Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Forget Me Nots

Hahaha, hello my lovelies!!!!! I am ├╝ber happy today!!!! So my fast is still going awesome, can't wait to weigh in tomorrow!! Though I know I haven't cut my cals as much as I'd like...but I am in the peaceful existence of not having to truly worry about what I eat. It's not like I'm going crazy with the liquids anyway!
My physical chem exam went okay...hoping for a B on it. It was a super hard exam though!! Gosh, no phase diagrams or graphs like she drilled us on, just the hard calculation shit. Gah, whatever. I do well on quizzes and homework for this very reason. I have enough points to balance out a less than ideal exam grade.
Soo yesterday went great! So you guys know how I was way pissed at A because he didn't friend me on FB a month ago when he said he would. And I could sit around and bitch and moan all semester OR I could do something about it and not be a wimp.
So yesterday we were walking after physics (oh yeah, we do that now) and before we were about part ways I took a chance:
"Oh wait, I've been meaning to ask you something."
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you friend me on facebook?"
He gave me a blank stare before answering, you know, like he had no idea what the hell I was talking about.
"Um, did you add me?"
"No, on your birthday you said you were going to look me up on facebook but you didn't and I was kind of like what the hell?"
"Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I just forgot!"
"Well I guess that's better than you just didn't do it."
"No, no, I'm sorry. Here I'll do it now. You were probably like oh this guy's a jerk, jerkface, big freakin' jerkface, why is he talking to me when he didn't even friend me on facebook!" Wow talk about self-inflict.
"Not really, okay, maybe a little." I said with a smile. A cracked up laughing while he pulled up FB on his Iphone.
"Um what's your name again? I'm sorry I'm just really bad at names, it's not you, I'm just really bad at names." Okay...
"Scarlet Mylastname"
"Okay, here you are and add...there we go." I whipped out my blackberry and accepted it right there.
Okay, I know he forgot my name, but now that I think about it, he has trouble remembering MF's name and they already know each other and have at least two classes together and they have the same major so I don't feel bad. I love how he was so apologetic and self-inflictish. Like he was really kicking himself for forgetting, which is right where I want him!!! Hahaha.
Comments!
AthANAsy(gosh I hope I got that right): hahaha, you can totally get one!!! I mean, they're $200 but completely worth it!!!
M-ilie: oh I deff know what I put in everything. I can make 60oz of smoothie for like 500cals max. For the whole thing. Ridiculous!
Off to catch up on blogs! And study for my physics exam that's tomorrow!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3

Monday, March 29, 2010

Eeeeeee!!!! I Think I'm Excited.

Omg! I am really happy because on saturday my fam bought this HealthMaster emulsifier. This is more than a blender my dears. In the past two days I have made veggie/fruit smoothies, and hot freakin soup!!!!!!! Yowza I am totes gonna make this fast with this thing around. No more: woe is me for soup I haveth not.
Now: oh, only veggies layeth about, then I shalt emulsify them into a fulfilling soup that shalt not get betwixt me and my skinny jeans.
Hahaha, I'm in a silly happy mood. Anyway, the point is I can stick to my guns and get skinny!!! I'm gonna weigh in on thursday because technically speaking that'll be me fasting for a week, and then only two weeks from that, it'll be APRIL 15!!!! Eep! Hopefully my number will be good!
Today the plan is more working and studying. Damn you semester, hurry up and end!
Comments!
WannaBskinny, M-ilie, and Z., thank you guys so much for all the support and encouragement you guys give me, it keeps me so motivated! Anytime I feel like breaking down or giving up I think of you guys and I wanna make you guys proud, so I stay strong and move on!!!!!<3<3<3 *and hugs*
XOXO,
Scarlet<3

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dissapearing Acts

I feel as if I am fading away, slowly. Everyday I fast I lose another bit of me, and I put the energy towards other parts of my life: my schoolwork, catching up with my friends, deciding how to deal with the boys in my life. Strip it away, use it up.
I am looking slimmer now, pretty sure I've dropped at least 3 lbs (though I haven't checked). I'm gonna weigh in on wednesday to get my weekly total weight loss. Then I'll be able to adjust my liquids and such to be able to make my goal! Hmm, feeling pretty lowkey today. I'm happy, but pretty under the radar. It's probably because I've been working so hard studying and doing homework. I have two homeworks due monday, three homeworks and an exam on tuesday, and a quiz and an exam on thursday. God help me. this isn't even finals so I should stop complaining, but idk, I like to whine about school! It's funny, I can't wait for the semester to end, but by june I'll be missing it again. But I'm gonna learn how to drive this summer and try to get a job at the school library. So I should be busy busy busy!! Hahaha.
Comments!
WannaBskinny: aww thanks so much babe!!!!! *hugs*
M-ilie: I think it's awesome you started a blog and I think you're doing awesome so far!! Also I hope I pick the right one between A and SC too!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ping-Pong

Hey guys, I'm doing so well today!!!! It's 10pm and I am going strong!!!! And I will keep going!! Only soymilk, fruit juice, and soup today!
Um, so my day has been, how to say this...interesting. So you know I planned to talk to SC. But that didn't really happen. I didn't get to talk to him in class even though he was practically right behind me. I wound up talking to A and J. Then I wound up leaving with A, that is until he realized he might be having a "moment" with me and suddenly had to go to some random building on campus. Whatever. Then lab rolled around and I wound up sitting there by myself talking to the TA because I showed up so early. Okay. Then lab started and SC was late and MF was on a plane to St. Louis. So A had no partner and my partner was crazy late. Guess who wound up being my lab partner today?? Yep, me and A together for the second time today. Ridiculous. Then SC shows up and partners with us. Awesome. But then this ditzy skinny girl shows up late too and her lab partner isn't coming. So before anyone can say anything guess who VOLUNTEERS to be her lab partner? SC. Damn it all to hell. Then this Indian guy doesn't have a lab partner either so he pairs with them too. Three pretty people all in one group. Why God, Why?
But it was kinda nice with A. We were so close to each other during practically the entire lab (it was capacitors and wires and breadboard circuits) and his arms were so warm. I have this thing about warm skin on guys: I love it, I just get all excited and it feels like I've got electricity running through me and I never want it stop!!! So yeah that was awesome and he was being normal. We were cracking jokes and since A wants to be a surgeon so I let him do all the breadboards and it was hilarious to hear him cursing at the wires that didn't want to go in:" get in there god damnit!" Hahahaha. Then he's all, sorry I swear a lot. And I was like, eh, you're only a little worse than me.
Oh I thought you were homeschooled where'd you learn to curse?
From my friends...who curse a lot.
It was like that really nice and easy. Then when we left lab, my dad hadn't shown up yet to pick me up so I was going to have to wait in the vestivue (don't know how to spell it). A was totally leaving me and Idk why, but the words flew outta my mouth before I thought about it:
"Oh you're just gonna leave me here to wait by myself, that's lame"
He halted at the door and turned around and looked at me, a tad shocked.
"Well, I could wait here with you, if you want."
"Yeah, that'd be cool." So we sat and talked. He was asking me why I still lived at home and not at the dorms. He was all "I mean, you're probably older than me, why not?" Ouch!! I laughed it off.
"Eh, they say I'm not old enough, and I'm not older than you." I said without thinking.
"Really, cause I'm nineteen." Liar.
"Yeah I'm younger than you."
"Oh what if I was sixteen, are you younger than me now?" He says jokingly as if it's out the realm of possibility. Getting warmer my boy.
"Haha, no, older than that."
"How old are you?"
"Seventeen." Damn my mouth! His eyes got wide as saucers.
"Seriously? What are you some sort of child prodigy?"
"Some people say that."
"So what are you a sophomore?"
"No, I'm a third-year."
"You're a fucking third year?" Oh it was funny. Then my dad showed up and I was all: "you're like the only person on campus who knows how old I am, apart from my four friends from my old school, so please don't go telling everybody, okay?"
"Oh, oh, all right." He says distractedly, trying to wrap his mind around it. I shouldn't have shocked him like that. Oops. Oh well, maybe he'll stop acting so weird now. I hope so anyway.
I'm starting to feel like a ping pong ball, bouncing between two boys. A, when he's not acting weird is adorable. SC, when he's around, or in some setting to talk, is really sweet too. But what about me?!? The semester is gonna end soon! Make up your damned minds! Boys, you gotta love em, but somehow hate them at the same time. Ridiculous.
Comments!
SkinnyBusiness, GTMS-Becca, WannaBskinny, thank you so much for your support on the last post, and expressing your like of the ten random things!!!! Maybe I can add: I beat obesity and I picked between A and SC, sometime!
Arianna: I'm glad you like my letter to food!!! Haha.
Okay guys, I am off to go starve and sort my life out the rest of the way!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

