Thursday, December 31, 2009


I think I finally understand why I have been overweight most of my life. I get bored. The newness rubs off and the motivation lags. I want microwave type results but I'm always in the slow cooker. I did do my fast, but I was thinking to myself the whole time "I do not want this to happen five times out of the week." I know I would be skinny and all, but I was born with a rebellious streak. I get good grades because people at my age shouldn't be able to handle the level of work that I do. I go against convention A LOT. In most everything I do. Not intentionally, it just happens. Most of the time it works out for me. But this is besides the point. For most of my life I have allowed myself to get bored with the new shiny "diet" and fall into old habits. Because I refuse to accept the fact that I'm bored. So I accept it, I'm bored with Hopscotch after a week. So pitiful I know but I have a new idea for 2010: there are no plans. I will fly by the seat of my ass and hope that these smarts of mine aid me beyond school. I will still starve per se, but I'll do it without my knowledge if that makes any sense. Nothing is off limits food wise, so it's not the question of can I have this, it's do I even want this shit? For example, say I'm in a restaurant and I see something totally fattening and delicious sounding. I could eat it, but why? What does it do for me? It's a balance of pros and cons. Cons: it's fattening, it will make me feel guilty, I am not guaranteed to be able to work it off in exercise, it will most likely lead to other bad food choices which in turn will make me fat. Hmmm...ok. Pros: it tastes good and will make me happy (maybe, remember the guilt complex) for the time that I am eating it. So add it up: five cons to two pros. I don't eat it. Now say I want a salad such as my beloved pecan and feta. Cons: feta is cheese and therefore fattening, pecans are fattening, the dressing may be fattening. Pros: the pecans and the feta together are about the size of the palm of my hands, I won't feel guilty eating it, only a two tbsp container of dressing is included, it has lots of greens to give me nutrients. Add it up: three cons to four pros. I eat. With this check and balance system I can fight things. If at the end of the pro con war I STILL want it, maybe I can have a little, but I doubt after thinking about how guilty I'll feel after eating it, I'll feel guilty even considering it. So I'll eat everyday in small meals. I'll still count calories to keep myself in check and I'll buy a new freaking scale. I have a deadline. I need to have made amazing progress by august. I need to be like 140 or 130. I had 112 pounds to lose since buying my scale and I want most of them gone by the time august comes. I have that goal for a few reasons: I want to be thin (duh!), that's the one year anniversary of me buying my scale (even if it's complete shit now, it wasn't then), and that guy I liked from my orgo class? He's going to be in Ireland for the spring semester, but he'll be back and most likely in one of my classes in the fall and I wanna be smokin' hot. I want a fucking double take. Also, I turn eighteen in the fall which will officially take me off the "jail bait" list (can you say open season??) AND all the new freshmen come in the fall. You know why they call them freshmen? Because they are FRESH MEN. New guys. New hot guys MY AGE! Eeeeeeek!!! And for a girl who's never had a date, that is big stuff to be gorgeous and thin and around a bunch of guys who never saw me fat. Heaven.
So this is MISSION 2010. I am Jamie Bond and you guys are my sector MI6. Do you accept the challenge?
Scarlet <3
PS: Happy New Year!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Unwanted Visitors

So the monthly unwanted visitor came in town today so I have stopped weighing myself. Hopefull I can drop ten pounds and be pleasantly surprised when I weigh again. Maybe I'll have my new scale.
Anyway, I am fasting today (liquids only, low cal as possible). It's harder, idk why, I think I need to start to prepare in the morning because I wake up and the first thought is that it's just another day, and then I rememeber it's a fasting day. I think the first days are the hardest to make it through, especially when I still have to cook for other people. Go figure, no one seems to be able to cook in this house.
So I am doing well, no cheating! Only one snag in my plan though, my friend's bday is on friday so after this fast is over I'm going to have to eat two days instead of just one. Oh well, I'm pretty good at restriction.
Now to answer a question I got about the Hopscotch plan:
How the hopscotch works is that you follow a continual pattern of liquid fasting two days and then restricting one day, over and over again. I figured that long-term fasts are set ups for binging, so short fasts with a small break inbetween should work out well. You count cals always and try to stay pretty low during the fasting, around maybe 800 cals tops. You should lose about two pounds a day when fasting, and you fast 5 days a week, so ten pounds a week. Assuming maybe 3-4 pound rebounds from the food days (this is a high estimate. You may maintain or even lose during the food days. I don't know how other's metabolisms work so I picked a high number), so you will lose AT LEAST six pounds a week and probably a max of twelve or something like that. I hope this helped to clairify everything.
Okay, off to keep fasting!


Hey guys! I know I said I would update in the morning and now it is like 2am on the next day!!!! Gaaah, so very bad for my blogging! Anyway, I was (surprisingly) 224.5 today, but I changed my mind about my scale, I'm still getting a new one. This one acts like it's PMSing 24/7. So I restricted today kind of. I didn't refuse any food but there is nothing in my house all that fat inducing. I had some eggs this afternoon (I don't wake up early during vacay- it's just a fact) and then I had dinner at like seven or eight pm. That was dim sum buns with curried seafood. It was delish and I didn't feel guilty afterwards because I knew that at midnight funtime would be over and the new plan would begin!
I call my plan hopscotch. It's similar to my previous checkerboard plan but smarter. On the checkerboard I might have binged on the days that I had to eat and never lose any weight. Yeah I may have lost two pounds on the fast, but I was almost guaranteed to put them on the next day. In this plan, I fast for two days, eat one day and so on. I'll lose 5-7 pounds during the fasting and gain back maybe one or two (you never know). So let's see, about 6-10 pounds a week. That sounds soooo good. And doable. I'm starting tomorrow so let's see how it goes!
Scarlet <3

Sunday, December 27, 2009


Hey guys,
So I made it through the second day but it was insanely hard. I had 440 cals today in the form of a smoothie, and I was 226.5 today!!! Woo! However, I am not sure if I'll continue the fast. I was peering into the freezer today, correction SEARCHING, for this bag of hershey's kisses. I thought if I had a few I would be able to survive. Good thing though, it turns out my mom threw them out. She said it was crappy chocolate. So I made it through the day. But I feel so idk, lost. I wanted to go at least until the third fast day, and feel really accomplished, but I just I feel so strange. I ran outta coffee, my magical appetite supressant. I don't want to quit, not only because if I don't make it I'll feel like I let you guys down, and I'll get those looks from my parents. You know the ones: I told you not to do this psycho crap and you didn't even follow through. I am a perfectionist and I aim to please. If I don't "officially" quit the fast outright to them, I would have to go around nibbling on scraps like a mouse (that might actually work). I don't want to lie, I pride myself on NOT having to lie, to prove this life isn't as devious as the media makes it out to be, but idk what to do!! This may be my late night crisis and I'll wake up in the morning ready to fast but I doubt it. I know I restrict well, and I don't want to set myself up for a binge. What do I do girls???? I know I am a weakling, but I beg your forgiveness and ask for guidance.
Scarlet <3
PS: thanx for all the support on my last post. I love you guys!
I did break my fast. So very very sorry to all who were rooting for me. However, I did make it through 50 hours, which is a record for me. I did work out hard before I ate though. My ass is killing me!!! Lol, I hate my butt, I shall punish it for staying around. So monday(today!) will lovely restriction. I'll update weights and such in the morn!
Scarlet <3

On To The New Year

Hey guys!
Hope your Christmases went well and thank you all for your well wishes! I am happy to report three things:
1) I finally got my scale to work!
Yep, I moved it into my bathroom because according to the scale, my bedroom floor wasn't level. So now I get the same number three times in a row (though I do weigh myself backwards because I can never quite stand still, lol).
2) Post Christmas I am 230 lbs. I know what you're thinking: this isn't great news, this awful, you're up 9.5lbs from your low weight! That is true, but, BUT, this means that I am now going to be able to bounce back down quickly and also that over the course of thanksgiving AND christmas, I managed to maintain a 40 lbs loss. I know I'm always griping about how overweight I am and such, but when it comes down to it, I used to be much heavier. 270 lbs. As long as I stay low and maintain most of my losses, I am happy. Besides, gaining 9.5 is a drop in the bucket compared to losing 40.
3) I fasted today :)))
Honestly, I actually fasted today. I had 270 cals in coffee and then only water. I am soooo proud. This is the first time I've ever made it through a fast w/o a c&s or a couple of spoonfuls of SOMETHING. But not today my loves, I made my dad a delicious bfast, and watched him and my mom eat lunch and dinner. My trick? I realized that I never like being left out of things. I'm highly competitive and I don't like seeing others get things that I don't. So food was just another one of those things. I had my parents set aside my last piece of carrot cake and my shrimp buns and my piece of quiche. I said I can eat it on new year's day if I want. Who knows, the quiche might spoil, the cake might get hard in the fridge and maybe I won't wind up eating it, but knowing IT'S MINE and no one will touch it and I'm not missing out on anything puts me at ease. So day one of my six day fast is complete and successful. Let's pray tomorrow goes just as well. Wish me luck!
Scarlet <3

Friday, December 25, 2009

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!!!

Hello Skinnies!
Hope you guys have a very merry Christmas and enjoy yourselves. Unlike the mass anxiety I had about thanksgiving, Christmas is the time of year when I throw cares to the wind, have fun, and plan my new year's resolutions. So have fun my skinnies!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Restricted Access

Hey guys!
Yes I know, too many hiatuses. Idk, I used to blog all the time but I got sick of it being a rollercoaster. However, I have become master of my domain. I'm 225.5 today after gaining a shitload of water weight for no good reason. I'm guessing aunt flo is coming to town soon, but hasn't shown up yet, and it is driving me CRAZY!!!(Sorry if that's tmi you guys).
In other news my scale is completely wonky. I was on it like four days ago and I jilted it the wrong way and it cracked. Nothing visible (I checked) so I thought it was fine, but ever since then it has been giving me horrible readings. I weighed 230 with clothes but I'm 231.5 without?? (That was last nite) so this morning 225.5 came up 2 out of 4 times so I decided to count my blessings and take it.
I am out to buy a new scale, so if you guys know of any good ones from chain stores let me know. I was thinking about the weight watchers body fat scale or the health o meter body fat scale. I have read good reviews about accuracy about those so let me know. I am hoping that my scale is highly inaccurate and I weigh something much much less! *crosses fingers* oh another thing is that I can't spend that much cash so let's keep it under $50 please?
I am kinda bored over here. All of my friends are gone and my mom has been working lately so the fam hasn't been completely toghether. Also, my brother, his wife, and their four kids (yes FOUR) are estranged. I have never met my bro's wife or their kids. Our whole relationship has been restricted to phone calls. Sad, I know.
I was supposed to be fasting today with sorry_i_can't_be_perfect, but I get dangerous when I fast and there is nothing but once a year type food lying around. So it's easier for me to restrict as I have finally realized it's not only about eating less, but also what you eat. I've had a pecan and feta salad and a couple of ladyfinger like cookies. I am pretty happy, the salad wasn't big and it took forever to eat. So I am saited. I think I'll restrict until after christmas and then do a six day fast to be clean and pink inside for the new year and then decide what to do from there. I want to be 180 for January 11, when my semester starts, which I doubt will happen, but I wanna get as close as possible. At least under 200. We'll see.
Okay, no more hiatuses and hello to new followers!
Scarlet <3

Monday, December 14, 2009

Hi, Hi, Hiatus!!

