Sunday, June 1, 2014

Life Unexpected

Oh gosh I am so sorry for being away.
The watermelon mono went pretty well, I got down to 328.8 which is a new low weight!! Yay! I even went to the gym. And then I woke up with a sore throat and cough. Boo.
I actually wound up going out on friday night, on water and 200 calories of eggs and mayo (I was planning on doing a fat fast and then my best friend came and kidnapped me). Later on I had one of those chipotle burrito bowls but I only ate like idk 75%  of it. Lots of dancing, LOTS OF ALCOHOL. I must've had at least 8 drinks. Didn't really get drunk though, surprisingly. Apparently chipotle just absorbs alcohol. I was out from like 6pm-2am and my poor feet were practically hobbled by the time I got back. My feet still sort of hurt right now which is really sad.
I got down to 328.6 today which I think is mostly due to dehydration so we shall see. I didn't count cals today because I am honestly trying to eat as much as possible to get rid of this cold. I have stuffed nose now too. Coughing and sore throat I can deal with but stuffed nose just annoys me so much, breathing is important. Unfortunately because I'm sick my appetite is like nothing. I didn't eat until 7pm today. I had two sandwiches. My bf tried to get me to eat more later and I wound up just having some lemon sorbet (trying to stay away from dairy because it makes the stuffed nose worse). On any other day I would be super proud but I feel like I won't get better if I don't eat more. But oh well.
I'm currently running on three hours of sleep because my nose stopped up while I was sleeping and then I got into some sneezing and coughing fits that were super loud so I just left my room so I wouldn't wake up my roommate. She's going to church early though so I can sleep in less than two hours. Yay.
Ugh i am so tired and achy. But you guys deserved an update. I am still fighting the good fight, maybe too well I need to get over this cold haha.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

It's Aliveee!!!

Thank you guys for all your congrats on the weight loss!!! :)

So apparently my metabolism is my boss now. Like remember when I used to not get hungry? Yeahhhh that doesn't happen anymore. I get hungry a lot now. I think it's because of the week I did all that vegetable and fruit stuff, it woke up my metabolism. On the brightside this means I don't suffer too much for screw-ups, on the bad side this means that if I don't eat a screw up is inevitable because HANGRY. But yay for metabolism working!!!

I figured this out yesterday when I tried to water fast. EEP. By 6pm I was in a fetal position on the floor begging for food. I've never felt my hunger that strong before. I didn't binge, but I might as well have eaten that day since restricting didn't even happen. So now I have that on top of the BBQ weight. *sad face*. I'm only 2 lbs up total though so I can still lose that AND have an overall loss for the week by monday.

Today I've had Kefir (500 cals) it's like yogurt basically and I drank the amount I did so it can get my insides moving. The sooner this BBQ and yesterday's food is out of me the better. I drank a ton of water to ease any water retention, and to top it all off I went and bought a bunch of watermelon. I'm thinking of doing a watermelon mono tomorrow. I'm also supposed to go to the gym tomorrow with my roommate so fat burning all around. Yeah I had a bad day but letting it wallow and fester into the next and make a bunch of bad days it's better for me to accept it and move on. Weight loss is all about knowing what works and what doesn't and avoiding binging.

I'm also not going to my friends birthday thing. A BBQ is a bad idea. A bunch of alcohol is a bad idea. And ew pictures.


Monday, May 26, 2014

Small Victory

Weigh in Day!!!!

That's like 5 pounds, not bad, I'll take it. Finally got under that damned 330. This week I think I'm gonna go even more hardcore, maybe toss in a few fasts. Mostly because I had bbq today. Nothing major considering most of it is just meat, but I need to keep the progress going and  even if this day doesn't really affect anything, making it up with a fast isn't going to hurt me.

I figured out how to weigh myself. No I didn't do it naked. But I weigh in a pair of short shorts and a tshirt. Just gotta listen in the hallway before I weigh so that no one sees me. Takes about a minute to weigh in so ehhh.  It works best when it's early and everyone is sleep. Which means I might be able to weigh daily once I get my new job. It starts at 8:30am which means I'll be up waaay before everyone else in the house.

Oh and I went to visit home yesterday, my parents said I look like I'm losing weight. Amazing what a difference in a week. Apparently I am human again and not a gelatinous blob. Yay. Jerks. But compliments are compliments.

Also my friend wants to have a birthday party on friday, a bbq and bar hopping. Never been bar hopping, but I think on thursday I'll go shopping for some nice clothes. Hell I should fast until friday and be as skinny as possible....we shall see. Maybe.