For Better Or Worse

I always wondered why the hell that was put into wedding vows. I mean, I knew why, but I didn't get how it could really seem that bad when you're with the one you love. But now, now I get it very clearly.
I was doing so well today you guys! Only 580 cals by 7pm. It was great. Then my dad wants to get some collard greens at this vegetarian place. It's heaven for a vegan, but total hell for me. So I said I wasn't going. He's all, I hate to eat alone, blah, blah, blah. I said no, so he's leaving without me. Then before he totally leaves he says magic words: I'll get you soy ice cream. That's still on your fast right?
Damn. Soy ice cream at this place has the consistency of soft serve yogurt, which means, yeah I could eat it. So I go. He doesn't even order greens. He gets this stir fry veggies dish with veggies and tofu and brown rice goodness. Then he gets the veggie noodle soup and a piece of cornbread. My strength was waivering quickly and fleeing me. I just sat there, eating the ice cream while he eats. Then he claims he doesn't like the soup, do I want it. I tasted the broth. I was soooo good. I figured I could just sip out the broth and leave the noodles. But what's this? He leaves the cornbread on the plate. Oh I don't want the cornbread, I say meekly. Don't eat it then he says. Before I know it everything is gone and I am splitting a lemon cake with him. My brain is screaming at me: what the hell are you doing!?! What about the fast!!! What about the people who are counting on you!!!!
I ignored it. That is, until I got to the car and the gravity of it hit me hard: I failed. I let food win. I'm a bitchass. Then I looked at the clock. If I could get home within twenty minutes I could purge it. My house is two blocks from the restaurant so I think I am homefree. Then my mom calls. And I love her so very very much and she works the night shift (not overnight) so she calls at her lunchbreak. I cut my dear mother short proclaiming I had to, ahem, use the bathroom. I sped into the house and put up the dire perishables (yeah we went grocery shopping, I bought a bunch of soup and such), I grabbed a seltzer water and I ran upstairs. I downed the fizzy water and purged like hell. I could tell what was coming up by the taste: salty and sweet, that must be the cake and the soup, then total sweet, which was the ice cream. I stopped after that, satisfied I'd reversed the damage. I know I said I wasn't gonna purge again, but gosh it's hard. So my one month streak is over. Hopefully it'll be worth it. The scale had better drop.
Man, it's a shame, I am a pretty, smart, witty, and lovable girl with a small part of her broken. I have to say I mostly blame my dad for today though. He had a slice of pizza earlier and I was ragging on him about it. He fires back that I had a gump (whatever the hell that is) of my mom's pizza a week ago so I'm just as bad. I proclaim I only ate one mushroom off of it (literally, I did) and he says it doesn't matter I still broke down. He doesn't mean it maliciously, he just doesn't know about my problems. He then goes on to lament about my other past food transgressions that were "worse" than his pizza. So yeah, I was feeling guilty all day even though I hadn't done anything. So when I did do something, I went overboard with the guilt factor and purged.
You know it's kinda funny that even if I got involved with someone (like SC) they would probably never know and they'd never guess it because I'm always upbeat and positive. Not exactly someone you would finger for having an ED.
No worries though, today is behind me and I will keep trekking on. I will fast tomorrow and all the other days until then. I will remember tonite and not want to repeat it. And when I say I'm not going in a damned restaurant, I'm not going in the restaurant. I will be strong and keep fighting.
Comments!
M-ilie: aww thanks for the support babe, yeah when you're around people it is hard to fast (I should know). It would be awesome for you to start a blog!! You don't have to do anything special to have a good blog, just be honest and be yourself and it'll turn out great. Having a blog has motivated me more, I mean I'm more likely to complete things I plan when I tell you guys, or some sort of make up like a fasting day. Good luck!! <3
GTMS-Becca: yeah, I'm pretty sure adam would have a major fit if you did a long fast!! But thanks for being supportive!!
WannaBskinny: monday is great for you to jump in. I'm pretty sure we'll be able to motivate each other better because I'll defo be in the swing of things by then!
I will be so strong girls, but I'm just gonna do it and stop blabbing on about it so much. In the words of the tagline for the movie kick-ass says:
Shut up, kick ass!
Hahahaha!!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3
PS: almost forgot I promised becca I would write some random things about me:
1) I am teaching myself to write with my left hand for the heck of it.
2)I have written two novels. Teen lit
3)When I was young I was obsessed with the spice girls
4)I am addicted to marshmallows and avoid them at all costs!!!!
5) On my birthdays I wind up eating about a half of the cake!
6) I have regular dreams of making out with whoever I am crushing on (rite now sleep is VERY nice)
7) I tell my dog all of my secrets!
8) I am obsessed with Japan!!!
9) I will go to school unless I am unable to move.
10) My little cousin (he's ten) has a crush on me and I pretend I don't notice!
Okay ten very random things about me!!! <3

Rules Of Engagement

Hey guys!
So I am doing well with my fast so far, I haven't had anything!!! Not even water (even though I should). My stomach is empty and I can feel it pulsing lightly. Looking for something not there eh?
I am so excited that we have a little fasting group now!!!
Me, SkinnyBusiness, and WannaBskinny!! Woo, we can do it!
Okay so WannaBskinny was wondering about the rules of the fast, so I thought about and here they are:
1) Max of 600 cals a day, unless you have a crisis on your hands in which case you can go to 800 cals. But this is in a crisis only. Like if you're somehow trapped at a restaurant and claim you aren't hungry but you still have to get a drink. 500 cals and under is absolutely GOLDEN though!!!
2) Most any liquid is not off limits, except anything with high fructose corn syrup or any kind of "modified" additives (they'll have in the name. Like "modified corn starch), just because those things are horrible for you. I won't ban diet sodas, but I should warn you aspartame, sacchrine, splenda, and the like have been shown to cause your body to crave sugar, and it also highly affects your capacity to remember things. So drink at your own risk.
3) Yogurt is allowed, because it's pretty much a liquid. I don't eat yogurt personally (I'm almost vegan now) but I know some of you have it as a bit of a staple so I thought I'd let you know!
4) Smoothies are allowed!!!!!
5) Exercise is not required, but try to get more active!! Every calorie burned helps!!
So those are the rules, and if you think they're lenient, keep in mind we are going for 21 days. It's like a race, you have to pace yourself so we can finish and feel successful and victorious!!!!
School went well, no SC, but I'll see him twice tomorrow! So no worries. And Becca, I will definetly "flirt flirt flirt!" Haha, love you babe.
SkinnyBusiness and WannaBskinny, I love you guys too and we're gonna do it!!!!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3
PS: anyone who wants to jump on the fasting train feel free to come on board anytime!!!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's Not Me, It's You (or is it the other way around?)

