So mi parents think that the checkerboard is unhealthy so they basically told me to stop. So I am back to glorious calorie counting, which kinda gets on mi nerves. to be honest i'd rather not eat at all than count cals. I had around 800 cals today which is really good but no where near the 270 i had planned for. wat i didn't expect was to go out. i thought i'd be in all day and have no room for error. what happened was i went out and ate a lot of my new obsession: Silk Live! Soy Yogurt. it comes in a ton of flavors at only 150 cal each. i was in heaven. in total i had 4 today, 600 cals, and three, though technically two and a half, cups of watermelon, 150 cals, which brings mi total to 750cals, and then some odds and ends (they had samples of tortilla chips w/ jalapeno soy cheese, and sesame sticks. only 2 tortillas and only a palm full of sesame sticks, low,low, cals). And I walked today around downtown, so quite a burn. also lost another inch off mi hips...maybe i'm losing weight fast cause i was so fat bfore???
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Progress I forgot to mention (again)
BTW, i lost an inch off mi waist haven't measured nething else. noticed i didn't have a lower gut today so i measured and i'm at 33inches! WOOT!!! so yeah doing well!!!! that means i am five inches down from biggest waist size!!!
XOXOXO,
Skinnier Scarlet <3
XOXOXO,
Skinnier Scarlet <3
Binging on an eat day
Hey y'all,
so I binged today. I kno, i kno, the checkerboard is supposed to be binge-free, and for the most part it has been. I should explained tho that this was not just any binge. it was not scarfing down everything in sight or even eating wayy more than i was supposed to. no, this binge was in a whole other category: the planned binge. let out your gasps. yes, i planned mi binge. *quickly hides behind Ana for cover, but realized that hiding behind rock gives much more safety as Ana wants to kill me and would probably serve me up to her followers* okay now that i've said is, just like the checkerboard plan, this too works entirely on logic (sorry guys, i'm an engineering major, i have to work with logic). So if you have the average binge, you scarf down everything without control, only focused on food and your animalistic taking of it. for some of you, you throw up after this, work yourselves out to death, cry, take endless laxies, or do all of the above. this is not good. this isn't even healthy(excluding the workout, that's always good). and it sets you up for more binging.
so i came up with the planned binge or PB. here's how it works. say you feel a binge coming on. DON"T GIVE IN! this is part of the process. wait a day and see if it passes. sometimes binge-feelings just come and go based on emotions. Also sorry, but if u'r on your period DON'T GIVE IN as it is completely hormone related and not actually you. if your binge-feelings do not pass, don't grab the first thing you see, it's just not smart. that's the point of planning. here's the step by step:
1) Allot money for your binge. i normally only do a dollar for a binge. if i'm buying something expensive, i.e. cookies or something, then two dollars.
2) decide where to buy it. ok, this is important. it depends on u'r situation. since i am on a diet and everyone knows it i can't just binge on whatever i like. it has to be hidden and silent. if you have been freaking your fam out with u'r Ana, then you must make sure someone sees you. also make sure you aren't animalistic this will make you look deprived like you haven't seen food in a few days (albeit this may be true). I normally pick gas stations. my fam drives a prius so we don't go but maybe once or twice a week to fill up. this makes me wait for it.
3) pick something! i normally pick the regular blowpops. they have candy and gum and they only run me 60cals a pop. also, they only cost 25 cents so i can get 4 for a dollar and the binge only runs me 240cals total. from what i've read on other blogs the average binge runs about 750cals or more, so i've saved you 500 cals or more just by planning!!
4) eat it but do something while doing it so your mind doesn't think: Hell yeah, this is no holds barred, lets go nuts cause it's not happening again!!! i play solitare while eating so my mind thinks this is something normal. by planning your binge you can cut cals over the course of a few days to cover it, instead of after, you know how many cals are in your binge so you aren't agonizing, and it's an overall easy experience. at the you'll be like, okay my craving is gone, but that wasn't that enjoyable so i don't feel the need to do it anytime soon. that way you have cut cals on your binge and only had one binge as opposed to a few or more.