-New low weight
-Fasting tomorrow (liquid probably)
-Almost everyday weighing!!

Happy Memorial Day!!

Friday, May 23, 2014

Moar Money Plz

I forgot I was poor.
So very very poor.
My bank account cannot under any condition handle paying like $70 a week on food. Yes, I got skinnier. Yes, it's healthy. But gosh it will make me more broke than an ugly hooker. So I have to crawl back to restricting hardcore and counting all the calories than this wonderful week of healthy food merriment. Oh well.
On the brightside I just got a new job :) so I will have a bit more money soon and be able to work vegetables and fruit back into my diet.

Today was the transition with the remainder of my healthy food into my less than healthy alternatives. I didn't have much money left after the health food push so idk I got random things that were lowish in calories. I had watermelon for breakfast and lunch (200-300 cal) and I just had chicken alfredo for dinner (550). So my day total is 750-850 which is really good considering I'm not even hungry. I just hope nothing crazy happens with my body before monday because I NEED to see an amazing number. I know I've lost some weight because at 3:30am this morning I weighed myself in the hallway of the fraternity I'm in for the summer. I was 333.6 at night and in clothes which gives me hope for what i actually weigh. I'm gonna figure out a way to weigh in naked and in the daytime without people seeing me.

I haven't started working out yet because I am a sleepy lazy cat. Also someone just got robbed on campus so I am not too keen about walking around. *Shrug* I'll start floor exercises soon. Squats and..idk pushups and lunges and situps. I don't know haha.

Sam: Haha you should see my room for the summer. My clothes are just in bags and shoved into this tiny closet. I miss my normal dorm room soooooo badly. I can't find anything and it's so annoying. I think once I get skinny enough I'll just give all of these clothes away in one go and restart with a small reasonable amount of clothes! Yeah I was way easier on myself when I knew I wasn't eating crap food. When I ate watermelon earlier I didn't even look up calories until I was tallying for the day. But as soon as I break out pasta there were measuring cups and calculators. Odd thing.
Cursum Perficio: YES ALL THE VEGGIES!! (I wish I could afford them haha)

Scarlet :)

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Fruit and Salads and Water Oh My!

Weird things are happening.
I look skinny as hell. Like zero bloat, my stomach is flattish and my waist nips in wonderfully in this hourglass thing.
It's only been two days. 
Also yesterday I had a late night snack run with my boyfriend (had to go pick up my birth control) and I got pineapples, water, and some yogurt. And I was happy and satisfied to have them. This coming from the girl who keeps starbursts in business. I'm changing and it's lovely. :)

I was absolutely ravenous yesterday so I ate some more salad than usual. And I was panicking about it until my boyfriend made me realize I was fretting about salad. Actual healthy salad not a calorie bomb pretending to be salad. And since I look so small today I guess no harm no foul.

Today I had pineapple for breakfast, and a salad about an hour ago (3pm). I'll probably have another salad later and some more pineapple.

I want to use my scale so badly. Dammit the 26th can't come fast enough.
PSA: I cleaned up my email so people can email me now.

Sam: I have accepted my parents are crazy and mostly responsible for my ED issues. I feel like they have some of their own. My bf hasn't done anything but encourage me in all aspects of my life but they think he is a jinx. I know exactly what you mean about the small waist big hips thing. It's good and annoying at the same time. I also have my boobs the same size as my hips so on one hand if I wear form fitting things the shape is very attractive, if it's not form fitting I look like a brick. Try doing cardio maybe that will tone down the hips? haha large frame, ditto. Yeah 135 is my goal weight but I might look like a skeleton if I do that because my bones are huge. My collar bones are mildly visible even at the size I am now. Sigh.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

The Start


So today I started my new diet and it's working out so far. I had about 800 cals today max. I altered the rules of the diet a bit, but not drastically. I made a chicken waldorf salad from scratch today and it was amazing. As you know the dressing is nowhere near being a vinagrette, but the recipe I used was 365 cal a serving, with 4 servings. I added a bunch of mixed greens in and sectioned it into 5 servings. So maybe I cut it down to like 300cal a serving but just to be safe I'll use the facts I know lol. So around 6:30pm I had one serving and a granny smith apple, and then again at like 10:30pm (I woke up from a nap, no apple).

