Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hey Y'all,
so another bad day yesterday. I kno, i kno, i'm doing so well, why all these bad days. idk, tbh. i really just don't kno. I mean, I'm pretty sure i stayed under 1500cals (*crosses fingers and prays*), and most of what i ate wasn't that bad EXCEPT, the 440cal chocolate bar i woofed in the car w/o my parents knowledge on the ride home. I guess i should tell you guys that when i was younger i was a dynamo when it came to stealing, eating, and hiding food. it's been a problem forever and i accredit most of my weight to it. you name it i did it. I would steal ingredients and make cookie dough in mi room and eat it, or make batter, or buy candy at gas stations w/o my parents knowing, or buying it at places like walgreen's when they have those 3/1.00 sales. so this was one of those times. i impulsively bought a chocolate bar for a dollar at one of those world market stores. then i ate it in the car on the ride home and felt guilty as hell. But i should mention that i was 237 yesterday, so YAY!! i don't deserve it but i've been essentially praying my weight off. don't laugh, i'm serious. every night i'm all "God please let me be lighter than (current weight) tomorrow, please, please, please" and then continue with the rest of my prayer. and it's been working. since i started that i've lost 3.5lbs this week. amazing. i did it when i learned that that's what my mom has been doing. she works at a catholic hospital so she goes to their chapel and prays everyday on her lunch break. and she weighs 180lbs. back in 2006 she weighed 230. and she's lazy as hell and never works out. well, she's started walking recently but she hates it. anyway i've found it works. so hopefully my praying, walking, and biking yesterday will offset all the stuff i ate. I weighed 239 today, but that's w/o BM and i plan on getting an enema and taking some sort of laxie like senna or something to rid myself of the food weight and i should be 235 by monday. also, i went clothes shopping yesterday and bought a pair of size 16 jeans that look freaking hot on me. if i can get mi hands on my mom camera i will take a pic and show you guys. so i've dropped one size so far!!! I also bought a new pair of goal jeans. I kno i have some gap cordoroys i want to fit but i'm not that far. about ten more pounds and i'll be wearing them. so i bought some size 12 jones of new york jeans. when i can fit them it will be happy happy joy joy. I also just went on mi real facebook and JH has posted pics from his vacation and his new profile pic is him in some swimming trunks on a beach front. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Okay sorry had to get that out. I really wanted him to get fat but he has actually lost most of the weight he picked up last semester and he looks all tan and shit. damn, if i didn't hate him so much i would have a crush on him. again. But he's a jerk so whatever....SO the new plan is to empty mi guts and pray that i'm 235 by monday so i can feel good about myself.
Scarlet <3

1 comment:

  1. I guess i should tell you guys that when i was younger i was a dynamo when it came to stealing, eating, and hiding food

    It's funny because when I first started learning about eating disorders, I thought, "Hiding food? I would never do that!"

    Keep up the great job at the weight loss!

    But then when I thought back on it, I totally did that. I remember in particular a tub of chocolate frosting hidden in the closet...