5) For God's sake don't purge your binge. it won't help. i think bulimia is crazy bad and it won't help. Ana is the safe way.*just laughed outloud, no ED is safe, but some won't hurt you as bad* Bulimia will rot your teeth, and your esophagus, and everyone will know you are bulimia because of the marks it leaves on your body, the tell-tale signs. no one knows about ana until you are rail thin and have reached your goal and it doesn't really matter at that point.
6) if you are a suspected ana, calmly eat your binge in front of people. be really cutesy and girly about it. talk, do something that gives off that you are at ease. then the next time people tell you they never see you eat you can bring up the binge like: "Yeah you do, i just had some (insert binge food) not too long ago" be super easy and laugh at them like they're crazy and roll your eyes. Don't mention how many days ago or how many or what amount of binge food you had. a joke from DL Hughley in Kings of comedy said "some people say, i'm not racist, i've had three black people over mi house. if you know how many black people you had over your house you're racist than a motherfuka." the same rule applies to ana. if you say exactly when and what you had, you're blantantly ana and everyone will know. once i had a crush on a guy and he wore a shirt he wore two weeks before when i saw him and i said "oh you wore that on monday two weeks ago." i was just making an observation but he was all, "REALLY, i didn't notice." it was so blatant that i pay attention to him. and why would i pay attention to him, cause i had a crush on him and it was totally obvious. please girls, DON'T BE OBVIOUS!!!
so yeah my binge was 4 blow pops: watermelon, strawberry, and two sour apples. i bought them at a gas station. they cost me one dollar. they cost me 240 cals. i won't have them again for a while. I don't feel (that) guilty because i was in control. and that's what ana's all about rite? Never losing control. So don't lose control girls, even when you're weak you have to be strong.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
so I binged today. I kno, i kno, the checkerboard is supposed to be binge-free, and for the most part it has been. I should explained tho that this was not just any binge. it was not scarfing down everything in sight or even eating wayy more than i was supposed to. no, this binge was in a whole other category: the planned binge. let out your gasps. yes, i planned mi binge. *quickly hides behind Ana for cover, but realized that hiding behind rock gives much more safety as Ana wants to kill me and would probably serve me up to her followers* okay now that i've said is, just like the checkerboard plan, this too works entirely on logic (sorry guys, i'm an engineering major, i have to work with logic). So if you have the average binge, you scarf down everything without control, only focused on food and your animalistic taking of it. for some of you, you throw up after this, work yourselves out to death, cry, take endless laxies, or do all of the above. this is not good. this isn't even healthy(excluding the workout, that's always good). and it sets you up for more binging.
so i came up with the planned binge or PB. here's how it works. say you feel a binge coming on. DON"T GIVE IN! this is part of the process. wait a day and see if it passes. sometimes binge-feelings just come and go based on emotions. Also sorry, but if u'r on your period DON'T GIVE IN as it is completely hormone related and not actually you. if your binge-feelings do not pass, don't grab the first thing you see, it's just not smart. that's the point of planning. here's the step by step:
1) Allot money for your binge. i normally only do a dollar for a binge. if i'm buying something expensive, i.e. cookies or something, then two dollars.
2) decide where to buy it. ok, this is important. it depends on u'r situation. since i am on a diet and everyone knows it i can't just binge on whatever i like. it has to be hidden and silent. if you have been freaking your fam out with u'r Ana, then you must make sure someone sees you. also make sure you aren't animalistic this will make you look deprived like you haven't seen food in a few days (albeit this may be true). I normally pick gas stations. my fam drives a prius so we don't go but maybe once or twice a week to fill up. this makes me wait for it.
3) pick something! i normally pick the regular blowpops. they have candy and gum and they only run me 60cals a pop. also, they only cost 25 cents so i can get 4 for a dollar and the binge only runs me 240cals total. from what i've read on other blogs the average binge runs about 750cals or more, so i've saved you 500 cals or more just by planning!!