Hey y'all!
so i know that i have been MIA for a while, but i'm back with great news! For one, i have a new low weight of 220.5, which i reached yesterday, but i had a lot of coffee on saturday, so i may have been dehydrated. so yesterday i drank lots of water and such and i bounced up to 222. so i have officially lost 20 lbs since i bought my scale in august!!!!! WOOT! I'm on an epic restriction phase rite now so i'm only going to go lower. I liquid fast (mostly) during the day and then have some soup at nite (all pureed soups, so kinda liquid). so who knows, i may be 219 tomorrow or something!
In other news, my semester is OVER!!!! Yea!!!! two of my final grades are in and they are As so i am still waiting on the other two. so i am very happy and relaxed and losing weight. i think i wasn't able to lose weight quickly during the semester because i was so stressed out. so now i plan to aim to  be under 200 for christmas. i think if i really try, i can get very very close.
Okay guys, Be Skinny!
Scarlet <3

Monday, December 7, 2009


Hey Y'all,
so i did a liquid fast yesterday with sorry_i_can't_be_perfect, and it went well, but i only lost 1.5 lbs. that was heartbreaking, but it's something. i refuse to say forget it and binge or something, because that won't do me any good, in fact i think it would highly depress me. so i am restricting to the best of my ability today, which for me means almost fast and break for little things. :)
I plan to do this all week, which means i should be able to knock off at least 1.5lbs per day which at the end of the week will look amazing. who knows, with the exercise i may be able to lose more. I WILL BE 218 BY SATURDAY. that is the goal, the promise. I will not fail.
in other news, i am starting uni finals tomorrow! So i will be busy and won't even have TIME to eat.
just wanted to give you guys an update! hope you all are doing well and getting skinny!
Scarlet <3
PS: I got this next part from Rasha Ana on facebook. She sent it in a message and i like it. :)


Ur not gonna ask anymore: wuts the secret !!! why those gurls r so skinny??? !!!



Can u hold a treasure's map without MOVING ON to get it If u knew that it has 40 million bux ??!!!!





They WILL let u down or lie to u & take the map instead...! some will tell u:

this treasure is only in ur head..or steal the map 4m u & search 4 it !! after they made u hopeless...!




Imagine that ur dream came true !!!! and u became skinny !!!

how ur life gonna change ????!

how many ppl that were ignoring u became suddenly friendly & attracted to u ????!

how's ur feeling in ur clothes????

isn't it an amazing feeling ????

ur feeling so pretty, skinny & pure!!!!!!!!





that's the secret..!










hahaha, love that. good luck girls!

Saturday, December 5, 2009


Hello skinny people!
So, my crazy cheapskate aunt cancelled at 9:30am, only two and a half hours before my doom. Ooh, this sounds a bit like that vincent price part of thriller. The funk of forty thousand pounds... Are closing in to seal your doom. I think I'm going to find the real lyrics and then edit them, lol.
The only bad thing is that I don't get see my younger cousin, but thinking back she probably wasn't going to bring him anyway, seeing that he just had surgery. So, good times.
Scary though, my dad STILL wanted to go to the buffet even without my aunt. Thank God my mom teamed with me. I mean we're still probably going to go to a restaurant, but I have more control, it's not going to be a buffet.
I'm 227.5 today, the weight is falling so more late night eating. If I make it past 7:30 at night without letting a morsel pass my lips I am just going to stick it out and fast.
Thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind as I am SURE that somebody will pop-up and the buffet will scare me again. I'm glad that I had you thinking of your cousin, I hope you get to see them soon!
Okay guys, I am off to field the outside world!
Scarlet <3

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Fast, fast, fast!!!!

Okay so i found out yesterday in the middle of my fast that my aunt is coming into town for her birthday and the day after her birthday my fam and i are going out to lunch with her guessed it, the dreaded buffet. so i decided to eat yesterday and basically get rid of all of "my" edible food out of the house. I didn't gain anything, though i did miss eating an apple that i have yesterday, but i'll just eat it saturday morning to get my metabolism moving before the buffet.
And yes, i have a plan for the buffet, because i can't live without a plan. so the plan is the fast that i'm on, then go to buffet and eat absolutely no starches (ok, probably some dessert) but mostly any veggie (oh god they're all in oil, but it's probably my best choice, or a stirfry!!! just got the stirfry idea while typing, you would laugh if you could see my face of enlightenment, lol), and nothing fried. only regular fish. i can get two plates of food, but i will milk those and try to leave a 1/4 of each on my plate (they take them away!!!). the stirfry will take a while to cook so no one will focus on my food. my parents don't care if i don't eat that much since my aunt is paying (long story, but basically she's owed us a meal for like three years and has avoided us as far as going out because of it), and she's like SUPER FAT (all in love and honesty) and will probably be too busy stuffing her face to pay attention to me. the only wild card is if she brings my cousins (one is my age and the other is ten). my younger cousin ADORES me. like seriously, sometimes i wonder if he has a crush on me. but anyway, he's a sweetheart and he would notice if i didn't eat food, so if he's there i will have to probably finish my plates, or MAYBE i can pawn them off to him??? idk, that sounds mean. he just had hip surgery (his bone was portruding) and he's just my favorite cousin. i wish i could adopt him, he's that sweet.
we shall see. Also, i got my polisci term paper back, 98%!!!!!!! YES! and i got my orgo exam back, 94%!!!!! YES!!!! i didn't think i'd done all that well on the orgo but i did!!!! EEEEEEEEE!!!!! i hope my squeals didn't hurt your eyes, lol. so i think i'm going to friend the guy that i have a crush on in  my orgo class on facebook. he's going to ireland next semester, but he'll be back in the fall, and chances are we'll be in the same physical chem II course. i want to be skinny by the time he sees me again. so keeping in touch is the best thing to do. :)
Hello New Follower!! Welcome to the blog!
Nikki: Well, my parents ARE on a lose weight/ health kick, BUT, they like eating stuff they deem healthy. idk if it really is or not, but sometimes i won't let it cross my lips. and then i can't say oh buy me all this stuff that i can eat and don't touch it. it doesn't work that way. also i may try to get my dad to buy some apples in bulk (like a big case of 60). i know he'll do that, but as far as a variety of fruits, we like to shop at Whole Foods, which we have affectionately nicknamed "Whole Pocket". so it's not that we don't want to buy it, it's just that one apple is like three dollars. we'd go to regular stores to get our fruit but we're always paranoid about pesticides, steroids, and also the fact that stores wax fruit so it'll look shiny and you'll want to buy it. so, i'll figure something out.

Scarlet <3

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Crappy Chinese Food

Okay, we all know that diet wise, chinese food is normally really, really bad. I wound up eating two ADDITIONAL cans of fruit yesterday and this alfalfa sprout salad i whipped up. i was kind of happy, but then my dad and i went to go pick up my mom and everything went to shit. i had been ravenous all day, so when my mom was all like "oh i have a headache" blah, blah, blah. so she wants food. fine. we go to the grocery store and we buy some mushrooms and some thin buns (it's soooo cool, only 100 cal for top and bottom bread) and some granola in the intent of going home and making sauteed mushroom and alfalfa sandwiches. i would have been fine with this, i mean i was hungry (i had been strangely ravenous all day, idk why), but by the time i got home, it would've been late and sleep would've been a flight of stairs away. i probably wouldn't have eaten anything. but then my mom decides home isn't fast enough. so we go to a restaurant. uggggghhhhhh!!!!! i ordered 4 eggrolls, as did my mom, and my dad ordered shrimp over rice and a plate of fried wontons. alrighty then. i pawned off two eggrolls and ate four wontons. i didn't mean to eat that many, but i felt stupid sitting up there and my dad kept saying how he wasn't going to eat all of the wontons. unfortunately my hands were faster than my brain. anyway, i maintained/gained today/. idk, i either gained a pound or maintained 228, my scale was fucking with me. so i decided to water/coffee fast today. i have lots of studying to do with finals coming up next week, so maybe i can just huddle in my room and hide. we'll see.
in other news, i forgot to tell you guys, my mom weighed herself yesterday. last time she weighed i believe she was 175 (i kno, she's wayyyy lighter than me, but not skinnier, go figure), and now she's 181. yep, she gained 6 pounds. she fucking freaked. i kind you not she's all, i have to cut out massamun curry, and rice, and yeah i have to take a laxi tea, blah, blah, blah. so since i bought my scale she has lost three pounds and i have lost 13 or 14. yeah. she's so aggressive too, she thinks i'm happy she gained weight. i'm not honestly, though i did think her ego was starting to grow to the size of texas. i think it was planning to declare independance and become it's own country soon, lol. but yeah i'm only happy when i  lose weight, i don't get joy from seeing ppl i love get fat. people i don't like, well that's another issue, hahahaha.
Yes, this water fast is in an efforet to teach myself control again. because i have rules to follow and goals to meet. i sound so determined don't i? sure i do, and i just need to FOLLOW THROUGH!
Also, Nikki, thanks for the tip about the fruit cals. I would love to buy more fresh fruit, but it's a little out of my budget. my parents don't particularly support my "habits". my dad isn't going to buy all this special food just for me, but i think i will try to pick some that aren't in syrup, even if it is light. i mean for a dollar i can geet pineapples in their own juice so maybe that would be a better choice.
Okay, i guess i'm on too early for most of you guys, so i don't have any blogs to read rite now, but i'll check later. who knows, i might even update.
Peace, Love, and Skinny!
Scarlet <3
P.S. the Victoria's Secret show was okay, i didn't get all that thinspired. i wish they'd put Chanel Iman on the runway more, she's so thin! she's like my thinspo idol btw, i don't know if i'll look like that at 130, but if i think i can i know i'm way more likely to work for it. :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Striving For Greatness

Hey guys,
So I am 228 today, and i am doing really, really well so far. i'm not really craving any "real" food, but i do want more fruit, lol. i may allow myself that luxury, MAYBE. i'm not sure though. i'm going to get my free thinspo today in the form of the victoria secret fashion show!!! woooo!!!!
Now a can of fruit is 240cals. mangoes are 330cals. so if i ate another fruit cocktail i would be at 480cals, which is really good. i haven't had many liquids, a 200cal lipton green tea and what i'm calling a 100cal coffee. sooo 780 cal total?? it sounds okay, not as good as 540cals, but much better than 1000cal. hmmm...idk. if i'm really hungry i'll do it.
in other news i am studying for my finals (next week!!!eeeeeepppppp!!!!). a kind of funny story:
i thought my polisci class was cancelled today because my teacher had said it was about two weeks ago because she was going to haiti to do some field work. so i came to school thirty mins past class time (my mom had to be driven to work and i would've never made it back in time for my next class) and out of morbid curiousity i pass  the classroom, and there is CLASSSSS!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! you don't know what this does to me, i am a goody two shoes. i think in the past three years i have only missed class three times (and i had to be practically too sick to move and i still studied in bed), and am almost never late, so this, this was horrible for me. i just pretended like it didn't bother me, but i'm thinking "Damn, what did i miss????" LOL, go ahead and laugh, you know you want to. i don't mind.
so i am off to be skinny and i hope y'all join in!
Scarlet <3

Monday, November 30, 2009

You Can Have It All...