Dear food,
I hate you. You disgust me. Even when I don't give into you and am very controlled, I hate that I have to think about you. Every. Single. Second. Will you make me gain? Can I have you? I'm so sorry but not really, I think you need to find someone else to annoy.
May many curses fall upon you and may you rot in hell,
Scarlet

Back to your regulary scheduled blog.

I am done with food. Seriously. I did so well today. The only solid was a kashi golean bar and some random samples. Everything else was liquid, which was just some carrot/veggie juice and a smoothie. I didn't even start eating till like 4:30pm. And yet here I am, wondering. Did I eat little enough? Will I lose weight?? I am sooo done with this shit. I am officially liquid fasting until further notice. If I am too bitchass to do that for a while then I deserve to have food riding my brain like a giddy up horse. I like the carefree existence I have with liquid fasting, and BONUS, I don't have to worry about passing out in front of someone (though I've never passed out in my life and have no idea what the warning signs are). So that's the plan. I must be under 200 lbs. I keep pushing back the deadline yet never moving towards it. Something must change. It is almost APRIL. I was supposed to be 195 by the start of MARCH! I must lose, and soon! My first goal is under 210. Then it's all single digits to get below 200. This must be done by APRIL 15. Hold me to it. If you ever hear so much as a waivering in my voice remind me. That gives me 21 days. Three weeks. Gotta lose like 20 lbs (or less, haven't weighed myself yet, probably won't though, don't have the mindset). I will do this. If you wanna join in let me know! We can form a big network!!!! Liquids for 21 days!!!
In other news, I didn't get to see SC today. He didn't show up to class. *tears* also, I didn't get him a gift because technically I'm not supposed to know his bday. That info was courtesy of google (he has a VERY unusual name. Nice, but unusual). So I was going to nicely lure it outta him. It's okay, I might see him tomorrow and I know I'll see him thursday in physics class and lab.
Speaking of physics lab, I have arrived at a very strange conclusion: my TA has a crush on me. Now, this has been rolling around in my head for a minute because he's always teasing me. Like playfully. Oh physics is the central science, not chemistry, he tells SC (because SC is thinking of changing his major from physics, but NOT to chemistry so the comment made no sense except to me, the chemical engineering major). Then on thursday I turned in my quiz at recitation and sat back in my seat. At recitation after the quiz you can leave, unless you want to see the solution and ask questions.
"Oh you're staying? You're not absolutely positive you got everything right?" He asks a tad mockingly. I half roll my eyes.
"No it's not that, it's just that I don't have anywhere to go right now." Burn! He eases into the back of his chair.
"Oh, well, you could always stay and help me study for my qualifiers." His qualifiers were friday and he had his flash cards or whatever, but this is for him to graduate with a MASTER's DEGREE in physics. I am in an undergraduate physics 2. Are you kidding me!?! It was funny too because I think SC kinda looked at the TA weird at that comment. Yay, he cares when the 24 year old TA is nonchalantly hitting on me! The hilarious thing though is that the TA doesn't know I'm 17!!! (Neither does SC, he just knows I'm a third year. But hopefully one day he'll ask so I won't look like a cougar!!! Rawr!)Hahahahahaha
"No I'll have something to do by then." I reply smoothly. Yeah, like talking to SC. Also, my TA looks like a who. You know like as in Whoville? Yeah, so that was never going to fly. Not even if I was still 270 and especially not when I'm 220.
Anyway...I am so happy with you guys!!!! I mean wow, it's awesome to have so much support and love going around. M-ilie, Mina Belle, Charlie, Emily, SkinnyBusiness, and Bl33ding Truth (aka Secret), I love you all so much and you are the greatest thing since the digital scale. Haha. <3<3<3<3<3<3 (one big hug for each!!!)
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Monday, March 22, 2010

Mondays Are Not The Worst Day In The Week!

Today was pretty awesome, but let me outline my weekend first.
Saturday... Well I did kinda ok. I was fasting, but then at the end of the night my parents went to panda express. Call the police, we've got a liquid fast homicide and the perps are chow mein, honey walnut shrimp, and kung pao shrimp. Oh and a not so innocent fortune cookie. At least I knew the shrimp dishes were under 250cals a piece. The chow mein is anyone's guess. That was after I had gone shopping though for new cloths!!!! I shop at this pretty cool thrift store and last time I was there was, idk august before I went into the fall semester. I remember hoping that the 16s would fit and that practically all of those and half of the 18s wouldn't go over my ass or close at the waist. This time around though? All of the 16s fit. Every single one. It was just a matter of deciding which ones looked best on me. I think I have left the land of fat. Like, I still need to lose weight definetly, but you know you've left the land of fat when you have to wear more form fitting cloths to look good, rather than flail in baggyish cloths. So I have left the land of fat. Most of my clothes show off my figure and I don't look like a tub o lard. I took pics of myself before I left for the party on friday, so I may upload them later. I am so happy though!!!
I wasn't so happy on sunday morning when the scale slapped me with a 223.6 lbs reading. Damn you panda express!!!! So I liquid fasted and today I am at a svelte 220.0. So net loss of a pound this week thanks to that damned food. But no worries, my new plan is mostly liquid and minor solids. Like today, I had a banana, and some liquids, and for dinner it'll probably be, idk one wrap or something. Literally just that. Every solid must be light in weight as to not have it stick around. I have noticed that even if something is low cal, if it weighs a lot I still manage to gain weight!?!
Anywho, onto today!!! I went to class and I talked to M, but I was just waiting for my mom to pick me up. I was talking to my mom on the phone when I turn around and right there, across the room, is SC. Eating a sandwich. About fifteen feet away and he didn't see me. I got off the phone so fast it was ridiculous. I straightened my hair, fixed my shirt and walked on over.
"Hey," I said. SC looked up and smiled (woo!) And moved his stuff over so I could sit down (it wasn't right next to him, you know the seats are detached or whatever, but think chair that was next to him, but then got rotated by 90 degrees.) He was wearing that blue shirt that brings out his skin tone (he's got an olive complexion), and eating a pb and j sandwich. But then, since the sun was shining on him (back off mother nature, he's mine!) I noticed something new: his eyes. Godhelpmeinheavenohsweetlord!!!! They're a smooth liquid amber. Shining and inviting. I almost got angry at him because I'm like: as gorgeous as you are and on top of all of that you have the nerve to have mesmerizing amber eyes???? Damn you!!! It's just ridiculous. We talked about normal stuff, like he's thinking of changing his major from physics to applied mathematics with a minor in social science. And how I'm done with all math (hahahaha) and social science (hahaha), and soon, physics (yay!!!)
I also realized this morning that tomorrow is his bday, so I will be looking really good!!! My hair is geting redone today so I will be a vision!!!! SC is gorgeous, but I'm not too far behind him. I know I'm overweight, but everyone will tell you I'm pretty. Not to be vain, just the truth.
Haha, I got to see SC today, and I'll see him tomorrow and I'll see him thursday afternoon and thursday night!! Ah, heaven.
Comments!
GTMS-Becca: oh I know!! The red monster is totally evil and I am absolutely dreading it. Positivity is the key to success!!! As a La Roux song says: "my reflections are protections, they will keep me from destruction" if I reflect positivity, I can have it, I can keep trying and even if I don't make it the way I wanted to, if I take two steps forward and one step back I am still closer than I was!
M-ilie: it's so true, being asked your name by a random guy is empowering because it means that he just couldn't go without knowing your name at the very least!!! Woot!
Jen: wow, you guys read american poets over there!!! I'm kinda surprised because you have so many exemplary british poets I didn't think you'd get to us! Also, SC IS HOT!!! I hope this additional info gives you an even better image! And I am totally going to use him to empower my controllagness!!!! Hahaha xxxoooo
Hello new followers!!!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3 (oooh I just realized my name starts with Sc! Is it a sign!?! Lol, kidding. I'm a nerd sometimes, so please excuse my digressions!haha)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Sexy Bitch

