I am answering comments at the top today because...well there's a message at the bottom of this post that I want to be the last thing you take from this post. So GTMS-Becca and Lyndee: I love you guys and you are so awesome for being here for me. Thank you for all your congrats about SC (woot!) And how my days have been going. So big hugs for you guys!
I have been seriously sick these past few days. I think I will be completely functioning after sleep. My sinuses have cleared up, so I can now breathe again without risking an aneurysym(I know I am spelling that wrong). This means that I can workout again! Woo!
I have been trying to give my body nutrients to boost my immune system. Gained weight or not, the faster I get better, the more useful I will be in my quest for thin. Haha, call me robin hood of thinwood forest. Anyway, I haven't been that great on the food front. Still vegetarian, mostly vegan (except for a most unfortunate run in with a 6.5oz chocolate chip cookie) but a little too rich and too much for me. On the bright side though, I have new motivation! No it's not SC. Not entirely anyway.
1) I go back to school on the 15th. (Or whatever that monday is around there)
2) I am planning to go to a BLACK EYED PEAS CONCERT on saturday and I am soooooo psyched!!!! Also, J will be there but idk if I'll run into him.
3) I just ate totally non-calorie conscious food. For two days. There must be hell to pay now that I am well(ish).
4) Okay, you caught me, the part about SC: his bday is the 23rd. And he's turning (drumroll please)...19!!! Haha, he's just a year (and a half) older than me!!!!! Hahahahaha, I win!
About number 4: you don't know how hard it is to go to school with people who you want to look your way but if they did they would be tossed up under the jail because you are the college equivalent of Lolita (except NOT a nympho). At one point, I had the biggest crush on a guy ten years older than me (I was 14) and he was always saying how he wished he could find a girl like me around his age. Do you know how horrible that is? To know you have a chance, that the guy you want would ask you out, but you're jailbait?!? It's not nice. He wound up with my 20 y.o. best friend. Three years strong now. But now it's my turn. I turn 18 this fall. This is the year I've been waiting for since I started college. This is the year I am free. I can date who I want. No one is out of reach. I am *ahem* avaliable. No longer just the "honorary little sister" (as my 30y.o. friend affectionately calls me). So I must be skinny for this. It really goes beyond SC. I would love, love, LOVE (times a thousand!) To go out with him. To be closer to him. But it's not like I'm gonna marry him (I don't think so anyway). There are going to be people after SC. And if I am even going to get started with a DATE, I need to be skinny.
So how do I propose to do this? It's obvious my plans fall though a lot of the time. I fail a lot. But I don't care. I don't quit. I don't stop. I don't stop trying because it's hard. Because I don't want to. Because it hurts. I can conjure up emotional hurt that would rival the worst hunger pang. My stomach may hurt me now, but it can't match when my heart hurts. When my tears fall. When I shed my armor and show how vulnerable I really am. Things may roll off my back but it still stains my clothes. I am a worn soldier, tired of war. But my blood still pumps. My feet still run. My warrior spirit still keeps fighting. When the flesh is weak the mind is strong. Flesh. what a strange word. The way it curls its way around your mouth. You say it in a snarl most of the time. I am not flesh. I am not weak. I am mind. I am spirit. I am strong.
Strong enough to conquer a fast for this entire week. Starting now. I will complete it. I don't care if I have to be tied and sealed in my room. I will do it. Are you with me? You better go and get your armor: the war is on.