Anything you want you can make it yours, anything you want in the world, anything you want in the world...
Give It Up To Me by Shakira

Honestly, she couldn't be more right. I'm back from my short hiatus, I wanted to say I really did something before I came back.
My thanksgiving was a tad unpleasant. I ate a lot, but that was expected. No, what went wrong was when I was about to go to sleep, I felt hella guilty and chugged 24 oz of straight black coffee, popped some laxies (god the stash is dwindling) and went to bed. I have to pee about two hours later so I get up and go to the bathroom. I feel queasy. Wind up topping off my night by tossing my thanksgiving dinner in the toilet in a most unconventional way. I don't think I'll EVER contemplate purging again. I swear the thought won't dare to cross my mind.
The overall damage for thanksgiving was 4.5lbs, putting me at a scary 234.5 so I liquid fasted on saturday and sunday and today. I was 229 this morning. I can't fast tomorrow, I'm at school too late, so I am starting a new plan!! And don't we all love new plans!
The one day one can diet:
Bfast: half of a can of whatever you like(I'm doing fruit)
Lunch: ummm coffee or something? Juice?
Dinner: other half of the can
So it's a liquid fast with a TINY bit of wiggle room so not to go crazy. Then on saturdays and sundays I'm going to attempt water fasts that will most likely turn into liquid fasts which is fine by me. since studying how my body reacts to certain amounts of food, I should lose at least a pound a day m-f, and about two pounds a day on sat and sun. That's at MINIMUM nine pounds a week. I'll probably be around eleven. I can be 195 by christmas if I act nice. Possibly 180 by the time I go back to uni on january 12.
Oh yeah, it's go time.
Scarlet <3

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Well, well, well, if it isn't thanksgiving!

Where have you been for the past year?? Oh yeah, planning my waistline's demise. So tomorrow is thanksgiving. I am not happy as there is a TON of shit in the house, but I planned for it. I completed a 24hr fast (barely) before caving for samples and eventually dinner. I said I couldn't celebrate thanksgiving until AFTER a fast. Secondly, I am only giving myself thursday and friday to eat to contentness, not go crazy, but have fun, and then attempt a 48hr fast for saturday and sunday. It's also that time of the month so my weight is fucked up (thanks SO much), but I'm not too bad.
In other news I got my straight black instant coffee, but it tastes like awful. I mean it. So I bought fancy liquid creamer. Gonna try to limit cals on it and resist drinking the creamer straight (bad, BAD, habit of mine). Okay, so I am off to bed, gotta wake up early to see the Macy's thanksgiving day parade!!
XOXO love bugs and happy thanksgiving!!!
Scarlet <3
P.S.: though I am not 215 or 200 like I wanted, I am thankful I am not 242 or 232, or in the 230s at all. I am thankful my new mindset (to be explained in next post) will only drive me to be thinner. I am thankful the semester is almost over so I can start my 12 day fast and be thin for christmas. These are the things I am thankful for. Remember to count the blessings girls!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Too much of a good BAD

Hey guys!
So here's a mastercard comparison for ya:
Getting what you want: nine laxitives
Getting too much of what you want: priceless.
Yeah so the laxies worked TOO well. Let's just say I am glad I am a resonably fit and athletic person because I was running to the bathroom all day.
On the bright side I was 226 today so that made me very, very happy. Hopefully I'll make 225 tomorrow. I am STILL working on this stupid term paper and don't have a word on the page. I really need to buckle down. Lol.
Summer: I agree, kidney beans ARE nature's laxies, lol.
Mina: don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes.
I hope all of you are well and skinny!
Scarlet <3

Thursday, November 19, 2009

When I'm Smiling, I'm Alive

Hey guys,
so yesterday i had the strangest binge ever: Kidney Beans. I kid you not. I was making dinner for me and my dad so i cracked open a can of beans to cook. Goya  Kidney Beans to be exact. so anyway, i opened it and i tasted a few. then more, and more, until suddenly the whole can was gone. i mean GONE! 630 cals, that dissapeared through my fingers. yowza. then i ate dinner, and went to go pick up my mom, etc, etc. no more food for the night. oh btw, i took some laxies at 7pm and when i woke up this morning the same weight stared up at me: 227.5 i have to admit i am a little happy that i didn't gain. i ate light today, almost a 24 hour fast, about 21hrs. i ate at 4:30pm. i ate two oranges and a 126cals "wife cake" i gave away the other one. then i went to whole foods and had a light dinner. i feel good. hope i get to 226 tomorrow. please, please! i've been doing well lately, and now i am almost at finals week and after that i can relax and starve as much as i want. sleep all day from famine and no one will care. well, they will, but i just won't be around.
well, i will update you guys tomorrow and hello to new followers, welcome to the blog, and feel free to share suggestions or ideas!!!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

If I Could Turn Back Time...

Hey Guys,
so i am back down to 227.5, plan to lose more today. i am sick of this number. you know i've been thinking lately about all the chances i've had to change and be the girl i always wanted to be, even the so called healthy way. I've had at least a good three or four years where i could've done something. anything, and be skinny by now. you know i've NEVER been asked out on a date and i've been eligible since i turned 16. that's highly depressing, and i just wish i could turn back time and slap myself multiple times.
I mean, not for being fat or anything because that can happen to anyone, but the not caring part. the laziness, the lack of effort. I always said oh, well as long as i go to church, be mannerable, get straight A's an be personable i'm fine, that's good enough. it's not good enough. it's a far cry. i've have chopped my self-esteem down so far by not tending to my weight. i'm uncomfortable around people so most of the time they think i'm antisocial or snobby. the people who do know me adore me, but i need to be more outgoing, but i can't as long as i'm fat, and ppl never want to talk to the fat girl anyway. trust me i kno. for example, at the beginning of this semester the guy who sits next to me in polisci, EK, i tried talking multiple times, but he just engaged only when i engaged and that's it. no see you next class or what's up when he came in. now that i've lost about fifteen pounds, he's much more talkative. not entirely, but a helluava lot more than before. it's amazing how shallow people are.
So I am going to be honest here because it's the best way to be. i wasn't able to fast yesterday because i forgot my dad likes to go out and eat or whatever when he picks me up late from school. so i wound up eating at around six pm. not too bad and i still got the weight off. i had a curry tofu salad so i didn't feel completely awful. i have noticed a pattern about myself  though:
If i aim to eat normal i binge
if i am to restrict i eat normal
if i try to fast (juice or water) i restrict so so well.
it's retarded (no offense to any retarded ppl). so everyday now i set out to do a liquid fast and throw myself into HW until my dad bugs me to make food or buys some for me. if i do this i should lose at least a pound a day (yes big ppl lose that much by just resticting).
 I also have fallen in love with a new concotion i came up with. i have these black soybean milk powder packets (i ran outta coffee and this is the only thing in the house) and they're 80 cals each. i mix  that with 8oz water and 8oz apple juice (120 cals) and it's a....fake protien shake!!! i also sometimes but in fiber. the whole thing comes to 200 cals for 16 oz. so i'm drinking that in the morning. I'm also going to get back to my workouts, i've been so busy lately i haven't had time for them.
BTW, Hi NEW FOLLOWERS!!! I hope you enjoy my blog! and thanks for all the encouragement about my christmas goal!
Scarlet <3

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Fatness?

How do you take a cloud and kill it???
Hey Guys, so i gained two pounds and i am not happy. so i am fasting today and plan to lose it, and watch my step. it was my fault really, i ate TWO meals yesterday and i cracked and attempted to make a weird egg/flour/sugar mix. i only ate half of that though, mostly because my teeth were on edge. see i have two cavaties and the sugar i used was palm sugar, which only comes in like small discus blocks. so i had to chew those up and then spit them out to use them in the batter. let me tell you: NOT ENJOYABLE!!!  I hate that i wasted my weight like that! any way, i am doing well, and am not worried about cracking. i have lots of HW to do today and will not have time for food.
I hope everyone is doing well, quite a lot of ppl have been on the blink lately....BTW does anyone know what happened to Jenny (AKA sorry_i_can't_be_perfect)??? I miss her comments and blog.
Anyway, off to work!!
Scarlet <3

Monday, November 16, 2009

Buy Your Tickets To The Gun Show...

Because i've got some muscles!
Hey Y'all,
the buffet went surprisingly well, i had fun. I was 227.5 on saturday, the day i went to the buffet, 229.5 on sunday, and back to 227.5 again today. it's amazing, last time i went to the buffet i gained 4.5pounds even after laxitives, and i couldn't get rid of it for at least a week. this time i only gained two and got rid of it in a DAY!!! OMG!! Apparently the strength training is working. so i lost 5 pounds this week and i am off to lose five more if i can, which will take me to a new low weight. if i keep this up i could be at 217.5 by thanksgiving. and if i watch my step, under 200 by christmas! Oh i am so excited!!!! I am off to work and such, got a term paper to write!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Am I Living It Right?

I think so. I got my first "Help the eating disordered girl see the error of her ways" comment yesterday on  my "Happy Birthday" posting. I just want to let the commenter know in case they are reading this: I have nothing but love for you and I hope you continue your quest to help.
Here's the comment:
♥nervosa♥ said...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Woop-woop! lol.

