope you do awesome! The stuff I did yesterday is pretty much what I'm living on right now, so if you want you can do that. The website has amazing motivation and information! Good luck!!!! ^_^
Off to complete day two and troop to day three, it's already 1pm so I am more than halfway through!!
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Monday, May 10, 2010


Hello hello my loves!
So mother's day is over, I hope you guys gave your mom's the world!!!!! Yesterday's food wasn't like awful, mostly because we wound up NOT going to the buffet!! Wooooooooo!!!! But I made my mom bfast (eggs, waffles, and salmon cakes) and lunch (two more waffles) and dinner (portabella mushroom stuffed with crab) and dessert (piece of cake). So not bad as the waffles were eggo sized and everything else, with the exception of the cake, was protein. So yay.
But today starts something totally awesome: seven day water fast! Yes, I said seven day. I was talking to red and she said she was doing a seven day and I said why the heck not?!? I mean ketosis happens after day three, and I was gonna wake up to day four anyway, and I really wanna do a long fast but I'm trying to psych myself into saying, oh seven days is not that long! And then pull the bait and switch and keep going! Hahaha, so awesomely evil. I mean, idk if it's going to work but I'm gonna try. Besides, if it doesn't I'm just switching to the liquids any way.
So here are the stats to start:
May 10, 2010:
SW: 218.8 lbs
GW (for May 17): 198 lbs
Okay so fear not about the weight my dears, aunt flo is in town. But she'll be gone on...saturday. So my weight should absolutely plummet with this. I read on a website ana banana told me about ( ) that, on average, people can lose twenty pounds on a seven day fast. TWENTY POUNDS. Do you know what I would do to get rid of twenty pounds in a week??? So this sounds like a very good deal. So if you guys wanna join in with red and me come on! And if you wanna do a liquid fast instead, come on!!! We aren't prejudiced, we all just wanna be thin.
Violet Summer Chic: omg thankyou!!!! Just you wait, the show has only just begun!<3
Ana Banana: oooh, you'd better! Lol, your plan sounds good, I've seen what your "reasonable dinners" are, so I think I have my competition cut out for me! Yeah, the breaks in the plan will not stop the plan!<3
Charlie: omgosh I missed you too!!!!! You are so sweet and I adore you. Yeah, left to our own devices we aren't that awesome, but together we're amazing!!! <3<3
Red: haha, I am a planoholic!!! Seriously I was reading some of my old posts and it was just plansplansplans and programs, lol. We're totally gonna get through this fast!!!!!!<3
Off to drink some lovely water! (Twentypoundstwentypoundstwentypounds!)
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Friday, May 7, 2010