That was the last song I heard before I left the party! Haha, love it.
Hello my sweet lovelys, sorry to make you wait so late for this post. Anyway, I have been kinda bad with food lately, including today (sorry jen, didn't quite make it through the fast) but I am fasting tomorrow and sunday if I can get away with it. So that's that.
Now, about thursday!!! SC is back!!!! Idk why he wasn't there on tuesday, but I do know he lost his wallet his first day down there at daytona beach during spring break, so I am guessing that could contribute to the reason. Anyway, I talked to him after physics recitation and was doing really well considering I was thisclose to swallowing my tongue when I saw him walk into class. God he looks amazing with a tan, as if it were possible for him to look better. Oh, that boy is gonna be the end of me if he keeps it up. It was cool talking to him because most of the time we talk about nothing. Like we talk about stuff but it's like the conversation version of seinfield: something is going on sure, but it's essentially about nothing! Hahaha. It was nice though because he took the long way to the back door when we were right there by the front door and he was going that way anyway, but for *some reason* he walked with me to the back door where I normally get picked up by my dad. Hmm...I also indirectly invited him to this late nite function the school was having. It went from 10p-2a, and SC said he would go even though he had to be at the gym for training at 7am the next morning!!!
This takes me to tonight, when I went to the party. Okay, I go to a tech school, soo our parties aren't great. This was no exception. I showed up at 10:30 and was waay dissapointed. And I didn't see SC. Which doesn't mean he didn't show, it just means he probably left, something I would have done if my ride hadn't left me until 1am as I requested. But I moseyed around until midnight when I went into the dancehall, which was surprisingly fun!!! Also, a guy asked me my name which was pretty awesome. I was one hot little number and it was nice to be noticed!
Anyway...comments!
M-ilie: aww thanks hun!! I hope I make it too, thanks for the encouragement!
GTMS-Becca: oh man, well at least we were in the same state! Hahaha, don't get mad, get even!!!
Jenny: ah, my love, one of my favorite emily dickinson poems says:
If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain, If I can ease one life the aching, or cool one pain, If I can help a fainting robin unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.
She forgot one line though:
If I can put one smile on jen's face, I shall not live in vain.
You can count on me anytime babe. Also, I am looking forward to that picture!!! Xxxooo
Hello new followers!!!
Okay, I'm so tired I'm about to spontaneously sleep. It's 3 am and I am going to bed. G'night, cheers!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility!

Omg, I think I just outed myself as a spiderman nerd. Hahaha.
Hello my lovelys, I am in a very, very good mood today!!!! Monday I liquid fasted (as promised) and stayed under 600 cals (as promised)! Tuesday, was not a liquid fast, and it was a few more cals (around 840) but somehow, I am very proud of it! Okay here's the deal: I had a luna bar, two suckers, and like a smoothie, and some grapefruit juice. Literally that was it. I was so surprised at the end of the day because it was so little to actually eat!!! And I didn't start eating until 4pm!!! OMG!!!! I didn't even try to "resist" food. It was just at the end of the day, somehow, that was all I wound up with. I'm finally changing! My habits are finally becoming habits!!! Yayers!!! (Omg, nerd!)
And I weighed in today, so let's see the stats:
Monday: 220.8 lbs
Wednesday: 217.6 lbs
Yes you read that right. I have lost 3.2 lbs. So weekly minimum has been achieved, and the big brass ring ( 5 and up) is in my sights. I am not making any predictions (murphy's law), but I am hoping that the week ends well.
On to the personal life!
I didn't see SC yesterday. He didn't show up to class. Idk why. Hopefully I'll see him tomorrow! I did see and talk to A and J yesterday though and I did something highly empowering: I did what I wanted to do. Let me explain. As you know J went to the black eyed peas concert and I wanted to ask him about it. So after physics I went over to talk. J happens to sit next to A so I wound up talking to him too. At first it was the usual stuff: how was your spring break, whatcha doing this week, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then A is all "well I've gotta go," once again rushing off (to his class or whatever). Not that I cared because he's still acting all weird in conversations with me. So J says "okay man, see ya" and I was one beat behind J with my "okay see you thursday bye." Because I still wanted to ask J about the concert. I guess A thought I was going to walk out with him (granted I had my coat on and backpack all packed up), because the look on his face was that of surprise and maybe a bit of confusion before he straightened it, smiled and said "oh okay, bye." Interesting? For sure. Now if A likes me, and is just one of those guys who has the damnest time showing it, the past few events have not been good for him. His bff wound up inadvertantly pairing SC and I up as lab partners (thank you!) And I just picked talking to J over continuing some walking out the door convo with A. Wow, sucks to be A! I on the other hand feel amazing!!! Not that I was out to confuse or bewilder the poor guy, but it felt nice to be the confuser rather than the confused. This is what it feels like A. This is what it feels like when people do something completely different than what you expected. Ha.
Apart from that, I have something totally crazy to tell you guys. I was reading my march issue of seventeen again and I happened to read the horoscope for scorpio. It said that I would meet a great new guy on march 4. I know it's march 17 today, but I checked the calendar to see if anything happened on the 4th, maybe something I'd missed. Turned out something did happen: march 4 was the day I became lab partners with SC. I was like, wild cherry schapps!!!! (Yes, the flavors get more exotic the happier I am.) I couldn't believe it but it's true: I was destined to be closer to SC. Thank you God in heaven.
So, the plan today is 600 cals (I've only had 160 so far and I am saving the rest for dinner, which I'll have around 5:30pm.) And finishing most of my lab report, and studying for my humanities midterm that's tomorrow.
Comments!
M-ilie: omg, that's so weird that happened to me too!!! My dad was going to get tickets for the BEP show over here but they were sold out and the brokers were charging crazy amounts for tickets so we didn't go! Strange.
GTMS-Becca: yep I was down there in tulsa like a month ago. So if you're over there then we might have seen each other!!!!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Monday, March 15, 2010