Is that $20 your birthday money? cuz if so you should spend it on something nice for yourself! like a new dress :)

well, this is my new blog-
it's my way of spreading the idea of using creative therapies to treat eating disorders.
If you check it out- thank you! and if you like it- follow it!
November 10, 2009 3:11 PM
I almost laughed when I read it because ya, it's a little crazy to go buy laxies with birthday money and y didn't I buy something nice? And then I remembered I'm too fat to buy something nice. I'll buy new cloths when the ones that I have look ridiculously big on me.
I have a bit of a crisis. On saturday I am going to see my cousins and mi aunt, which is great, but at a BUFFET. Arrrrggggh!!!! So I have to lose at least five pounds to be sure that I won't get an unfixable gain. The only way to do this is coffee, starving and laxies. BTW mina, when I get some cash I'll buy the zero cal instant coffee crystals. Can't take sugarfree stuff, equal and things like it make you lose your memory!
Scarlet <3

Monday, November 9, 2009

Back to Basics

Hey Guys!
So my bday went well. I guess i shouldn't say well because i had a huge gain, but well because i had fun. Anyway, in other news i got my laxies. a 90 pack. will i abuse them? Probably. ever since i ran outta laxies it's been hard to keep my weight under control so i am going with what works. these should last me at least 2 months. if they don't i know i have a serious problem and most likely need help.
I got my psych exam back and i got a 92.5 on it so i am very, very happy. gotta chemical engineering exam to take weds, but i have a good feeling about it.
All i've had today so far is a cup of carrot juice and some coffee. oh, i forgot to mention i bought ready made packs of coffee. only 85 cal each and i'm limiting myself to 2 per day. i want the caffeine affects, not the cals. it's pretty strong too. so i am going to keep going without a plan and see what happens. also i was reading an old Shape magazine and it said that when you talk about what you want to do like a fast or something proclaiming how much you're going to do it you're more likely to fail. interesting. so i won't be telling you guys about my plans until i do them. :)
Okay, off to be skinny!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Hey guys,
so today is my birthday!!! I have no idea what i weigh and i don't care. last time i checked i was 226. oh well. I had cake and scallop massmun curry and all the bad things i never have. but i am just going to start eating for need only. like if i have a quiz or an exam i can eat a little something beforehand, but nothing afterwords. and on days when i have nothing to do i eat nothing as mi body doesn't need the energy and i'll workout as much as possible. no plans, no end dates this time. no slip ups. okay i can't guarantee no slip ups but the good will sure as hell outweigh the bad.
I got twenty bucks today and i am truly thinking about buying some laxies. i need them. i really can't deal with teas and i like the consistency of laxies. so i am going to use ten bucks on laxies.
JH wished me a happy birthday on facebook today. hmmm...not sure how to feel about that.
Scarlet SEVENTEEN! <3

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"It's been a long time!"

Those were his first words to me after getting mi attention. After not seeing or talking to me since may, those were his first words. Gee.
I ran into JH today, and to be honest there wasn't any face/voice recognition at first. He's been so far removed from my mind. I actually felt fat, like I wasn't thin enough to see him yet. I was supposed to be under 200 by now, but we all know I'm a far cry from that. I was unintentionally aloof with him, mostly because I didn't want to talk. I felt like crying when I saw him. All of that anger and hurt I smashed down over the past months were bubbling dangerously close to the surface. So I put on a mask, played the game. I always thought he'd rejected (ignored, used, whatever you wanna call it) me because I was so fat. But I've lost so much weight and I still don't feel rite. Everytime I see him it still feels like I'm being rejected all over again.
Where is my gloat moment?? When can I glee in his face that I am thin and beautiful and he can't have me? When will I not have to run to the bathroom to make sure I didn't look like the blob in my outfit? The only way to fix this is to starve. I feel unfit for food, unfit for celebration, unfit for anything really. I'm still not 219 and I really don't think I'm going to get there by my bday. Ugh, saturday why do you come so soon? Gotta go.
Scarlet Disenchanted <3

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Thanks So Very Much....

Hey Y'all!!!!
So i am back down, and i am sitting pretty at 224.5. I am positively euphoric because i am so close to a new low weight and it's only tuesday, which means i won't be able to fuck it up before i get there!!! Precisely the reason why i (attempted) to start my fast on saturday because the screw ups wouldn't be hard to fix. so i am doing well and still starving. i ran outta apple juice today, so this mite turn into a water fast after all. we'll see if my dad will spring for some more juice. we'll see.

I had my polisci presentation today and i smoked it. i had stage presence and affability, i was in control and knowledgable about mi country (i picked japan). it was an amazing feeling.
so i am going to go and work some more and study for mi psych exam that's tomorrow. i can't wait until this semester is over so i can move without having to think about the gazillion things ii have to do!!!
Scarlet <3

Monday, November 2, 2009

Impossible? I'Mposssible!

Hey guys,
so my plan didn't go, well, as planned. My mom countinued her b-day celebration through saturday and sunday. i took a ton on punishment.
Mom went to tasty thai restaurant and had basil seafood and my dad had sweet and sour shrimp while I sipped on a smoothie. Then they proceeded to eat custard and coconut icecream in my face. Lovely.
Fam goes to whole foods where they eat basil feta cheese pizza in front of me while I sip an odwalla protien monster. Then my dad is eating chocolate covered malt balls on top of everything.
Later on my mom makes her version of massamun curry cucumber with rice. Damn it. I LOVE massamun curry. It's what I imagine sex would be like if I ever have it. So I caved and ate some, felt like shit and proceeded to eat three snack cake esque things, like seven small cookies, and about 4 oz of coconut ice cream. Oh I wanted to purge. I even went to the bathroom, but I just sat on top of the toliet and tried to calm myself down while my body traitorously had some of the food start to come up, but I forced it back down. I thankfully only gained a pound so I still have a net loss since starting this fast of one pound.
Sophia, I tried to do the water fast thing but my mom was on me like white on rice to drink juice no matter how much I try to avoid her. Can't have the parents make me just "diet and exercise". Gag.
I did go see This Is It yesterday and it was amazing. I HIGHLY reccomend it.
Okay so I am back to fasting again, no cheating this time! Gotta be 219!!! That's my new goal for mi bday. Though I am sure I will proceed to fuck it up on my bday, I don't care. One day won't make a diff in the grand scale as I go rite back to fasting the day after the bday.
Get thin!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Day one of the checkerboard fast!!!

Hey y'all,
So on the advice of SophiaRuins I am altering my fast. It will be a checkerboard of juice fast one day and then water fast the next. This is good because I will lose even more weight and that is always good. So today I woke up 228.5 so I went down a half a pound from yesterday, so maybe I can be 226 tomorrow (fingers crossed). I haven't had any juice today yet, I will probably wait until my fam and I go grocery shopping. I am going to get the Odwalla Protein Monster drink. 33g of protein!!!! That'll keep my muscle but burn mi fat. Good stuff. So I think I'll go drink some water to get rid of the rest of this water weight and keep getting skinnier! I have another motivation too: my most evil cousin is coming up from texas sometime in november, and I have no idea if I will have to see her, and even if I don't I will deff have to see her for christmas holiday season. In a word, she's a bitch and hates me because I'm prettier and smarter than her even though I'm much fatter. So I am also out to take wind out of her "well at least I'm skinnier than her" sails. So tag that on to the reasons to be skinny wagon. Okay, bye!!!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

I used to be love drunk, but now i'm hungover....

Okay, Okay,
My body hates me. irrevocably, absolutely, HATES me. I haven't been eating much and flo goes away officially tomorrow, but i am still 229. 229, WHY!!!!!! I need this to go away, i feel like i'm battling the same weight over and over again. this is deja vu too because i believe i said the same thing when i was bouncing around like a fucking yo-yo in the 230s. i want to go down to a different  set of 200s without bouncing around. it's irritating and agitating and just INFURIATING!!!! My body clings to water weight like it's going to die or something, so i am starting something new. my birthday is next fucking week and i need to be thin. two weeks after that my cousin is coming to down from LA. (she's even been on a few TV shows and commercials!!!) she hasn't seen me in forever and i don't want to dissapoint. at this same meeting i am going to see my aunt and other cousin, and i haven't seen them in forever even though we don't live far.
So the new, new plan (i think i've said this a million times! LOL):
Juice fast starting tomorrow all the way up to my birthday (saturday) then take a break for my b-day where i will have limited cake (maybe just a brownie or just  a cupcake) and go eat a meal. then right back to juice fasting up to when i see my cousin. so about three weeks of juice fast. let's say i lose a pound a day, that'll be 21pounds. count about six pounds in gain ( not likely but idk, just playing it safe), so that'll be at least 15 pound guaranteed. that will take me down to 214 going from this mornings weight (hopefully i can keep the whole 21 and go to 208). then i'll decide whether or not to continue until christmas. maybe i can get down to 180 by christmas!!!! too optimistic??? idk, tell me what you guys think!!!
Scarlet <3
also any ideas you guys have on getting rid of the water weight (i'm pondering the diuretic), i appreciate and would love to hear! thnks for reading!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Happier Times

Hey Y'all!
So I am much, much happier today. I weighed in at 226.5 so apparently i am losing the water weight. i can't wait to see what i weigh saturday when all the weight should be gone. is 222 too much to ask for?? Tomorrow is my mom's b-day, but we're going to start the celebration tonite with a bit of cake at midnight. uggggghhhhhh!!!!! But it shouldn't affect me that much. if i stop eating at seven i never gain a pound, in fact most of the time i lose weight so i am going to do my best to stick to it.
Oh SophiaRuins! thanks for the tips and i will be sure to try to apply that as much as possible. the stuff about the palm of my hand was just to illustrate to size of the custard, but eating that little of everything (or half as you say) would make my weight go down south much faster.
Okay so i am studying today and working hard. downloading a powerpoint trial rite now so i will be prepared for a presentation i have to do for polisci on tuesday. Gaaah!
Scarlet <3
Edit: For those of you who read this, like s_i_c_b_p (abbreviated!), i wanted to let you know there was a typo. I was 226.5 this morning, not 236.5. Honestly i think i would hurl myself out the nearest window if my weight ever went that high again, but that is beside the point. so i just wanted to point that out and thanks for all the love!
Scarlet <3

Monday, October 26, 2009

Panic! At the disco

Hey y'all,
So I am still here waiting for flo to go away so I can get back to my life. Now I get y sorry_i_can't_be_perfect said not to weigh all week, mostly because it's ghastly terrifying. I'm still restricting. My fam and I went to a thai place yesterday and I planned to just eat half of a veggie and protien base dish with no noodles, but the fact is that I didn't want to eat the other half period, but I hate to waste food. So I decided to share with my mom because she couldn't order an entree because she wanted a heftily priced dessert. So I said I would share my dish with her bit she wanted noodles. Apparently beggars can be choosers. So I got the noodles with tofu and I gave her half the dish and gave my dad some. I wound up also eating one crab ragoon and a tiny piece of thai custard. I'm talking a piece no bigger than the palm of my hand with no much height. So great for that. Also, I am going to take a laxi tea and I just popped I diuretic. I am so weak to the scale, I can't take having it be so cruel to me.
So today's plan is to study for my poliSci midterm (for thursday) and lots of homework today. Also, I got my midterms for orgo and chem engineering and I got A's for both. WOOT!
Okay l8r guys,
Scarlet <3

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Zing, zang,zoom!