4) eat it but do something while doing it so your mind doesn't think: Hell yeah, this is no holds barred, lets go nuts cause it's not happening again!!! i play solitare while eating so my mind thinks this is something normal. by planning your binge you can cut cals over the course of a few days to cover it, instead of after, you know how many cals are in your binge so you aren't agonizing, and it's an overall easy experience. at the you'll be like, okay my craving is gone, but that wasn't that enjoyable so i don't feel the need to do it anytime soon. that way you have cut cals on your binge and only had one binge as opposed to a few or more.
5) For God's sake don't purge your binge. it won't help. i think bulimia is crazy bad and it won't help. Ana is the safe way.*just laughed outloud, no ED is safe, but some won't hurt you as bad* Bulimia will rot your teeth, and your esophagus, and everyone will know you are bulimia because of the marks it leaves on your body, the tell-tale signs. no one knows about ana until you are rail thin and have reached your goal and it doesn't really matter at that point.
6) if you are a suspected ana, calmly eat your binge in front of people. be really cutesy and girly about it. talk, do something that gives off that you are at ease. then the next time people tell you they never see you eat you can bring up the binge like: "Yeah you do, i just had some (insert binge food) not too long ago" be super easy and laugh at them like they're crazy and roll your eyes. Don't mention how many days ago or how many or what amount of binge food you had. a joke from DL Hughley in Kings of comedy said "some people say, i'm not racist, i've had three black people over mi house. if you know how many black people you had over your house you're racist than a motherfuka." the same rule applies to ana. if you say exactly when and what you had, you're blantantly ana and everyone will know. once i had a crush on a guy and he wore a shirt he wore two weeks before when i saw him and i said "oh you wore that on monday two weeks ago." i was just making an observation but he was all, "REALLY, i didn't notice." it was so blatant that i pay attention to him. and why would i pay attention to him, cause i had a crush on him and it was totally obvious. please girls, DON'T BE OBVIOUS!!!
so yeah my binge was 4 blow pops: watermelon, strawberry, and two sour apples. i bought them at a gas station. they cost me one dollar. they cost me 240 cals. i won't have them again for a while. I don't feel (that) guilty because i was in control. and that's what ana's all about rite? Never losing control. So don't lose control girls, even when you're weak you have to be strong.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
Friday, July 24, 2009
Salt Water Flush
Hey y'all,
so i tried a salt water flush cuz i haven't had a BM in like four days. tmi, i kno, but it's needed. so NEway, i mixed 1 tblsp of sea salt with a liter of warm water(to dissolve sea salt) and downed it in about three minutes ( i've heard some ppl have to take like half an hour but not me!). I like salty things (it tastes like soup broth) so it was easy for me. then i worked out, yay me! So it worked and i had a BM and now i'm happy. my mom scared me when i was younger saying that if you didn't have BMs you get lockjaw and die, so yeah, that was my motovation: not to die fat and chocked full of crap.
Also I'm fasting today and mi stomach is hella angry with me, i don't kno why. it keeps growling at me like a junkyard dog. I might have some watermelon at midnight. i have to stay up and wait for mi mom to get home. this whole checkerboard plan is going so well! mi parents are so super proud of me!! I can see mi clavicle and feel mi hip bones. i kno that sounds weird for a size 18 girl to be able to feel her hip bones but i can. i can't SEE them, but i FEEL them. also mi ribs are separate from the rest of mi stomach. mi stomach is also very soft like so i think it's about to drop off (hit the road bitches! fat cells, not you guys). see the thing with mi fam on mi dad's side is that we all have what we call compact weight. we look waayyy smaller than we weigh and it's hella deceptive and unhealthy. so i think mi compactness is going (hence the softness) and it will all drop off. i think i'm my mom and dad rolled into one. when fat i'm compact, then lose compact but stay same size (think i weigh less tho) and then i lose size when i lose more weight (bye-bye soft fat). mi mom only has soft fat so she is loosing more than me rite now size wise. i am way jealous. but i still love her and would never sabotage her.