I was so sad earlier because the room I moved into for the summer has carpeted floors. CARPET. MOST UNEVEN SURFACE IN THE HISTORY OF SURFACES. My scale won't even register a reading. So I don't know what I weigh right now. I think last time I weighed in my old room was on saturday and I was 334. So I guess I'll go with that for my starting weight. I just started my period so idk but I'll be able to weigh myself again when the school gym opens up on the 26th. My goal is to see something dramatic by that time. I didn't work out today technically, but I did a lot of walking around.

I have the motivation of a million women right now though because I had the joy of going home on Sunday for my weekly dose of tearing down my self esteem and life choices. It was the same rhetoric, my parents still hate my boyfriend and think he has ruined my life. I have "pissed away" my phd, I am apparently ridiculously fat and look like I have gained 200lbs since I started grad school (even though I have only gained 100, still terrible but I mean really). Also when my boyfriend tells me I don't need makeup (not that I can't wear makeup, just that I don't need it to be pretty and if I don't feel like putting it on that's fine) he is lying to me. Also when he says I look fine the way I am (again, not that I can't lose weight, but if I don't want to I'm fine. But he supports whatever I wanna do) he is again lying and I look huge. According to them he just wants to make me look unattractive so people won't pursue me. Great. I guess they mean well, but god hearing all of that hurts. I like the fact that my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful, excuse me for enjoying being loved. So my goal has two parts: One I want to finally get skinny. The next one is that I wanna be skinny before they lose all their weight so I can be a complete bitch to them. Oh I forgot one part about the self esteem assassination mission: When they came to pick me up from campus they happened to pull up along side me from behind and my dad decided to do fake catcalls to me (you know like hey sexy or whatever), he thinks its funny as if I'm going to wonder who is catcalling me like I don't know his voice. The one he picked yesterday was "hey slim" and I felt really good about myself because I have been doing a ton of physical activity with all the moving and I haven't even been eating much so I thought I looked slimmer since I thought I have been seeing a bit of a difference. So when I got in the car I was all "you really think I'm getting slimmer?" and he was all "It was just a catcall like hey sexy or whatever. What, oh are you trying? Are you trying to lose weight?" I was crushed. All I talk about is losing weight. I told them I lost ten pounds like a few weeks ago (it was a lie but still). AM I TRYING? When am I not trying is a better question. So that happened. I wanna do the same thing to them when I am skinny. I didn't talk for the rest of the car ride and when he asked why I wasn't talking I said it was because I was thirsty. So he went to wendy's and I got a salad and a drink. My parents both got frostys. Then we went to walgreen's where I got nothing but my dad got two packets of cookies and my mom got a packet of cookies and two honey buns. Fat asses. They did all that fasting bullshit and now they are off of it and haven't stopped stuffing their faces since. But I'M the one not trying right. Whatever. So that is my fuel for this.

I will not be stopped.

I have to figure out working out, I'll probably just go for walks.  :)

Sam: Yeah it's a bit of a pickle but I'm gonna get through it.
Alia: Hey! Dude 120 doesn't seem crazy, my goal is 135 though I have no idea what I will look like at that weight but it's just at the threshold of underweight/normal weight. Sure we can help each other, do you have a blog? I have an email but it's full of spam and annoying people who want to interview "disordered girls" so I stopped checking it. Let me know :)


Tuesday, May 13, 2014


Hello Again.
I know I disappeared.
I'll admit I was really depressed, but thank you guys for all of your support. I shouldn't have disappeared this is not how I should cope with things. I just got a bit overwhelmed I guess. I had finals, I met with one of my professors who told me he doesn't have money either. If I can't get someone who will fund me I have to get a master's. Not terrible but not what I worked so hard for. I've just been very introspective lately and I got so caught up in my own head I didn't get to come over here and let you guys know what's up.
1) Final grades: 2 B, 1 A :)
2) No Prof yet, working on it.
3) Got a thing in the summer that will pay me 2 grand :)
4) No idea what my weight is
6) Moving into summer housing sooon, and cleaning.

I haven't been eating well. Too much. No idea what my weight is but I'm most likely up the four pounds I lost. BUT it's summer and I don't have anything to do. No excuses.

-Only fruits and veggies...mostly fruits like watermelon.
-No starch veggies. NONE.
-Allowed drinks: G2, Sugar Free red bull
-Exercise EVERYDAY. Any way.

So that is my summer plan. I stick to that day by day I will be skinny. I will take my multivitamins so I don't die and I should be fine. The plan will start when I get a fridge and finish moving. Which should be by Sunday at the latest which means I have a week to clean up my act a bit before I have to weigh in monday morning and begin. Super busy until then  so I will be back in a week my darlings. :)