Rock That Body

I loooove that song by the black eyed peas. My favorite line? : "yeah you could be the model type, skinny wit no appetite" ha!!
So, I weighed in today and I am 220.8 lbs. I mean, it's not what I was hoping for, but it's pretty good considering my oklahoma trip, and the subsequent buffet, and other stuffageness that followed. But it will go no higher!! I am liquid fasting today with Jen, mostly because I haven't quite figured out my automated plan yet, and when in doubt, don't eat. It's just the safest move!
So far I have decided that I won't go over 600 cals a day, no matter what the hell I'm doing. Liquid fast or food, do not go over 600 cals. Also, if I make it to 7pm without food, I am obligated to complete the day without food, because it's kind of backwards to go that long w/o food and then eat.
Also, I have discovered this really nice herb called gymnema sylvestre. The thing is, I can want to stop at a cup of fruit juice or one hot chocolate or that one piece of whatever, and then it just doesn't happen. What can I say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. However, this herb, if you drink a tea (which tastes a bit gnarly), or just roll a few leaves on your tongue for a minute (much better!) It will temporarily disable your sweet receptors on your tongue. I am not kidding. If you do this you could eat a handful of sugar and it will not taste sweet AT ALL. It'll just taste like tasteless crystals. Oh, in the middle of or about to start a binge? Do this and everything will taste off (or downright nasty) for at least 2 hours. So that's now apart of my plan.
That's the prototype of my plan and i'll fine tune it today and tomorrow and then come back with the full thing.
I am going to aim for 5 lbs (with mina belle) and no less than 3 (with skinnybusiness). However, I can't do anything crazy drastic that'll send me to bingeland. So nooo long-term (more than two days) fasts. At all. Ha, I have to deny myself fasting. Boy have I changed!! Anyway, that's the deal so far.
I am super pissed off today because I got my fluid mechanics exam back and I got a fuckin C on it. A C!!!! No offense to anyone, but I don't get C's. EVER. And what really burns my socks is that I could've gotten an A!! I just didn't pay attention and read some questions wrong. But it's okay, I'm still averaging a 90 for the class (literally, 90 on the nose. One more fuck up and I'm done for), and next exam I'll get a high grade and that'll replace this grade. But oh it kills me!!!
Tomorrow I see SC!! Woo!! And I'll look so thin from this liquid fast!!! Yay!!!
Okay, I'm off to do some homework and go kick something for my fucked up exam grade.
Mina Belle and Skinnybusiness: that you so much for helping me out with my plan. I think you guys are awesome!!<3<3
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Scared

I decided to end my fast this morning instead of tonight. I've been noticing it gets increasingly difficult to keep fasting (or to restart fasting) as the days wear on. Sooo, yeah, not going to do that five day a week fasting. Now I don't know what to do though!!! I want to restrict, but I kind of suck at it. I think I'm going to sit down and plan wth I'm going to do: I must automate myself! So I'm going to inventory my house and decide what to eat everyday. And then I'm getting some money soon via my parent's tax return (woo!) So I'll buy healthy food. But I'm so scared. I see all of these other people losing weight while eating a TON of stuff! Like seriously I read these diet books (some of which don't require exercise!!) And people lose like two pounds a week! (Well, honestly I could do that too but I'm impaitient) wait, I have a question for you guys: should I just calm down and aim for 2-3 pounds a week? Stop going for like 5-7 and then binging myself crazy, gain half of it back and then spend the next week losing that, which still puts me at 2-3 pounds a week? Actually, after seeing it written out like that I have no idea why I'm asking when the answer is OBVIOUS! I mean, the second way is more entertaining, but I get the distinct feeling that I don't need a ton of drama in my life right now.
So this weekend I plan my automated plan and monday I weigh in.
On the personal life front: SM is back. For now anyway. SM is that guy I said I had a crush on when I was 14 (and 15 for that matter) and was ten years older than me. The one that's (still!) Dating my ex-bff (she hates me now, no idea why though).
So you guys know I turn eighteen in november, but apparently SM has been keeping track because he popped up like fuckin' toast yesterday. Let me explain: SM and I used to be so close. Lunch everyday four times a week for a whole semester and we had two classes together, and even after he went to a new school, he would come around the old school occasionally (it was a college) and I would have a knack for running into him. He thought I was awesome and wished he could find a girl like me, and well, I just wanted him. But then things got weird about a year after he left. LT (the gf) blocked me from her myspace. We used to be close too, but not as close as me and SM. Anyway, she blocked me, so I deleted her, and SM became a freaking ghost man. I would comment on his page and all I got was military silence. I would get pissed and not talk to him, but then he would do something random like wish me happy birthday. or ask me how I'm doing like four months after I'd messaged him. It was strange. Later we became friends on FB (he didn't accept the friend request for like two months! But he didn't just say ignore??) And then silence. Then he pops up and is suddenly asking me what I'm up to and talking. I'm just like wtf?!? He's still with LT and they're still very together so I have no idea what's going on. If he asks me out after I turn eighteen I think I will ptfo. Because well, I'd be kinda romantic that he was waiting four years to ask me out. But whatever. Its not like I'm forgetting about who I like (SC) just because SM is coming around. Que sera, sera: whatever will be, will be.
Speaking of SC, I really miss him. It's been idk, 9 days since I've seen him and I just can't wait to see him on tuesday. I mean, I really want to like talk to him and stuff (which I can totally do after class because unlike A, who zooms outta class, SC actually takes forever to put his stuff up).
Also, my parents and I went out yesterday to that vietnamese restaurant and they got seafood noodle soup. I could've gotten a soup. Even veggie soup. No one would've said a word. But I didn't. I got a smoothie, a yogurt, and a grape juice. Yay!! Just wanted to share that. I know this is an all over the place post, but my life has been all over the place!!! Haha.
Comments!
Jen: we are wayyy too much alike. Seriously. <3
FadingStrong: trust me, the love of feeling hungry comes back easily! Sometimes I think it seduces us. Haha. We will deff do this together!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wednesday Was A Wash But Today I Am Clean!

Sooo, I wound up eating yesterday. It was painful for me too because I'd just about made it through the fourth day. I ate some curry tofu salad, and some grapes, and a banana. Then later (we were out late) I had some pop chips and a luna bar. So for solids, not over 900 probably. I actually forced the pop chips on myself because I wanted to induce guilt. If it had just been the other stuff without the chips, I might have just seen it as a blip, something acceptable, something I can ignore. However, when I regard something as a blip, it normally happens again and a bit more. Next thing I know I'll be eating full force so I can't let that happen. Another problem I've had in the past was that after a fail I would just say: "oh well, that's over, gonna go back to restricting". And I never do the restriction right and gain the weight back. But not this time. This time, it was a big fail, but I'm still going. Why stop? I can deff burn off anything I ate with three more days of fasting and exercise! I might even wind up lighter. So zat, my lovelys, is ze plan.
Anyway...only one interesting thing has happened to me since yesterday. Well, a few things. First, I got bras!!! Woot! Okay, okay, maybe this isn't that exciting, but it's a big deal for me. I have big boobs and if I don't get new bras, they turn into saggy big boobs. So now I look like jane mansfield or mae west! Yay! This means, in short: I look hot. Also, I got this super sweet pair of converses. I love them!! I can lace them all the way up to mid calf or I can roll them down and show the pink plaid inside!!! They are really cute!!! Oh and I got a plaid umbrella to match said shoes.
Um, I had some communication with JJ finally. JJ is a guy I've known since I was like idk, 6 or 7. We used to hate each other. I totally beat the crap out of him once when we were 8, and non-severly injured him numerous times over the years. We even used to be homeschooled together! But then we grew up and lost touch. I got fat and he, well, he's a model now (so he says. I haven't seen any posters). But we're friends on facebook and never talk. I sent him a message once to see how he's been and he never answered. So I gave up. Not that I have a crush on him or anything, it's just, I couldn't believe all those years went out the window!! But I've upgraded my pics with my vacay photos from oklahoma, and then I commented on his status because he quoted that movie remember me: our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch. But he actually commented back! I was shocked. I mean it was short but it's better than nothing so I guess that's pretty interesting.
Comments from the cool people!
GTMS-Becca: aww thanks babe, positivity is the key to success!!! Anger just makes you depressed and give up! Never give up!!! Haha my aunt was totally jealous! :)
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Confessions Of A Starvaholic