So nothing new going on, except that the kid next door hates me. he's about ten or tweleve and has the most adorable two year old brother ( I adore little kids). NEway, sometimes i see them on their back porch and i say high or wave. the little bro ALWAYS waves back or says hi. the older bro never says nething. EVER. no wave, no acknoledgement that i even exist. i don't get it. his mom, dad, and little bro speak but he doesn't. i don't know why but this gets on mi nerves soooo much!
Also this guy i kno, let's call him JH, who i used to like and hang out with is getting on mi nerves. he's a total liar. Here's the run down. i've had three classes with him over about 1 and a half years. he's cheated off of mi quizzes (take homes) and has been a jerk and a total sweetheart intermittenly. he goes between practically stalking me to signing off facebook as soon as i come online. WTF?! why am i still caring right? Well the thing is i wrote a book, yes an honest to goodness book, and i sent it to him to let him read. he was supposed to read it on flight to lebanon(his "home") and he hasn't said anything about it or even contacted me since about may 12. ya. also, he claims he comes from lebanon and his father works in saudi arabia, his mother descends from like a family of iranian princes, blah blah blah. Here's what i think:
1) he's a trust find baby from east coast. i think this because i googled his name and a guy with the EXACT same name, a JH jr. runs a string of highend and highly successful cleaners in New York. Coincedence? i think not.
2) JH is taking a arabic history class in the fall. ok so if he did know all this arab history he would get a surefire A, but i think he needs it for his front. ok, moving on.
3) mi dad got on me for texting this past month (we don't have txt in our plan) so i looked at the bill and saw that i was texting someone with a BOSTON number. i don't know anyone in boston so i checked the number on mi txts and guess who's number it was? you got it, JH. you guys are so smart.
4) how in the hell did he get a boston number if he's only been in the US for 2 years and has only been to Chicago?? (also fun fact, he was actually born in LA and moved to lebanon with fam as a baby. that's his story any way)
5) he's either lying to keep up this elaborate "please don't kidnap me or latch on to me cuz i'm rich" scheme or he's schizophrenic. i just took a psych class this spring so i kno. i would like the think he's not crazy.
So i'm super irritated that he's being such a jerk. Okay, no more ranting, got to go read blogs and finish mi fast.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
so i tried a salt water flush cuz i haven't had a BM in like four days. tmi, i kno, but it's needed. so NEway, i mixed 1 tblsp of sea salt with a liter of warm water(to dissolve sea salt) and downed it in about three minutes ( i've heard some ppl have to take like half an hour but not me!). I like salty things (it tastes like soup broth) so it was easy for me. then i worked out, yay me! So it worked and i had a BM and now i'm happy. my mom scared me when i was younger saying that if you didn't have BMs you get lockjaw and die, so yeah, that was my motovation: not to die fat and chocked full of crap.
Also I'm fasting today and mi stomach is hella angry with me, i don't kno why. it keeps growling at me like a junkyard dog. I might have some watermelon at midnight. i have to stay up and wait for mi mom to get home. this whole checkerboard plan is going so well! mi parents are so super proud of me!! I can see mi clavicle and feel mi hip bones. i kno that sounds weird for a size 18 girl to be able to feel her hip bones but i can. i can't SEE them, but i FEEL them. also mi ribs are separate from the rest of mi stomach. mi stomach is also very soft like so i think it's about to drop off (hit the road bitches! fat cells, not you guys). see the thing with mi fam on mi dad's side is that we all have what we call compact weight. we look waayyy smaller than we weigh and it's hella deceptive and unhealthy. so i think mi compactness is going (hence the softness) and it will all drop off. i think i'm my mom and dad rolled into one. when fat i'm compact, then lose compact but stay same size (think i weigh less tho) and then i lose size when i lose more weight (bye-bye soft fat). mi mom only has soft fat so she is loosing more than me rite now size wise. i am way jealous. but i still love her and would never sabotage her.
So nothing new going on, except that the kid next door hates me. he's about ten or tweleve and has the most adorable two year old brother ( I adore little kids). NEway, sometimes i see them on their back porch and i say high or wave. the little bro ALWAYS waves back or says hi. the older bro never says nething. EVER. no wave, no acknoledgement that i even exist. i don't get it. his mom, dad, and little bro speak but he doesn't. i don't know why but this gets on mi nerves soooo much!
