I'm not as happy today as I was yesterday. My weight is 212.8, which is my low weight, and yeah I'm happy about it, but it could've been lower if I hadn't let my brain get in the way of my goals. Yesterday I was doing awesome, I had just gotten gum and seltzer water. Then when we came home and my mom had left for work, my dad spent all this time talking about how he wants a divorce with my mom because she's "mean, and treats him badly" and there's a ton of other stuff I can't tell you guys about. I talked him down but it took a lot outta me. And I just needed something to fill in the cracks... So I decided on a chew and spit session that turned into a chew and swallow, which turned into a purge. It was just two pieces of bread and an apple but still. Then I jogged for an hour instead of for just thirty minutes. I think I made up for the slip, so I am still counting days on the fast. I think my body is holding on to the water because of the purge, but I'm okay. Food is not the cure all. Fuck food. Look what it did, even after I purged it and exercised it away!!! I will show my body who's boss. I'm already at my low weight and I'm not stopping, I am going to pound down those numbers till I see 195 (my "safe zone") then I'm gonna switch to a liquid fast until I am satisfied. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have everything right beyond my fingertips. I have to push for it. As my parents have always told me: everything that's out there now will still be out there when you finish this that and the other. Every food will still be out there when I finish this. I'm not missing anything. If I sacrifice for two months I can get everything I want. I want it. I want it now!
Ana Banana: omg babe I want that feeling so badly!!!!!! I am pushing towards the mark! And yeah the people in pro-ana land are honest and non-judgemental! Woot!<3
Victoria Crimson: aww, thanks! Haha, yes I want it more than anything right now, I wanna see a number that does not start with 2!!!<3
Jenny: hey babe I didn't see your comment on my other post before I posted my last post!!! It's funny I posted one minute after you commented!!!! I'm so glad to make you proud though!!<3
Off to take over the world!
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