Hey y'all,
You know how batman had all those cool sound effects like zing,zang, zoom? Well right now my sound effect is shit, fuck, damn. I've been pretty good as of late, I mean yesterday I had two wraps, some hummus, grapes, and veggies that were not fancily cooked (by that I mean packed with cals). I've been seeing a rise on the scales lately; 224, 225, and today? A grotesque 226.5. And I just found out why: I just got the worst gift ever; aunt flo came to town. Damn I wish I could kill her for fucking up my weight like that. At least it isn't horrible, horrible, it's not like I'm in the 230s again. Well I just wanted to post and let you guys know how I'm doing.
Scarlet <3

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Don't Eat The Apple, Snow White!

Hey Y'all,
so after the pad thai debacle i am at 224. not bad at all! also it could've been worse. my mom works overnight (4p-12a) and so sometimes my dad and i drive her. we always drive her tues and thurs because i have classes, but sometimes it's a nice day and we can't take being in the house and drive her. yesterday was one of those days. when we picked her up she was (of course) hungry. at like midnight. i nearly went into conniptions.  we went to a dominicks and bought: Chocolate covered gourmet caramel apples with nuts. oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, so many calories. I couldn't not get one, but i made myself promise that no "food" would cross my lips until the morning. so i had a ginger beer and watched my mom scarf down the apple with all the seductive chocolate smells making me go dizzy with want. but i resisted. i just read the back of the package: 760cals for the apple and i got damn sober. so this morning i had a pomegranate for bfast and couldn't resist the apple anymore and ate half of it by 1:30pm. not bad. i'm going to have the other half at five when mi dad picks me up, i left it in the car. on purpose though. so i am losing weight and doing well.
in other news, i just got an A for midterms out of my orgo prof. YAY!!!!!!! now if all my profs do that i will be in business!
i'm also working on a paper in mi psych class: pick a public or historical figure you think had a mental disorder and prove it in 4-5  pages double spaced.
I picked kurt cobain and nabbed him with bipolar. he had tons of times he was majorly depressed (he commited suicide) and he had times when he'd go manic and decide he needed change and what he was doing wasn't getting it (before said suicide he wanted to break up with Nirvana and do a record with the lead of R.E.M.). so yeah, just gotta go by DSM-IV spects and i should do well.
okay girls, go get thin!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Can You Pinch An Inch?

Hey guys!
Yes i kno i blinked out, but i was having some major issues and i hate telling you guys when i screw up because it makes me feel like more of a failure. I already badger myself everytime i see a nice sized average girl (not the skinny i want, but smaller than me at the moment) and i think, you could've been that, normal, you didn't have to let yourself get like this. and then when i gain or screw up i'm just like, look how weak you are you cow. harsh, i kno, but it's the only way i can deal with myself. my weight was at 226.5 yesterday, and then i went out to eat and came home i weighed 230. i panicked, because i kno my metabolism at optimal speed burns off 2.5 lbs. period. so i took a cocktail of pills and let it all go. i recently have started using some of my stash of diuretics as i have used up all of those laxies (tsk,tsk, how did 48 go so fast??). my dad takes Rx diuretics and has me cut them in half for him for his doses, so i swipe some. it's not like he keeps track because he only uses them when he's got fluid build-up. so this time around i swiped 12pills. and as of today i have taken 2. my weight this morning was 223, only one pound off from being able to say i lost 20 pounds since i bought my scale. i can't afford any screwups rite now. i need to be 220 by monday. i made a new goal as it seems i don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting <200 by nov. 7 (my b-day!) so my new goal is 212. thirty pounds in three months would be marvelous. i am not far off, just eleven pounds. if i watch it i should be able to do it.
today was a bit of a disaster, as i ate shrimp pad thai that looked like it could've fed 3 starving children no prob. and i ate all of it. i have never considered purging more in my life, but i just won't do it. and interesting thing, thai restaurants seem to be the bulimic wonderland. all of the bathrooms are SINGLES, meaning no one strolls in on the purge (if i were actually doing it...) and if you carry visine or something, no telltale eye redness!!! but i can't and won't purge. i'll berate myself until i stop eating so much. i was reading a book today that said not to have a ton of cals in one swoop, because the body will store them as fat. so new plan is to eat very little at multiple times in the day. that way i'll be able to go to sleep the same weight i woke up at and lose weight (and no eating after 7!!!! i've had a tuff time sticking to that but definetly nothing after 8 on more than most days). let's see how it works shall we?
The push for 212 and under is on: How low can i go?
Scarlet <3

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Where'd you guys go/ new low weight!

Hey y'all,
I've been missing you guys lately. You don't comment or anything; kind of makes me feel like I'm writing to myself.
Anywho, I am now at a new low weight!!! 224! Eleven pounds under my old low weight (when I started it was 235) and eighteen pounds under my starting weight, and 46pounds under mi high weight!!!! Yippee!!! I have to tell you guys though, I haven't been fasting every other day like I planned, but I have been eating a lot less and drinking caffeine. Seriously, that stuff is a godsend and helped me to not only survive the weekend but lose two and a half pounds! If I get some coffee today and watch myself, I may very well hit 220 by 2moro. That would be an eleven and a half pound loss in a week. Yowza.
So I am off to be skinny, got a bday party to go to of someone idk, but there is no free food and thank god mi dad is a cheapskate and will only buy a little something so we won't look like losers. Not that we're poor or anything, he's just supertight with the budget.
Hopefully you girls will be back commenting and blogging. The blogosphere isn't the same without you.
Scarlet <3

Friday, October 16, 2009

OMG, Not A Fattie!

Hey Y'all!
So I am currently resting at...226.5!! Wow! I am now almost back to my low weight and all I had to do was push back, stop eating after seven, abd drink coffee. Yes, I have started to drink coffee about twice a week as I lose three pounds everytime! It's only downhill from here! To think I could've been so light if I had done this last week. Let's see, assuming same loss, by now I could have been like 231.5. But I guess I can't cry over spilled milk. I am writing you guys on my Blackberry! Oooh it's so awsm!! Ok, let's see how low I can go!
Think thin! Be thin!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


BTW, I have been having some trouble going to sleep lately? What gives??

Three pounds!!!!

Hey Guys!!!!!
So my weight had been high yesterday, a sickening 233.5! So I cut back on food and made some rules. no food after 7pm period. no exceptions. I eat bfast, lunch, and dinner at set times in the day. 9-10 am, 2-3pm, and 6-7pm. If i must i can shift bfast and lunch hours around but not too much. if i am out and have to eat i  ride out the hour. like if the food comes at 7:30pm  can eat until 8pm. but only if i have to.
here is the cal intake of yesterday:
1 apple: 130cals
1 boiled egg: 70cals
1 lipton green tea: 200 cals
coffee: 200 cals
4 lemon wafers: 180cals
1 apple: 130cals
Total: 910cals
and this morning i was 230.5!!!!!!!! Woot! that makes it 3 pounds in 1 day! that's a record for me!
SO i am fasting today! Juice fasting. i have had carrot and carrot beet juice and i will have dinner at 6pm. so i am off to study for my orgo exam that i have tomorrow!!! Wish me luck!
Scarlet <3
Stay Skinny, Be Free!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Old Ideas Are New Again

Hey Y'all,
so i was reading past entries (i'm talking WAY back) and i ran across my carefree ana plan. it was a good plan, it just needed retooling. like limits on what i can eat on food days. so the revised plan is:
fast every other day. period, no fiddling with times (i was known for 6p-6p it was easy and confusing). set days for fasting are: monday, wednesday, friday. i can do those days no sweat, early classes and at home all day. doable if i fill in excess time with web, studying and reading. i should add cleaning to that list but i am too messy, i'll be working ALL DAY! LOL.
When i am eating I will have:
Bfast: fruit and juice or something cal equivalent.
Lunch: This is skippable, but light veggies with fruit
Din-Din: Veggie soup, mostly broth not a whole lot of stock.
no Bfast,no Lunch. only some juice to get metabolism moving. then eat 1/4 of restuarant food, no appetizers. and order lightest thing on menu, ie veggies or soup soup is easy to make look like you ate more than you did.
okay y'all tell me what you think and what further revisions should be made.
Scarlet <3

Monday, October 12, 2009


Hey Y'all!!!
So I am getting a blackberry on friday with unlimited web, which means more posts!!! I am so happy about this!!! Now I can do whatever i want!!!!!!
I didn't last two weeks without the scale. I weighed today and i have not lost anything. My parents still think i have resisted, but i can't live without the scale. knowing i didn't have a judge in the morning left too much room for error. so i am back to starving!!!
Oh and I have only had two apples and some almond breeze and some carrot juice. So i won't eat until around 7pm. Okay, I am off to do studying!!
Oh thanks for the encouragement sorry_i_can't_be_perfect and don't forget to blog!
And hello New Followers!!!
Scarlet <3

Friday, October 9, 2009

She's So Money!

Hey Y'all!
So I did come into $230 today and I am SUPER HAPPY!!!! I immediately went to Whole Foods and bought fifty bucks worth of food. nothing super anything though. Tortillas (110cals each, fat-free), Honeycrisp Apples (130cals each, though negative i think), Veggies (25cals a serving, again neg. cals i think), Almond Breeze milk (unsweetened 40cals for 8oz, sweetened 90cals for 8oz. I got one of each unintentionally), A homemade trail mix (cranberries, pineapples, ginger granola, no idea on cals), rasberry tea (40cals per 8oz),and CHOCOLATE SMOOTH MOVE!!! The Chocolate smooth move is not like "Oh mi god this tastes so good i want to drink it all the time!" but it's not "Ugh, this tastes like the shit that will be coming out mi ass!" (excuse mi profanity! LOL). It was tolerable and kind of reminiscent of chocolate, like you kind of think you're tasting it, but not. so final verdict is still out, we have to see if it beats my trusted laxie pills.
Today did not go as well as i'd hoped. I did not get cucumber salad but wonton soup and one crab ragoon. then later i had a LITTLE bit of fish and some steamed veggies. and then 2 luna bars. and then some granola and a pint of sorbet (tangerine). overall not that bead but i've got to go now. BYE!!!
Scarlet <3

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Cute Is What We Aim For!