Your Love Is My Drug

Hey guys!!
Oh man it feels soooo good to be back! Finals are over and I am hoping for all A's!
The end of my semester was much like the end of ugly betty...kinda lowkey for all the drama that went on this semester! The last person I talked to on campus was SC...let's see what happens next semester with that one!
Food wise... God I need you guys like oxygen. You keep me from doing horrible things to myself! With the exception of yesterday (because I refused to do it) I purged EVERY SINGLE DAY from sunday through wednesday. It was so sad. They weren't even binges it was just I was super stressed and I felt too full and suddenly it was up and out. I was thinking about my exams...looking good to give everyone a great last impression...fitting into those pants...being good while on my blog vacay. Meh, but I tell you what, something amazing is brewing up my dears!
My summer long liquid fast starts monday, kicking off with a three day water fast. You know to purify and cleanse and make me appreciate being able to have liquids with taste! Lol.
The Rules:
For water fast: lemon water, sparkling, and regular water are acceptable.
For liquid: real liquids only. No smoothies, or anything with a solid component. Aim for bfast, lunch, dinner, and two "snacks" format. This way I won't be drinking juices or whatever when I'm thirsty instead of only for meals. I'm aiming for 500cals a day, which means drinking mostly veggie juices, and diluting fruit juices. The max is 800cals. And I have to exercise EVERYDAY in some form. At least thirty minutes. I can elliptical, jog, strength train, or breakdance (woo!). I mean, I guess walking counts too but I'll call that extra credit.
I was going to start the whole kidankaboodle today, and have the water fast over by monday morning and glide into my liquid fast, but my dad said it would be effed up to do that this weekend with mother's day and all. So I guess I have to eat this weekend. But I make a pledge that I will not binge and I won't purge anything that I eat this weekend. Because if I can't get rid of it during a may to august liquid fast I'll have to be dead. Also, the only breaks in the fast will be father's day (maybe, this is not a guarantee)...I don't think I have anything else where I'd have to eat food...except that bbq my friend is planning. But I don't eat meat anyway and he's taking forever to plan it so I might just blink on it all together! I know what you're thinking, what are your motivations scarlet? How will you make it through approx. 90 DAYS!?!
Well, my bro and his wife are coming in around late june. I hate his wife and I want to look a zillion times better than the last time she saw me. Um, C (aka guy from orgo)is coming back from ireland for the fall semester, so yeah major changes must be made. Also SC is not dropping off the map because I'm not in physics with him! Chances are I'm going to see him (read say let's meet up!) Next semester so again, must look totally hot. Also, if I don't lose all the weight this summer when I have basically nothing to do, I might actually see my eighteenth birthday still fat. That absolutely cannot happen at all!!!!!!! Must push on!!!!
WannaBskinny: I drink carrot juice that my mom juices for me. She also juices cucumber and celery. So all that is fresh, but fruit juices are normally store bought. As for how much I get back from the stuff I depends. Cucumbers give TONS of juice and so does celery. Carrots are pretty good too, just get the big juicing carrots (they're huge!) And you'll be fine. Do you have a juicer? Also about adding you on MSN, do you mean like an email circle? You can always hit me up
I check my email a million times a day so if you email me you are highly likely to get an email back in record time! Lol :)
Ana Banana: ooh deff race you to size 12! Starting now!
Eva: so the monday post mother's day? Or the monday after that? Either way it'll be so exciting to do it together! :)
Ariadne, heather B, ariana, charlie, lyndee (omg you're back!), red, skinnybusiness (haha, *smiles*), and mina belle (we'll get to 12 together too!) Thank you guys so much for your totally sweet comments!!! Wow, coming back to so much love wiped my week's slate clean! <3<3<3 (times a zillion!)
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Saturday, May 1, 2010


I got some balls and tried on the pants. They fit. Barely, but they fit. So I guess I am a 14 eh? Hahahahaha, I love it when I win. New accomplishment!
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I can't believe this

My mother is such a bitch. She's skinnier than me, but I normally don't have a big problem with it. She bought a bunch of cloths and was modeling them. She tried on some 14s and they fit snug (she thinks she's a 12) they were from banana republic so they're pretty true to size. She was trying to say they were a "european cut". Then my dad is all "well then you should be able to fit them then scarlet". Then I say "oh well I said I'm a 15, not a 14" and then my mom says "there's no such thing as a 15, you're either a 14 or a 16, so which one are you?" They are assholes. That is all. But I tell ya something, I am gonna be a bony goddess. And they will eat shit. Who's gonna run this town tonight? Me Biatch.
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Pardon The Interruption

Hey guys! Sooo, nothing too eventful going on around here. I'm still liquid fasting, but I am going on a short hiatus for uni finals. So until like friday I won't be posting. I'll try to keep up with you guys' blogs as much as possible, but if you don't see me in the comment stream please don't get upset! So as you know I am going to be eating healthily (which just means eating fruits veggies etc) to keep my strength up for finals. Post finals there will be some water fasting right before mother's day, but I'll tell you more about that when I come back.
Ana Banana: yeah, I am deff not in the position to do anything like that, but idk, it was just something that happened, but it won't be happening again. I will be that beacon in the harbor for him. It's just that whenever I act high and mighty he brings up every not perfect thing I have eaten in the past, which is kinda a ridiculous thing to do but it cuts me down a few pegs because I am a spaz about food (obviously). But if I am perfect for a long enough amount of time, I can be high and mighty and he can't say anything to bring me down. It'll be like "oh, eating that pizza again?" "Don't act so above I remember when you did blah blah blah, you're still a tribal member" ( the tribal member thing came from this comment rosie o'donnell made about star jones once) and then I'll say "I haven't eaten solids in two weeks so sorry, you're on your own." Booyah!
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