I think I am really starting to get into this big time. Like I love that I'm losing weight, but it's also that high you get when you can say I haven't eaten anything since SUNDAY! It's funny, my mom said she was going to be on a liquid fast all week too right, she started yesterday and I'm telling you by the time she left for work she had eaten a banana! Hahahahaha. I think she should stick to losing weight the regular way.
Anyway, my fast is going great and I am getting skinny(er)!!!! Yay! I worked out yesterday (finally). I did 30mins of sculpting and 30 mins on my elliptical. I was absolutely pouring sweat. I felt so good though, like I'd conquered the world. I know my fast technically ends on saturday night at 10pm, but I really like the way I feel. The carefreeness I have. I haven't even been counting cals (even though there isn't any high cal stuff around, and I don't drink pop ever anyway), okay maybe a little bit, but I haven't been going over maybe 850-900. So I've been doing well. I know I'm going to have a great number on monday when I weigh myself. I think I'm going to make this a regular occurence though. Like liquid fast M-F every week. And eat light on saturday and sunday. It's funny, my parents know I'm on a fast but they want to go out to eat on saturday, but idc, I'm not eating that crap. My mom thinks that going to this vietnamese noodle soup place is a good idea. And I said, I'll drink the broth, but I'm not eating the noodles. She was all: "give them to me!" I was like omg are you serious. My parents haven't realized that noodles are like pasta's little sib. But whatever, they never listen to me anyway, they think I'm crazy.
I'm at my aunt's house right now, typing on my phone, sitting next to a reasonably full box of cheetos. Oh the irony! Btw, my aunt said nothing even though I am at least fifty pounds lighter and she is at least thirty pounds heavier.
I'm craving a smoothie right now. Hopefully I can score one before we go home. Oh god, I'm a goner. I'm dreaming about a smoothie. And I LOVE it!!!!!!!
Comments!
Jen: oh, you're a lot like me. Scars don't heal easy. I have marks all over my legs from a few summers ago when these biting like flies were everywhere around my city (there's a very famous university in my city that's always doing experiments so things like this pop up. One year we had a ladybug/beetle hybrid going around) and I had a zillion bites. I picked at all the scabs so now I have all these dot marks down my legs. I just lie and tell everybody I had a bad case of chicken pox when I was younger! Haha. But seriously, they have waterproof spray on tans that you could use. And you're not stupid babe, it was just a bad time in your life. Haha, glad I can help!!!! You thinspire me too!!!xxxooo<3
GTMS-Becca: it's weird that you sis in law and mother in law are always commenting on your weight but they want you to do so much for them. I'm not saying to insult them back per se, but a nice backhanded comment would do them well I think. You know something simple like "so you have a salon appointment coming up soon huh?" And they'll be all "I just got my hair done!" (I know they have, most people do before they go out of town) and then just say "oh really? Mmm..." Really mysteriously and walk away. Be all smiles and just get them paranoid about something about them. Turn about is fair play my dear!
SkinnyBusiness: wow, that's really something, but I get what you mean. My weight was up and down as a kid too and it's weird now that I'm losing weight, I haven't really had to buy any new cloths because I had so many I couldn't fit before! Haha. Congrats on your current weight loss! We all go on and off, no one is 100% all the time!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3

Monday, March 8, 2010

Imma Be, Not Going To See BEP

Yeah, so not going to that concert. All tickets were sold out at ticket master, and my dad was not going to pay 250 bucks for nosebleed seats. So, oh well.
But onto the important stuff: my fast!!! It's going really well, I'm not really even craving food. It's a liquid fast, btw. Mostly because water fasting turns me into hellgirl and no one ever wants to hang out with me. Also because it's that time again and yeah I don't want to rip someone's head off. I have my motivations going around in my head: school and SC and you guys of course! Also my Aunt Diane. She's really evil. She's my dad's aunt and she does our taxes so we have to act nice to her. But last year my dad lost a lot of weight and I was still 270 at that time and she's all: "wow it looks like all the weight your dad lost you picked up" she says as she gives me a hug. Bitch. So nooow I have to look good because we get our taxes done on weds. Hahaha.
I promise you guys I will work out today. I am completely better and have to workout so I can look tight and toned, not just flabby and skinny!! I was talking to my dad today and he's all "so you want to be 140?" And I correct him that it's 130. "So what's the final size you want? A 7/8?" I say no, a size 6. This is technically a lie. I WANT to be a size four, but I don't want to be a pile of bones (I really do have big bones, not one of those people who lie about having it cause they're fat). So I say 6, but think 4. I mean, I may like 6, which is a hell of a lot better than 16, but idk, we'll see. I think my dad is starting to worry about me. Mostly because I have started a trend of fasting a day after an indulging day and it may be freaking him out. I hope it doesn't freak him out too much! Because it's not going to stop anytime soon!!!
I am really kicking into high gear because I see the weeks ticking by and my timeline getting shorter by the minute. Summer will be here soon! And the semester will be over and I want everyone to have a nice memory of what Scarlet looked like at the end of the spring semester. It's already spring over here, rainy and wet!
I'm a bit bored though on my spring break. I have nothing to do! I think I'll clean my room (lame-o!) And do homework (lamer) and try to think of things that I'll tell people I did when I get back to school. Oh and starve. That is the most important aspect of this break! Haha!
Comments!
Lola: OMG seriously?!? I have never been called nicknames like that, though I think it went unspoken! Most of the time the guys I knew were just really overprotective! I lied to my friends and told them I went out on a date on my 16th bday (I couldn't say that I had no date and I can finally date! That would be too sad!) And one of my guy friends was all: what's his name, where's he from, how old is he, how do you know him? Sometimes I feel like I have more than one father, sheesh!
Weddingdressthin: I have heard of the netipot but I've never tried it! (I'm a scaredy cat, haha) thanks for the tip though! Haha, yes, I get the entire ocean instead of the wading pool!!!
SkinnyBusiness: thanks. For the comment. I really appreciate it. Yay. Ah, just teasing you! I have had EDNOS almost forever. I was always really obsessed with food since I was around eight. I was always the person who could eat the most at buffets, going back five and six times with full plates of food and only a little kid. I used to always steal food from the kitchen and eat it in my room, and make cookie dough and just eat it. It was weird because my fam and I always ate dinner and everything, so I wasn't hungry it was just this obsession with food. I only went towards the starving side of the spectrum around june of last year, when my previous actions got me up to 270lbs.
GTMS-Becca: omg I know what you mean!!! Older guys seem a lot less stupid than guys around your age! I look at the perspective newbies that are walking around campus and I just roll my eyes!
Jen: really?!? Wow, he must've been crazy cute! You should look him up one day when you're like, 25 or something. The gap doesn't seem big after you get a certain age. We will totally be thin together!!!! Xxxx
Okay guys, I am off to continue fasting!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Battleground