Hey Y'all!
Yes I know the title is the name of a band but i have never actually heard their songs, but i LOVE their name. LOL. So, I am doing well today, i didn't eat until about 5:30/6pm and i ate some garlic sesame sticks, and this sugar-free lemon bar. it was not like butter-free or anything but i wanted a controlled treat, so there will be no BINGING!!!! I am coming into about $200 tomorrow (fingers crossed!) so I will not be really being tracked on how much cash i have and walgreens has a sale on all hershey's bars only 29cents each, so we don't want ANY of that!! So, I headed it off at the pass so to speak. I am going to be good tomorrow since the fam and i are going right back to the thai restuarant that made me gain 3.5lbs. but this time, i will only order the cucumber salad and maybe have a crab ragoon. maybe. it depends on how i feel, but at least i have the entree figured out it is easier. Also, we are buying our own meals and there is no way in hell i am going to buy crab ragoon on my cash!
 I went buy my orgo profs office and he looked at mi exam and gave me three more points! Which brings my score back up to 91!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOT! Also in other orgo news, i have had more contact with my crush who i will call The Irish Boy, or IB. He has the most Irish name i have ever heard! He's blond and oh so cute!!! He was talking to me today and smiling and all the good stuff i love to enjoy!

BarelyAliveAna, thanks for following! It's nice to have you here!
MinaBelle! You can have good grades! Instead of taking so much time focusing on NOT EATING just waste your time with studying! By the time i get halfway through one of my classes homework, two hours can easily go by. Just toss your excess time into school work and you'll get great grades! Also ppl won't pay attention to you as much if you're getting good grades. any weird behavior your parents will let pass because whatever u'r doing u'r getting good grades and giving them bragging rights! hope this helps!

I can't wait until the monday after next when i get to weigh in and i can't wait to buy the smooth move tea. hoping to be 220 or less by the time i weigh in! Ok guys I'll talk to you later! Don't forget to comment, don't forget to blog!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Finally fixed that damn time stamp!
Scarlet <3

I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier...

Hey Y'all!
I just realized something, no offense to any southerners out there but i just realized that the way i head my posts sounds just like i come from texas or something. LOL. I am from a big city in the midwest. I'd tell you more, but my life is highly recognizable so i can't. Anyway, GRADES!!!! I got my orgo test back and i got an 88! But I am going to hound my prof tomorrow and try to get it past 90(i am obsessed with my grades). and my psych exam was an 85. I am not happy with the 85 but see no way to change it. i kind of suck at psychology. I almost got a B last semester in it. But i just have to study more, the exam popped up at a BAD time. too many other wayyy more important classes got in the way!
On to my weight! well...the truth is i have no idea. i haven't weighed since monday. I can't take the ups and downs. I'm trying to abstain for 2 weeks. However, i have been eating very, very light! And drinking TONS of water. Today so far i've had some grapes and a Luna bar(those things are AMAZING, only 180cals!) I drank water with that so now i feel full. I am starting something a tad crazy now. I am going to switch to taking laxitives all the time. not the pills because i know the danger of those (though i have already used 3/4 of my box. oops). so i am going to try the Smooth Move tea. i have read on other blogs that it tastes amazing and works really well. i am going to look for more reviews on it, but if you guys have tried it can you let me know?
Also...I still have a major crush on the guy that sits next to me in orgo, BUT. idk if he only talks to me in class (a pet peeve of mine) or if he just idk, doesn't notice me outside of class. I saw him today on my way to another class. and he smiled in my direction. so i waved like a dork but he didn't wave back! am i overreacting!!!! I mean is a smile just another way of saying hello?? SHOULD I CHILL AND RELAX?!? I am way too insecure and have had guys hurt me many, many times so i am a little jumpy. help me out!
BTW, I feel lonely without you guys' comments, so hit me up!

Monday, October 5, 2009

I Am Invincible As Long As I'm Alive

Hey Y'all,
I didn't want to write this post. I wanted to wait a LONG time before i wrote you guys again. But I'm here so i might as well stop whining my ass off and say what happened this weekend: On Saturday morning i was 226. I was happy. I intended to eat healthy. My parents and I went to a thai restaurant where i ordered SAUTEED spicy sole fish with cucumber salad. and i treated myself to two crab ragoons, as I felt my order was so healthy. when my meal came however, the fish was fucking FRIED!!! I couldn't believe it. I felt like the fattest cow in the room. my parents meal were not fried. I ate it. felt like shit. said it wouldn't be the end of the world. went on to eat two carol's cookies; chocolate chip and PB chocolate combo. those cookies are 6.5oz EACH. go to to see what a whale i am. I didn't think the worst. that was all i ate. I gained 3.5 pounds. I took laxitives the next morning. Then my mom and i made wonton soup and cucumber salad. not bad. i mean literally that was just about all i had. and i woke up even after the laxies did their thing i was still 231.5. so overall loss this week? ZERO. Score one more point for me. Not. I honestly don't know how it happened. I've done wayy worse and not gained that much weight. I'm not binging, but i gained it all back. But as the title says, I Am Invincible As Long As I'm Alive. I can't quit from a setback. i have to keep going. You only fail when you stop trying. I can get back down and not fuck it up again. I must try. wish me luck guys!
Scarlet <3
BTW: I got a 100% on mi Chemical engineering exam. I'll let you guys know what i get on mi orgo and psych exams when i can!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Back From Outer Space (lol)

Hey ladies!
I know i was supposed to blog yesterday but i wanted to wait until i got my orgo test back, but i won't get that till tuesday so here i am! I have good news to report. I am now 228!!!! yay!!!! I have been eating little but enough to keep the metabolism firing high. I'm trying not to kill it(again). Yesterday I ate:
Celery w/ hummus
Lettuce, red pepper, and bamboo shoots( cooked in LIGHT sesame oil, garlic, salt and pepper)
the day before that:
Kashi GoLean Malt Ball Bar
Veggies again(stir fry mix this time, cooked same way)
Add in mi juices and you have what i have been eating. I haven't been starving though, i just don't have the time to eat anymore. take this morning. at 11am i had celery and hummus for Bfast with mi juices. it is now 5pm and i haven't had anything else. not on pupose, just because of time!!! So mi diet is a success!
Now on to the weekend! Time to maintain and maybe even lose a little.
Lexy, I'm glad you decided to do the Vulture plan, it really does work! :))))
Okay, Later guys!
Scarlet <3
BTW, if any of you need an email buddy:!

Monday, September 28, 2009


"Down to the wire,
I wanted water but i'll walk through the fire,
if this is what it takes to take me even higher,
then i'll do like i do when the world keeps testing me, testing me, testing me..."
--John Mayer "Vultures"

Hey Y'all!
So, I know what you're thinking: What the heck is up with the song?'s the theme of mi new plan. a way to hold on to what you work so hard for. But first, let's look at mi weekend shall we?
sooo I was only able to juice fast on thursday. Meh, and i had to eat fri,sat, and sun! Looking at mi blog you know i have a history of gaining massive amounts of weight over the weekend and it has become something i routinely dread. However, this weekend was different. I actually LOST WEIGHT!! I lost half a pound from friday. so now i am 231. yay! It's amazing and i couldn't figure out why it happened until i read Lexy's comment. My Metabolism is freaking back!!!! I was silly starving myself all week and then eating normal on the weekend. of course i was going to gain! so this time it will be different. Now to THE PLAN!!!
You know how vultures never really kill anything, they just wait for it to die or eat the scraps of some other animals' kill? That's how i'm going to be, like a vulture. You eat your safe foods most of the time, but if you must go to a restaurant, order the lightest thing and taste other ppls stuff if you feel the need. no one is going to let you binge on their food as humans are habitually stingy. at least mi parents are and i really don't eat from anyone else. Here's an example: on Saturday, mi fam and i went to a chinese restuarant. I got a large wonton soup and two spring rolls and some spicy (seriously!) cabbage. but then i shared the soup, and was able to give like 3/5 of it away, and i drenched the spring rolls in HOT mustard with only a little sweet n sour sauce and ate my cabbage. not much right? Mi food was GONE by the time mi parents Govenor's shrimp and sweet and sour shrimp came along. i looked like an idiot sitting there w/ no food. so i nabbed some rice and some of their leftover sauce and like one shrimp from each dish and some stray veggies and ate that. i didn't even finish all the rice as i felt i had gotten too much. and that was pretty much it for the whole day. that sounds Great to me for a night out at a restuarant. That's all you gotta do girls: Don't STOP eating completely, cause your metabolism will throw a shit fit, but make it burn what you do eat (safe foods) and vulturerize yourself when you can't stick with only safe foods and don't want ppl to ask questions. You want pizza? go narc a bite of someone else's but do not allow yourself to buy one or have a slice of your own. it's that simple.
The song at the top not only helped to introduce mi plan, but i am down to the wire. i need to lose 32 lbs in five weeks. my b-day is november 7 and i want to be under 200 by that time. that means i need to lose 7 lbs a week. i think i can do that? I need you guys' help tho. I need safe foods. so far i have apples, lettuce, my roasted seaweed packs (only 40 cals! and they boost metabolism!), pretty much all veggies, but what else? help please!
I also just got mi hair done (straightened, it looks so pretty!!) so i cannot really work out except something that won't make me sweat like a leisure ride on my stationary bike but not enough to sweat and maybe for a long duration? which eggs me on to stick with mi diet. it's like "ooh that looks good...but how would i shift the weight i would gain from it w/o excercise? oh well, can't eat it, i guess" it's funny how mi mind works sometimes.
I don't know my exam grade yet (boo!) and hopefull i will know tomorrow, which means you guys would know on weds. but i will def. know on thursday and tell you guys.
Thanks for all the sweet comments on mi last post and tell me what you think of the new plan!
Scarlet <3

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I was meant to be better...

Okay so for the past couple of days i tried to be normal. i tried to eat less and move more. I tried and i lost NOTHING. i can't take this. so i'm back to juice fasting, with only maybe raw veggies and fruit in between. That is all! i will bypass the weekend and not get fat. I will be thin. I WILL.

In other news i finished my orgo exam today! I felt really good about it so let's pray for a good score! Thanks for all the lovely comments and hello to new followers! i have LOTS of studying and HW to do this weekend so i won't be on much, but i will tell you guys results on monday. i'll try to read blogs when i can!
happy Weekend!
Scarlet <3

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Scale Hates Me (of course)

Hey Y'all,
So my scale hates me. I have no idea what i weigh because i weighed this morning and it said 234. then 233. then 232.5. i weighed five times extra after the last number and it stayed at 232.5. so i guess i'm claiming that as mi weight but i don't think i should weigh for a while. it makes my defenses lower when it's a good number and it depresses the hell outta me when it's bad, so i'm just going to wait until monday or something to weigh again. if i keep thinking that i'm huge i'm more likely to stay on the path. and even though i'm going to weigh on monday it's during the week and i'll be crazy busy.
i have so much to do in this next week and a half: orgo exam on thursday, map quiz on thursday, psych exam weds(next one, not this one), and a chemical enginnering exam on weds(same day). AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to be so stressed so the last thing i need is an evil scale, but i will be working out to relieve stress! so hopefully i will keep getting thinner!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Lose gain, no more cheating!!!

