Thursday, June 17, 2010

Until I Feel It

Hey guys!
Sooo I've been doing the zero zig zag and everything, but I don't feel up for this. I want to fast. Starting tomorrow, up till sunday (have to have bfast with my dad on father's day) and then jump right back into it on monday. So water fasting, yay! I feel fat right now, I don't know why but I feel like I am HUGE. I feel like I did when I was 270, like I am filling up too much space. It's a very odd emotion. I was hemhawing about the fasting and my metabolism and such, but then something hit me: I have done countless fasts and my metabolism has NEVER croaked like that. So it had to be that I was purging so much. Fast binge purge, over and over again. But now that I have convinced my body that I will not, in fact, rob it of food I think it's okay again. We're cool now. ;)
Also, my phone is being shit right now, the trackball assembly is all fucked up. (I can't scroll "up") so I may not be posting until I can get this fixed (SOON!) Because I feel guilty about not being able to respond to comments. I get emails but I can't scroll down, read, and scroll back up like I normally do so I am sorry! I love you guys loads and loads and I appreciate all of the love and support you give me! <3
I wish this curse that I have with electronics would's pissing me off!!!!!
Also my exercise during the fasting will be jogging. I was reading runner's world magazine and got all hyped up, lol.
Remember to be good while I'm gone! I may be able to comment on you guys' blogs though since the browser I use to view them let's me use the 2, 4, 6, 8, keys to navigate!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


  1. I hate phones!! I had a blackberry too, and that stupid roller ball always broke. Switched to a touch screen, but now the speakers aren't so great. Oh technology...

    Good luck on your fasting! I'm glad you figured out what your body was doing. :)

  2. Okay scarlet, I couldn't stay away, so I came back after a few hours. Dramaful day. I was going to miss you to much to.
    Okay basicly I hate life when it's being shit. Love you tons, <3's Katie. Cannot believe I thought I was going to leave. Good luck on your fast. Your amazing.

  3. Scarlet, Scarlet...

    I don't have an ED but for some reason I like reading ED blogs, and I just finished yours. Normally I wouldn't bother to comment on one, but you don't seem like you're crazy-in-the-head ana, just desperate to lose weight and unfortunately, well on your way to bulimia. I want to enjoin you to take your diet a little more reasonably.

    Consider this. The first time you posted a weight, last August, you were 242. June 1st, you were 208. That's 33 weeks and 34 pounds. On average, you've lost a pound a week, and you're absolutely killing yourself - not as much as some people do, but still, you're right to lament so much trouble for so little result. You are obviously smart and have approached this mathematically in past posts, but like all real-world science, there are a great number of variables involved that can skew the actual results from the theoretical ones. One of them is quite clear to me.

    You may think that you've revived your metabolism, that your previous fasts didn't kill it, but the fact that you are eating so little and not losing is proof that you are wrong. If your metabolism was in working order, you could be eating 1800 calories a day and achieving the same results (a pound or two a week). You were onto something with the zig zag diet; bodybuilders who need to maintain muscle while cutting fat quicker use them. But zig zag diets aren't liquid zig, 600 calorie zag - the metabolism booster days are supposed to be at your maintenance level or above.

    Failure to keep to your plans isn't the main reason you're not losing, and other people don't have special magic that lets them eat tons. There are naturally skinny people, but if you worked back up to it you too could eat a ton compared to what you do now - not binge levels and not junk food, not 3000 calories, but 2000 certainly. It's true that you would gain weight /at first/ while your metabolism readjusts but /you do not have to hate your body just because you are a little bit heavier!/ You looked amazing in the pics you posted at 220 something and you were happy about it then. Wouldn't it be better to backslide just a little and then get off the roller coaster you've been on, and know that what you lose thereafter would be easier and more permanent?

    I'm writing this in the faith that you are not driven to this irrationally by deep-seated psychological issues, but by the rational desire to go from an unhealthily high weight to a trim and comfortable one. I am trusting that you are intelligent and that, when I put the numbers to you, you can see that ana/mia techniques are not working and you could be much more comfortable while losing weight just as effectively, if you can have patience. It sounds like you put on this weight by learned bad food habits, but what you are doing now is just learning different bad food habits. Developing good ones is the only way to lose weight and maintain it without constant worry.

    I myself am trying to lose weight in a healthy way, and I'm at a similar BMI to you. Please consider what I've said, I would be willing to blog partner with you, support you and help you. If you're not addicted to feeling your bones protrude, if you think there's a weight at which you'd be satisfied and stop, if you don't want to be bulimic for the best years of your life, please consider it.

    With care,
    Annika Q

  4. Aww your so sweat. Your the bestest. Probibly the most relatable to. My parents are most deffinatly the once your out your out type of people. I've been kindo working on a plan to, your right. I am going to ask my mom if I can live with another family for awhile or go to boarding school. I'm not going to "run away" but I am going to find my escape. Love you tons and I'm supper excited to hear about your metabolism secret.

  5. I am new to your blog, and you are an inspiration to me. I've struggled my whole life with my weight and topped out at 275. I'm down to 225, which is good, but I want so much more. How long did it take you to get down your LW? Love your blog <3