I am answering comments at the top today because...well there's a message at the bottom of this post that I want to be the last thing you take from this post. So GTMS-Becca and Lyndee: I love you guys and you are so awesome for being here for me. Thank you for all your congrats about SC (woot!) And how my days have been going. So big hugs for you guys!
Sooooo....
I have been seriously sick these past few days. I think I will be completely functioning after sleep. My sinuses have cleared up, so I can now breathe again without risking an aneurysym(I know I am spelling that wrong). This means that I can workout again! Woo!
I have been trying to give my body nutrients to boost my immune system. Gained weight or not, the faster I get better, the more useful I will be in my quest for thin. Haha, call me robin hood of thinwood forest. Anyway, I haven't been that great on the food front. Still vegetarian, mostly vegan (except for a most unfortunate run in with a 6.5oz chocolate chip cookie) but a little too rich and too much for me. On the bright side though, I have new motivation! No it's not SC. Not entirely anyway.
1) I go back to school on the 15th. (Or whatever that monday is around there)
2) I am planning to go to a BLACK EYED PEAS CONCERT on saturday and I am soooooo psyched!!!! Also, J will be there but idk if I'll run into him.
3) I just ate totally non-calorie conscious food. For two days. There must be hell to pay now that I am well(ish).
4) Okay, you caught me, the part about SC: his bday is the 23rd. And he's turning (drumroll please)...19!!! Haha, he's just a year (and a half) older than me!!!!! Hahahahaha, I win!
About number 4: you don't know how hard it is to go to school with people who you want to look your way but if they did they would be tossed up under the jail because you are the college equivalent of Lolita (except NOT a nympho). At one point, I had the biggest crush on a guy ten years older than me (I was 14) and he was always saying how he wished he could find a girl like me around his age. Do you know how horrible that is? To know you have a chance, that the guy you want would ask you out, but you're jailbait?!? It's not nice. He wound up with my 20 y.o. best friend. Three years strong now. But now it's my turn. I turn 18 this fall. This is the year I've been waiting for since I started college. This is the year I am free. I can date who I want. No one is out of reach. I am *ahem* avaliable. No longer just the "honorary little sister" (as my 30y.o. friend affectionately calls me). So I must be skinny for this. It really goes beyond SC. I would love, love, LOVE (times a thousand!) To go out with him. To be closer to him. But it's not like I'm gonna marry him (I don't think so anyway). There are going to be people after SC. And if I am even going to get started with a DATE, I need to be skinny.
So how do I propose to do this? It's obvious my plans fall though a lot of the time. I fail a lot. But I don't care. I don't quit. I don't stop. I don't stop trying because it's hard. Because I don't want to. Because it hurts. I can conjure up emotional hurt that would rival the worst hunger pang. My stomach may hurt me now, but it can't match when my heart hurts. When my tears fall. When I shed my armor and show how vulnerable I really am. Things may roll off my back but it still stains my clothes. I am a worn soldier, tired of war. But my blood still pumps. My feet still run. My warrior spirit still keeps fighting. When the flesh is weak the mind is strong. Flesh. what a strange word. The way it curls its way around your mouth. You say it in a snarl most of the time. I am not flesh. I am not weak. I am mind. I am spirit. I am strong.
Strong enough to conquer a fast for this entire week. Starting now. I will complete it. I don't care if I have to be tied and sealed in my room. I will do it. Are you with me? You better go and get your armor: the war is on.
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Friday, March 5, 2010

CHEERS!!!!

Omg, omg, omg! My day has been pretty damn awesome. Much, much better than expected.
Okay, food first! I did okay today. Um, had some pop chips, and a spicy blackbean burger (grains and beans), and a zucchini fritter. Oh and a sparkling juice. So pretty good for the whole day and being out. Also small modification to my plan: no extra oil. Ie, stuff added by me because I realized oil is in everything.
Also, I didn't eat until 4pm. Yay!
So on to life stuff!!! I get so excited to update you guys on this stuff it's ridiculous.
So yesterday my fluid mechanics TA got really pissed at me because I turned in my homework with "I know how to do this question" as the solution to every problem( my prof said I can do stuff like that and it wasn't a lie. I knew how to do it. I didn't DO it, but I knew how). So he calls me in to prove it basically. So he picked a "random" problem from the homework set and basically asked me what equations I would need to solve it. It was no sweat and I got 100% on my homework. Woo!
Before this though, I went through physics and had a conversation with A! It was kinda funny because for the first time I was going the way A normally goes after class and he was going the way I normally go! Ha! And all I was thinking was: "damned TA, taking away my A time!" Until I realized I don't like A like that anymore so really nothing was being taken from me. Now to the good part: Physics lab. As you know, A, SC, and MF are my lab partners. However, my physics TA doesn't think it's fair to have a four person group. So we split into two: MF and A, and SC and ME!!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!! Boo-yah! SC is all mine now! Sorry I couldn't hold it, I just had to tell you. But let me give you a backstory. Before lab, me and J were talking about random stuff. A comes over and was participating in a group fashion, but then he starts talking about a guy idk, and I kinda drop out the convo. J is a sweet guy though and steered the conversation back to something I could participate in! I kept thinking, man A is a jerk. Then I find out that he hasn't showered in three freaking days!! Omg, he smelled bad too. Then I found out he doesn't like lady gaga, thinks chemistry is too hard and complicated and all around hates it (hello, I'm a chemical engineer, we're basically talking about my life's work here), and how his favorite band ias Muse. Not that muse is a bad band. I think they're okay. But how can you not like lady gaga. I know she's weird but her music is awesome! And I just kept thinking to myself: fuck you and what you like, I don't care! No one cares A! What we care about is whether we could forcibly get you under the safety shower!
So we went into the lab and A and MF decide that we can split the lab and get it done quicker. So they do part A, and part B1 and stick SC and I with part B2 and C. Read: the hardest fucking part of the lab with the most complicated circuit/resistor arrangements. I'm sick and SC had taken some pain killers before class (he plays soccer) so we were both kinda out of it and at a major disadvantage. That was not a fair distribution of work! But it all worked out when we were forced to split (okay basically the TA was like: you guys aren't working in a group of four again are you? And we said no, liars that we are). SC and I struggled through the hard stuff, bugging the TA every second when something went wrong, and worked our way back to the easy stuff (which seemed SO easy compared to what we started with). Guess who finished first and who was still screwing around with circuit boards? That's right, SC and I were able to leave A and MF still bickering (did I mention they will bicker about a plan of action to fix the problem before asking the TA anything?), while we sailed off into the sunset. It was really nice being lab partners with SC because he really pulls his weight and isn't a burden (you know what I mean). I was helping A and MF set up the circuit for part B2 and I thought SC and I would continue what we were doing when I came back, but when I did come back, SC had already made the raw data table for the first part! He's a sweetheart and so, so great! And it wasn't like we were mummies during the lab, we were talking and having a pretty good time! Trying to see what each of us was going to do for spring break (which I am officially on now!!!) And how much of that we were probably going to spend on physics (SC says two days at least, I say about two at most, haha). It was enjoyable and fun. I'm actually happy! SC is so un ambiguous. I mean, idk if he likes me, but I know he'll talk to me after class, or say hi to me in the halls, or not cut me out a conversation like an Ass, I mean A. So cheers!
And OMG I have 61 followers!!! Hi!!!!
Comments!
GTMS-Becca: Well yeah I know exactly what you mean. My parents and I always say:"a lot of people say their saints, but sometimes they're an 'aint" lol!
Jen: I know, all the carbs find out your name and call it out! Hahaha, thanks for the encouragement babes. <3
Neverfit: Hi!!! Welcome to the blog! Thanks for the compliments, I try hard not to go on hiatuses! I hope the Emma thing works out, and I will definetly check out your blog asap!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