Hey Y'all,
Okay so i have been semi bulimic as of late, in the form of those lovely inventions called laxitives. I know i said i wasn't going to get addicted, but i did which is why i am stopping IMMEDIATELY. On friday i took some because of the buffet, on saturday i took some because i ate heavy food and i'm impatient, on sunday i didn't take any because i have school today, but the first thing i did when i woke up was pop some more. So this is going to stop. TODAY. I am doing a five day juice fast and then the weekend is a time to restrict, restrict, restrict!!! No more being a little bad and all this "oh but i'm at 230 i can eat a little something..." NOOOOOOO!!!!! I can't i gain and I laxitive and i still have a huge gain but i guess not as bad as it could be. the laxitives just started working so that should knock off 1.5lbs and if i continue the trend i had at the beginning of last week, i should be down an additional 2lbs tomorrow which would take me back down to 230 and then on to lower weights!!! my goal this week is 225 or less!! so let's pray that i get there!
Thanks for the sweet comments!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, September 19, 2009


So Ya, The Blog needed a makeover. so it got one. LOL.
Scarlet <3

Catch and Release

Hey Y'all,
so yesterday i weighed in at 230. that was great and i was happy, but then i did something stupid: I went to a buffet with my family because i was seriously hungry. i had grapes that morning and by 5pm i was ravenous. I ate like a pig, and expected a high gain. this morning the grand total is three pounds. i was shocked. I could get three pounds off like by sleeping. a workout will knock off 1-1.5 lbs and i'm fasting today, which will knock off 1-2. i might even wake up under 230. I would have to laugh if that happened. just because it seems so strange.
So I am back to being good and getting thinner. I will be under 225 by friday. I'm praying for less.
My week has been hectic, too many quizzes, too much homework. Haha, that's college for you. so i'm thinking if i don't screw up anymore or anything, i can lose 4-7lbs a week and that means by mi b-day, in the first week of november, i can be between 200-180lbs. and by christmas, i can be between 176-138lbs. I know the lowest i can lose is a pound a day on mi fast days and 7 max. so that would be really great. this is the great push ppl. i must be skinny by the end of the year. Any Ideas???
It seems so unreal that this is all i had to do to be losing weight by the minute. all i had to do was resist. that was all, why the fuck didn't i do that all this time!!!!
Sorry about the rant so anyway, i mostly maintained and i'll be back to 230 or lower by sunday or monday.
I'm off to read blogs and also, be sure to comment you guys, i love knowing what you think!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Fast Day Three!!!

Hey Y'all,
so here i am at day three. i really didn't think i would make it this far, i was so sure that i was going to break but i haven't and won't! The scales have been oh so kind to me as of late. i am now 233.0lbs and going down. i have lost 2lbs a day! If this keeps up i can be 227 by saturday. I know also that i am not dehydrated as i am drinking water and juice all the time!!! so i really am getting thinner!!!! I might post progress pics at 220 or 210, or maybe even 200. we'll see. it depends on how i feel when i get to those numbers.
Yay!!! A new follower! Hi welcome to the blog!
Anyway, i feel kind of bad because i feel like i'm totally sabotaging my mom. as you guys know, she weighs 178, which is wayyyyy less than me, but i haven't told her i'm on a juice fast. in fact, she's stuffing her face with cookies and sesame bars. from mi calcs she downed about 2500 cals yesterday, so in time i may be able to catch up to her.
I was watching The Biggest Loser yesterday and it felt so good to see that all of those fatties weighed more than me, when last season that was not the case(sad i kno). I find it really thinsporational because it makes you not want to eat, want to work out, and feel like if you're losing drastic weight you're not doing something unhealthy (lol).
I've also made the decision that since this juice fast is so successful i'm going to fast M-F every week. I have school so i don't have time to think about other things during the week so i'll be able to get thin w/o the suffering. if i get down to 227 i will have lost 10lbs in a week. if i do that every week i can be what, eighty pounds lighter by mi b-day (in the beginnning of november)?? I'm taking into account the weekend rite now, i think one meal a day of veggies or a vegan treat (taco salad....mmmmm) as long as i stay away from rice and bread i should be fine. that way i might 1) lose more over the weekend, or 2) maintain. both of which are mi goals.
Yum, having a juicer is GREAT. it's supereasy and you can toss in just about anything. mi parents and i have the midgrade breville juicer. we got it for about $150 at macy's. look it up, it's AWESOME!!!
So how about a lil personal life?? I officially have a crush on the guy that sits next to me in mi orgo class. oh the plights of a young college student....maybe when i'm thin i'll have a shot seeing as he talks to me now.
ok thin mints, keep strong and starve on,
Scarlet <3

Monday, September 14, 2009

Fast Day One

Okay so after a, let's say interesting night and morning, i woke up to 237lbs. i guess i can deal with that for now. I'm going to do aerobics as soon as i watch jeopardy!( I kno, I'm a neeeerd), so hopefully i can go down 1.5lbs of preserved salt/water weight from that shitty salty chinese food. Once i do that i can be 234.5 assuming i go down 1 pound over night after workout. then it's down hill.
I've been good, it's become a liquid/juice/gum fast. I have a question, i swallow my gum (sorry), it's a bad habit and can i still call it a fast?? I won't have any tommorrow though, for fear that i'm not being hardcore.
Thanks Yum for the advice about the laxies and how to avoid getting fat on chinese takeout and the juice. most of the time i juice my own stuff, just carrots and greens, though sometimes i'll drink some diluted grapefruit juice. you know, half and half, but everything else i drink straight. I probably won't be doing the whole 8 laxie thing anymore, that was painful, though it did get the job done. I'll stick with two only when absolutely needed. I really like not eating rather than eating and being glued to a toilet,lol.
So, best case senario i get down to 234.5 by tomorrow (too ambitious??) and then under 230 by friday. Please God let this work.
Think Thin Guys!!!
Scarlet <3

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Chinese Takeout

So idk what the hell was wrong with me yesterday, i ate a jerusalem steak, a taco salad, 3/4 of a cheesecake slice, a peanut butter cookie, a 24oz brisk ice tea, a large vegetable kow and the carton of rice that came with it. yeah. so no surprise that i was up to 239.5 this morning. five fucking pounds. ugh. so i thought i would fast today. but then mi parents wanted to go BACK to the chinese takeout. panic,panic,panic. then i decided not to get anything. but then my mom was all like: "are you sad, my is my baby sad? are you fasting???" I said no and that i just had to go across the street to get a juice from walgreens. i wound (is that right??)up with an apple juice and a 48count pack of walgreens knockoff exlax. oh yeah, i did it. i wound up eating some of mi dad's leftover shrimp hong sue sans shrimp (I am a vegan, all that yummy stuff i listed earlier were vegan versions) and then as soon as i got home i downed 8 laxies. I read on one blog that the girl went down five pounds after a bad binge. so if i do that, i will be back to mi low weight of 234.5. i am praying that will happen. praying, because i was close to a new goal weight.

This next week i am attempting to do something i've never done: I'm going to try a five day fast. i will go with water as long as possible, but at the very most only juice. the key is no food. I will try to get to 230 by the end of the week or lower. I need to see a number that starts with 22 instead of 23. so wish me luck thin mints, i'll need it.

Scarlet <3

Thursday, September 10, 2009

So Thinspiring!!!
It's about this girl who developed anorexia in college and lost 45lbs in two months. I have to say that i wish i could lose that much in two months...I don't even see some of the most hardcore anas on here lose that much...wouldn't our lives all be easier if we could though?
Scarlet <3

Houston, we have a problem...

I'm freaking out and i don't know why.
My body does this weird thing that when i lose a lot of weight(5.5lbs...this past week) it kind of has to balance itself by going up a pound, which is why yesterday i was 235.5, and after eating little (one meal really), i am down to 235. I didn't eat all day, literally this time. i had a green juice earlier before i left for school (mi first class is at 2PM), and then i was at school until 5pm and i bought like one of those small lifesaver size rolls of wild cherry hard candies cause i was dragging and i had to take a quiz in mi orgo class so i thought i'd boost mi sugar level. okay. dad and i get home then decide to go to Whole Foods (vegan heaven, vegan ana hell) and get something to eat. i wound up forgetting to get a meal and got a chocolate monster cookie (lol..) and some carob raisins. the cookie was kinda big, but watevs, it's vegan. and the carob raisins...well, we won't deal with that cause i kinda love 'em. anyway, i felt kinda of proud, just a roll of candy, a cookie, and some carob raisins for the whole day and by this time it's 7:30pm and i'm not going to eat anything else. but for some reason after the meal i went to the bathroom and it was empty, so i did jumping jacks for two minutes and then used the bathroom. i didn't understand it. i wasn't bad. the things that i ate would have normally been snacks with mi other bfast lunch and dinner. WTH is wrong with me!!!! I'm not gaining, i'm losing, and i'm not really eating, i'm eating one meal a day, so why am i acting all weird!! I'm going to work out later on cuz it's mi thing, but am i losing mi mind??? I'm starting to think i really am switching to the opposite end of the spectrum on mi eating habits. from COE to EDNOS, with a penchant for starving.
Idk, why am i boring you guys with this lame-o stuff. Anyway, i had a good day and i am moving on to the weekend!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Hopefully a super low weight tomorrow (one pound, please) and happy times!!!!
XOXO Think Thin and Be Thin,
Scarlet <3

Monday, September 7, 2009


Hey Y'all!
I hit a new low weight, i hit a new low weight! (excuse me while i revert to childhood for a few seconds,lol). So as you can tell, i hit a new low weight. I am now 234.5lbs. which is fab for me. This past week i somehow had let my weight spiral out of control back up to 240lbs. and that's not weighing in at night after a ton of food or anything, that's in the MORNING, after sleep, which is why i sounded so completely depressed on mi last post. i felt like a failure, and now i feel like a winner!!! Thanks so much to sorry_i_can't_be_perfect for your words of encouragement, it means a lot to me! So i suppose i am off to better and lower weights right!
Also wanted to do an update on the whole EK thing, yeah, he's a jerk so that is out the window. though he's just another one added to the list of ppl i am going to make sick and have totally sucking up when i'm slim and beautiful.
I am so happy i could just jump around all day!!!!!! I've also added working out EVERYDAY in some form or another. rite now i'm sticking to donna richardson's back to basics tape that i found recently (old skool aerobics, yeah!). it's kinda of funny because everytime i do it at night i go down 1.5lbs, which i think is hilarious. I love it.
so that's an update on me, hope everyone is doing great and getting thin!!!!!!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I kno i've blinked out lately, mostly because i was soooo dissapointed in myself and frustrated with mi body and the whole: Eat alot=gain, eat normal=gain, binge==GAIN, eat next to nothing=small losses. so yeah i was really pissed, i haven't quite figured out mi metabolism yet. anyway, I'm on a juice fast right now, i''m not the beat at it but i am trying. yesterday i think i had two grapes before i mental slapped myself. so i am doing well, down 1.5 pounds since yesterday, but i'm not gonna tell mi weight until i am quite satisfied, sometimes when i think i'm soing well is when i mess everything up, so i'm treating myself like crap on purpose. So i'm catching up on blogs so i'll catch y'all later!!
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Weight loss and a new boy...

