Saturday, April 26, 2014


Life hates me.

I got down to my low weight. 4 lbs down total. Then I ate maybe 800 cal and went to a party where I danced for three hours. I drank a bunch of water because thirst. I weighed yesterday morning: 3 lbs up. Go to meet with my advisor, she told me she doesn't want me in her lab any more and I can either try to get into a different lab or leave with my masters. She picked apart everything I have done in the past year and basically told me it was nothing and I wasn't worth the money she spent sponsoring me.

I don't know what I weigh. I don't care. I haven't eaten much. I have been drinking. I hate life right now. I have to find a new lab and hope it works out.

Sam: I'm studying chemical engineering. I would write a more interesting response but not in a good mood right now. Here's a smiley to make up for it :)



  1. I'm sorry to hear about your lab- but screw her! Just let this motivate you to find a new and better lab! sometimes life just sucks, but I know at the end of the day you'll find a way to make it all come together.

  2. Scarlet! Hi my old friend! I thought you stopped!
    I don't know if you remember me, but I went by Elle and Anabanana back in the day (2010). It's so good to see a familiar face still around!! Sort of... I know how it is. It's bitter sweet if someone is here because it means they're still fighting the fight. But it's bitter sweet when they're gone because you don't know if they reached their goals, or stopped trying, or ended badly. Anyway, I hope you're mostly ok! I read a few of your posts... I'm sorry you're struggling. We have some similarities. I left, went "healthy" and did ok for a while but it didn't work out and now I'm at my highest weight ever. It's heartbreaking and I'm really upset. So I'm back. Because say what you want, but this works. And so does all the support.

    So know I'm back, I'm here for you, and I know you'll make it this time! Big hugs my love!


  3. Your advisor is an ass. If there was such a huge problem, why didn't she say that earlier so you two could have worked it through? Don't let the bitch get you down; move on and upwards!

  4. That weight will come straight back off in no time if you want it to, and you know it. Fuck your advisor! That was incredibly cunty of her to treat you in such a way. But everything happens for a reason. So this lab didn't work out, but maybe that had to happen so that you'll find one that does, and that is right for you.
    I really should take my own advice. I know how hard it can be to pick yourself up after something that's knocked you down, but you can do it. Fight.
    Everything is going to work out.