You Make Me Feel Religious

I read that in a book once, I thought it was awesome, and now? I REALLY know what it means.
But first, an update. I got a bit of a late start with my plan. I have been around 700cals if I count drinks, and about 400-500 if I don't. And I didn't work out yesterday (just lazy, no excuse) but I did do my thirty minutes today. Back to what I was telling you:
My mom was driving me to school today and she was telling me what she read in the bible (unlike me, she reads the bible everyday. I'm a slacker, lol). Then she had me read it. She had it for a completely different purpose (she had me read other verses) but these were the two that stood out:(Haggai Chapter 2)
12 If one bear holy flesh in the skirt of his garment, and with his skirt do touch bread, or pottage, or wine, or oil, or any meat, shall it be holy? And the priests answered and said, No. 13 Then said Haggai, If one that is unclean by a dead body touch any of these, shall it be unclean? And the priests answered and said, It shall be unclean.
So, bread, meat, wine and oil make you unclean and your body "dead" (figuratively)??? Ana, you make me feel religious. New plan: no bread( or bread like things. This includes wraps, roti, mooshu, and anything not a grain veggie or legume). No meat. No oil. No wine (okay I don't normally drink but I did wipe out that half a bottle of chardonnay and I stole a few sips of the sangria in the fridge). I want to be clean and pure. And I'm gonna clean my room (again). And I'm gonna do yoga to calm down ( I have been so high stress lately it's ridiculous). That is my plan. I think if I can do this. Correction, WHEN I do this, I will finally get the results I want. I think I'll also toss in some sort of reading of the bible everyday. I have a regular bible and it's on my phone, I don't have an excuse really.
Let me know what you guys think. I could do something like that indefinetly. This is on top of the plan I already have. I think this will put me closer to my previous goals of 500cals a day and exercise.
Personal life time! Because I know my life is so totally interesting (not, haha).
Let me say something: normally unless the people are my friends, people I deal with in classes DO NOT acknowledge me outside of class. I mean, more people say stuff since I've lost weight but it's still hit or miss. That being said I will continue. So I was on my way rushing to my humanities class when I see SC and his friend walking down the hall talking. SC didn't see me and I figured the encounter was going to follow The Code. SC and his friend were about to pass me, when SC, in MID-FREAKING SENTENCE says "hey" with a wave. I'm all "hey" with a wave of my own. But I am in shock. Did the prettiest boy I know just say hi to me in the middle of a conversation!?! Peppermint Schapps! (OMG if anyone I know reads that phrase they will totally know it's me, haha). I am so happy. Also, A is becoming less and less appealing to me as he lets me slip away. Remember, A is cute and sweet and pretty much in my league so to speak. I thought I had a better chance with him than I did with C. Also C is in Ireland. So, not that I didn't like A, but he idk, became my interest under second class circumstances. But he's acting like an idiot. He showed up late to physics today, his seat was taken, so he honestly could sit anywhere. Did he sit next to moi though? No, he sits on the end of the upper row of the right section (as you come into the room)(closer towards me, but I am in the middle of the mid level in the middle section). Wow, I felt dissed. Do you know I used to pray that my row would fill up so I could be a free agent and go sit next to him w/o looking weird?!? Anyway, I was pissed and he'll be lucky if he's my friend by the end of this semester. At this rate, if he friended me on FB or asked me to the spring fling I'm not even sure I would say yes. Seriously.
Then the more I hang around SC the more I like him. With his accent and his "Cheers" goodbyes. Oh and did I mention he's gorgeous!!! I swear I am not lying. He looks like a supermodel dude. And he was wearing this bright sky-in-the-middle-of-summer-blue shirt that practically had me drooling on my physics notebook. I was just like Hot Damn!
Dammit this always happens to me. I'm just glad it's happening early. I always fall for someone at the beginning of the semester and then notice this person I had not been paying attention to and start crushing on them and then I'm in a scramble to get to at least friend status by end of semester so I can come back next semester and get closer. I'm serious. Always, like freaking walmart. If A doesn't get his shit together he is totally going to lose me to SC (which is fine by me). Oooh, maybe I can sway SC to be a chemical engineering major (he's a physics major but he totally hates physics now and is looking for a new major), then maybe we could have classes together!!!!!! Okay, getting ahead of myself. Just go with the flow Scarlet and stop trying to control things!
Also, I wanted to explain Emma (the inner alterego I mentioned a few posts ago). I know I said she was like the "EDNOS" in my head, but she's kinda like to me what Sasha Fierce is to Beyoncé. This unchained, unafraid, bold and daring counterpart. When I can't do it I think about what Emma would do and it gets done. She's strong and outgoing. Not complete opposite of me but like me concentrate. I'm me reconstituted.okay just wanted clear that up. So I think Emma will be talking and saying hi to SC. Instead of Scarlet who loses her tongue (sometimes. I talked to him just fine on thursday). Ooh, I love that nervous feeling. Let's see if I can get everything to fall into place okay?
Comments!
GTMS-Becca: it's nice to know I'm not alone!!!
Secret: haha, you crack me up! I am so proud of you though, I mean that is absolutely amazing. You're my thinspo for the week. And regardless of what happened afterwards (your post hasn't popped up yet as of this post), it's still a great achievement to lose that much in that short period of time. It's okay that you didn't "really" comment, but I'd rather hear about someone's success than have them talk about me. I'm glad you came on over to tell me!!!! XOXO<3<3
Okay guys, I am off to go get skinny and be more Emma (not that I have a split personality or anything, but I would love it if Emma and I could merge one day).
XOXO,
Scarlet <3
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Monday, March 1, 2010

Baby, You're Not The Only One

Haha made it through my fast!!! Yay! I didn't get a chance to workout. I had a fluid mechanics midterm today so I basically spent all day yesterday studying!!! But on the brightside, I think I did really well on the exam! I feel like I'm thinning, nothing looks as big anymore!
Also, on a LMAO note, it turns out C (guy from orgo who went to ireland this semester), has a blog! On blogger!!! Hahaha, I couldn't believe it but it really is there!
This week I am aiming for 500cals a day and working out at least 30 mins (which will give me 3.5 hrs a week, edging out my 2.75 hrs I had last week). I can do that. Thirty minutes out of my day is virtually nothing and it flies by so fast when I am zoned out into my music (Lady Gaga and Cobra Starship are awesome!).
I can't bring myself to weigh in. I keep having the feeling that I have a higher weight than I want, but I figure if I actively try to lose weight then I should be okay. I wish all of these roadblocks would stop showing up though. I mean I am positive that buffet set me back at least 2 lbs even after the fasting. It's reasons like this that I can't bring myself to weigh in.
Anyway...I don't have much to do today. Just some physics. Try my hand at this one physical chem problem that I could care less if I solve it since I have all the others.
My food intake so far has been liquid cereal for 250cal (oooh, so high, so early!) And I'll most likely have rice for dinner for 180cal, with a hot chocolate for 120cal. Grr, 550cals. I guess it's not too bad but idk, it's not 500! We'll see. I may skimp on the rice and try to even it out. Meh, I'll tack on like five minutes on the elliptical. It'll work out.
Comments!
GTMS-Becca: haha, happiness is contagious!
Jen: Yes we will deff do it this week!!! And OMG you're so sweet and too kind. Thanks for helping me see it's ME they like, it's just that I had been hiding myself underneath the weight! Xxx<3
Secret: Wow, that's quite the experience! Guys who think it's okay to punch girls are normally all five seconds off getting the crap beat outta them (by a girl, haha). Them and chauvanists/misogynists totally get on my nerves. Thanks for the encouragement and we will all do it this week and be stellar!!!
Okay, I am off to find something to do, ooh, I'll read blogs!
XOXO,
Scarlet <3<3