Okay so I'm back down to 236.5 and i think it will only go lower as long as i don't screw anything up, tho mi parent's anniversary is SUNDAY and they want to go somewhere to EAT. I've been good lately, yesterday i only had: 2 peaches, an orange, 1 1/2 bananas, and a rasberry green tea smoothie, oh and fruit and veggie juices. not bad and i lost 2 pounds. if i keep this up i could be below 235 by sunday. like 233 or 234. that would make me pretty happy.
now i kno what you guys are thinking: okay, weight loss, blah, blah, blah, get to the good stuff: who's the new boy?? The new boy is in my Political Science class and i just met him yesterday and he's adorable and a sweetheart and with this new lost-weight-and-still-losing confidence i've found i talked to him and found out he's a FRESHMAN. Freshman means 18, which means that he's only one and a half years older than me and i have a snowball's chance of getting asked to the fall dance(unless it's already passed??). we will call him EK as i am sure he will be making more apperances. JH is so screwed now. in one day i have found a cuter, sweeter, YOUNGER, replacement for him. i highly doubt EK will be as emotionally screwed up as JH. so YAY!!!
I am getting back in touch with mi friends now that everyone is back at school and not busy. I just found out that mi friend NM just took her PCATs (at mi uni campus no less!) and is awaiting her results, and mi other friend MK had to register late so he got crappy classes, and JB, has dropped off the face of the earth facebook-wise. JB was supposed to be going to this school up in michigan, but no one knows because JB is now apparently "unavailable". I will update you on that when i get the new info.
Mi other friend BK went to NEW YORK over the summer with her friends and now i'm all jealous because she gets to go to new york and i've never been and she so THIN. she's about mi height and weighs about 120, 110?? She's korean so if you've seen most asian girls you know what i'm talking about. and she has all these great clothes too!!!
so anyway hopefully next time i will be BELOW 235!! and have a new LW!!!
Scarlet <3

Monday, August 24, 2009

KFC's Double Down Sandwich: Is Chicken Instead Of Bread Going Too Far? (VIDEO)
In the midst of a staggering obesity epidemic in the US, KFC has doubled down on a high-calorie menu choice. KFC is now offering a "sandwich" which consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken.
Just read this on mi cousin's facebook...What the HELL?!?!?
BTW if y'all have a facebook (secret), hit me up, Ana Love. I'm the one with the manga pic (just in case there are ne more "ana love" named ppl on FB.

FOOD/WATER Weight!!!! ahhhhh!

Hey y'all,
so i hit 235 on sunday!!! I was so happy. and then i weighed myself at night and was 237.5, which i was okay with cuz it was going to go away. then i weighed myself later that night and the scale said: 239. hmmmm....I had bumped mi scale but not hard or anything. i woke up this morning and the scale said...238.5!!! WTFWTFWTFWTF!?! I know i didn't eat 12250cals OVER what mi body can burn. i don't even eat that in like maybe a week and a half, so i kno it must be water food weight but i can't stand it! I want 235 back, it's a beautiful number(for now) because the next step down is 229...I need to see losses to keep going...i don't want to have to starve(more than i am, kinda) and kill mi metabolism but this is the type of stuff that will drive me to do that. I'm serious, i feel FAT when i don't see losses. I'm doing better than normal ppl, but i don't want to be normal. from my last post hell, you can see I'm NOT NORMAL. okay, i kno, but losses will make me happy.
Okay, i started back at school today!! my entire campus is full of thinspo and i feel like a whale. a smaller whale from last semester but a whale. so i'm pushing on!!! I like my classes so far and i'm going to haul ass (so much to pull...tear) at the gym tomoro since it's free and everything. so hopefully next time i'll be lower than 235... hope you guys are doing great and losing weight!!!!
Scarlet <3

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hey Y'all,
so another bad day yesterday. I kno, i kno, i'm doing so well, why all these bad days. idk, tbh. i really just don't kno. I mean, I'm pretty sure i stayed under 1500cals (*crosses fingers and prays*), and most of what i ate wasn't that bad EXCEPT, the 440cal chocolate bar i woofed in the car w/o my parents knowledge on the ride home. I guess i should tell you guys that when i was younger i was a dynamo when it came to stealing, eating, and hiding food. it's been a problem forever and i accredit most of my weight to it. you name it i did it. I would steal ingredients and make cookie dough in mi room and eat it, or make batter, or buy candy at gas stations w/o my parents knowing, or buying it at places like walgreen's when they have those 3/1.00 sales. so this was one of those times. i impulsively bought a chocolate bar for a dollar at one of those world market stores. then i ate it in the car on the ride home and felt guilty as hell. But i should mention that i was 237 yesterday, so YAY!! i don't deserve it but i've been essentially praying my weight off. don't laugh, i'm serious. every night i'm all "God please let me be lighter than (current weight) tomorrow, please, please, please" and then continue with the rest of my prayer. and it's been working. since i started that i've lost 3.5lbs this week. amazing. i did it when i learned that that's what my mom has been doing. she works at a catholic hospital so she goes to their chapel and prays everyday on her lunch break. and she weighs 180lbs. back in 2006 she weighed 230. and she's lazy as hell and never works out. well, she's started walking recently but she hates it. anyway i've found it works. so hopefully my praying, walking, and biking yesterday will offset all the stuff i ate. I weighed 239 today, but that's w/o BM and i plan on getting an enema and taking some sort of laxie like senna or something to rid myself of the food weight and i should be 235 by monday. also, i went clothes shopping yesterday and bought a pair of size 16 jeans that look freaking hot on me. if i can get mi hands on my mom camera i will take a pic and show you guys. so i've dropped one size so far!!! I also bought a new pair of goal jeans. I kno i have some gap cordoroys i want to fit but i'm not that far. about ten more pounds and i'll be wearing them. so i bought some size 12 jones of new york jeans. when i can fit them it will be happy happy joy joy. I also just went on mi real facebook and JH has posted pics from his vacation and his new profile pic is him in some swimming trunks on a beach front. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Okay sorry had to get that out. I really wanted him to get fat but he has actually lost most of the weight he picked up last semester and he looks all tan and shit. damn, if i didn't hate him so much i would have a crush on him. again. But he's a jerk so whatever....SO the new plan is to empty mi guts and pray that i'm 235 by monday so i can feel good about myself.
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ma Skinner to Marge Simpson: "He'll kill you five times before you're dead"

Hey Y'all,
thanks for the comments I certainly hope five pounds will come off on Saturday. I will scream and jump up and down until i probably burn off another pound, lol. SO I weighed today and i am 238!!! Yay, only 3lbs away from GW1. However...I had a bit of a snag in my lovely weight loss. I went outside. Let me say this now: The WORLD IS THE DEVIL.SATAN IN THE FLESH, i swear. so my parents get this brilliant idea to eat our cheat day TODAY instead of friday like we normally do. we spent forever trying to find a restuarant in china town so we stopped by a BAKERY (wtf, i thought we swore off this bakery), to get a "little something to put in our mouths". Good lord i nearly had a massive coronary. But I got out of most things because i didn't want anything with lard and 95% of the bakery shit has lard. they have the ingredients on the tags. so i got like this angel-food sponge cake and a walnut and bean paste stick. then we got a WBPS to go. Ok...hmmm not liking this so far. i estimated that shit at 500cals. Idk how much really, but i'll overshoot rather than undershoot anyday.
After that we went to our fave restaurant and i got what i thought would be healthy: Garlic Shrimp. how bad could it be? Okay it was a dark but fairly thin gravy with veggies and SPICY!!! I was like "at least it's hot" burn off some extra cals. wound up eating rice with it but only ate 2/3 of the dish and basically gave the rest to my dad cuz he claimed he got jipped on his sauteed shrimp which looked ten times fucking more healthy than my shit, please excuse my french.
so i estimated that at 500cals (my magic number).
I was thinking to myself, i can deal with this, this is okay, but then my dad and i went to whole foods and i got carob raisins, so add another 400cals up my ass. then, yes THEN, we went BACK to china town and i got those little peanut bars i must've had fifty rants about mi dad eating in previous posts. Well I got one peanut bar. It has ten pieces and i was like: shit if i eat this i'll be wayyy over 1500 (my evil day cut off). Ana says "eat half and you'll only go a little over and because you walked a mile today you'll make it." oooh, that sounds great. then this evil little fat girl is all like: "Oh eat a little more than that, it's soooo good." I had made it down to the halfway point and somehow two more pieces dissapeared and i was suddenly chewing...shit. Ana rolls her eyes and the fat girl goads me to finish it since I'm "Almost there". Damn right i'm almost there but not to the end of the candy, to my first goal of 235 and i'm going to fuck it up for a piece of shit candy bar..REALLY??? then I sat there with it in mi hands and then daddy points out this trio of obese women walking down the street. "There go some more beautiful women" he said sarcastically. I couldn't pass those three pieces to him fast enough. I finally found mi trigger: DAD AND FAT WOMEN. He's my trash can, i can pawn off ALL food to him, and fat women remind me of how i used to be. so i'm a little over today but overall good control.
I had the thought of purging cross mi mind a million times today even though i've never done it. It crossed my mind so much that my body started purging itself. i started feeling stuff come up all by itself...weird.
So I plan on Juice/liquid fasting until and maybe through saturday.
I know this post is getting long so let me make this worth it for you:
Dairy is the devil:
I read in one of my many health nut books that the Casein in milk and milk products is what is used for wood paste. i kno alot of you drink milk or eat yogurt, but STOP. it's locking everything inside your intestines and no amount of laxies is going to break it (wood paste, strongest paste in the WORLD). so lay off and let it expel naturally and STAY THE FUCK AWAY as much as possible. Let me put it this way: last week i starved and ate 500 cals for six days and 1000 one day and should've lost 3lbs. i lost 1.5. I stopped eating yogurt (my diet staple) FOUR DAYS AGO and I have lost 2.5 lbs and am eating more than i was last week. So hell yeah it makes a difference. If you don't believe me, try it and see what happens. I'm pretty sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.
BTW, Yum if you want to research and post this on your blog, minus expletives (it's weird i never curse around anyone and yet i do it here), that's cool with me. I got it from the book Fresh Vegetable and Fruit Juices by Dr. NW Walker and it's in there. i thought i'd share that with you guys...So thanks for reading all this!
Scarlet <3