Somehow, someway the universe has broken itself. I am down like I think 1.5 lbs since I last wrote, but yesterday my weight fucking SKYROCKETED. Like to the point where my overall loss was only like a half pound total. I wanted to cry. I didn't want to eat, didn't want to go to the stupid formal thing, I just wanted to sit in bed and loathe myself.
Of course I didn't do that. I drug my fat ass to the shower, cried a little, got dressed, struggled to put on strappy heels (like seriously, i'll explain), and went to the formal. Smiled, took pictures, ate the dinner, and thought to myself that it wouldn't be terrible for the ceiling to fall in on my chair. Yeah I wasn't in a good state. This was mostly due to the scale and THOSE DAMN SHOES. I have large bones. I don't mean those excuses people use when they are fat, I am fat and have very large bones. Which is mostly why I don't look as heavy as I am. Fucking bones man. So these heels do that fun criss-cross across the instep and secure with the buckle thing at the ankle. TERRIBLE. The damn things wouldn't close. I couldn't begin to get the strap through I was so sad. I eventually got them on with my roommate's help but you wouldn't believe how terrible I felt. Of course my roommate kept saying it was probably just the angle that I was putting them on at because once they were fastened it wasn't like there was fat pouring all over the straps or anything and the straps were still moveable so it wasn't like they were too small for me. Of course I wasn't listening to her. I was agonizing that it took me 15 minutes to but on some heels and this must mean that I am growing exponentially. So that was why I was hoping for a very selecting sinkhole to swallow me up.
The whole dinner I was just thinking about calories. Honestly I was going crazy even though I think I had only had maybe 400 so far before the dinner. Then after the dinner we all took pictures, I got more depressed ( I thought I looked terrible. Looking today the pictures aren't bad. Perception is a bitch.) and gave up on life. Hung out with my boyfriend, had sex to make myself feel more attractive (can't say that was a bad idea. Fucking amazing idea. I still felt fat but I was warm and tingly haha), and ate late night pizza (again the giving up on life thing).
I can't say what I expected to see on the scale today. I just got on it and poof! Super low weight that is just WTF. My overall loss is 4 lbs now. I don't get it. But I won't complain haha. Still haven't started my period yet, it's going to pop up at the most inopportune time and just ruin my life and that's okay I guess because being a girl.
Unfortunately my weight loss will be shortlived as tomorrow is easter and the early celebration of my dad's birthday and he wants to go to a buffet restaurant at 11 am in the morning. MY LIFE.
That is me in my dress with gratuitous boob window.
Sam: LUCKY!! Lol always hungry means your metabolism is working. Mine just sits around like a lazy teenage stoner. I have to boost it with multivitamins that are stacked with caffeine. Twice? Awww :) Congrats on the two pounds you're doing awesome!! Also I think I might be retarded because I can't figure out how to subscribe on your blog. Help!
Onyx: I've never seen the gopicnic ones! I've only run across the "uploaded" ones that are for older kids. Eh, I don't mind though the smaller they are the less calories they have haha
weight lost so far: 4 lbs
weight to go: some more lol
weight to go: some more lol