Also this guy i kno, let's call him JH, who i used to like and hang out with is getting on mi nerves. he's a total liar. Here's the run down. i've had three classes with him over about 1 and a half years. he's cheated off of mi quizzes (take homes) and has been a jerk and a total sweetheart intermittenly. he goes between practically stalking me to signing off facebook as soon as i come online. WTF?! why am i still caring right? Well the thing is i wrote a book, yes an honest to goodness book, and i sent it to him to let him read. he was supposed to read it on flight to lebanon(his "home") and he hasn't said anything about it or even contacted me since about may 12. ya. also, he claims he comes from lebanon and his father works in saudi arabia, his mother descends from like a family of iranian princes, blah blah blah. Here's what i think:
1) he's a trust find baby from east coast. i think this because i googled his name and a guy with the EXACT same name, a JH jr. runs a string of highend and highly successful cleaners in New York. Coincedence? i think not.
2) JH is taking a arabic history class in the fall. ok so if he did know all this arab history he would get a surefire A, but i think he needs it for his front. ok, moving on.
3) mi dad got on me for texting this past month (we don't have txt in our plan) so i looked at the bill and saw that i was texting someone with a BOSTON number. i don't know anyone in boston so i checked the number on mi txts and guess who's number it was? you got it, JH. you guys are so smart.
4) how in the hell did he get a boston number if he's only been in the US for 2 years and has only been to Chicago?? (also fun fact, he was actually born in LA and moved to lebanon with fam as a baby. that's his story any way)
5) he's either lying to keep up this elaborate "please don't kidnap me or latch on to me cuz i'm rich" scheme or he's schizophrenic. i just took a psych class this spring so i kno. i would like the think he's not crazy.
So i'm super irritated that he's being such a jerk. Okay, no more ranting, got to go read blogs and finish mi fast.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
Thursday, July 23, 2009
BTW
by the way if you wanted to see what i went through you can go to Joy Yee's website and click menus and the chinatown menu: joyyee.com
not only look at what mi dad had but also the other shit they make that was all around me. it was bloody hell. please don't binge. please. make sure you have just eaten or are really strong. this public service announcement has been brought to you by Scarlet.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
not only look at what mi dad had but also the other shit they make that was all around me. it was bloody hell. please don't binge. please. make sure you have just eaten or are really strong. this public service announcement has been brought to you by Scarlet.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
Still doin the Checkerboard
Hey Y'all,
so i fasted yesterday. i was climbing up walls though not so much because i was hungry but because of what i had around me. earlier yesterday around noon my parents and i went to this chinese bakery and bought me two of those wonderful red bean paste cakes. i was cool, everyone knew i wasn't going to eat them until mi fast was over so no pressure. NEway, my dad and i dropped my mom off at her job at 4pm and had to amuse ourselves until about 11pm when we would go and drive out to a suburb to pick her up (she works at a hospital). so mi dad being all greedy and everything went BACK to the afore mentioned bakery and bought two more RBPC and a coconut flake thingy. it was no big deal as i still had mi RBPC. that was until mi dad decided that he had to go to Joy Yee Noodle. okay the thing about Joy Yee is that everything is a F*!&ing trigger. yes, EVERYTHING. mi dad ordered Miso Soup (something i could eat and do eat on nonfast days) and crab and shrimp eggrolls. Gawd help me. I just sat there sipping water pretending like none this is fazing me. soooo much of a lie. but i stayed strong and didn't break. As soon as 1 am hit(i had a late dinner the other day) i went for the RBPC. but then i saw miself in mi minds eye and thought that i looked like a ravenous hungry beast( i wasn't all that hungry, just wanted the RBPC) and i didn't think it looked pretty. so i did something i've never learned how to do in the sixteen years of mi existence, which is one of the reasons i am fat, I SHARED mi food that i waited all day to eat. i shared with mi mom who happily helped me. i think she ate like one all by herself cause i shared both. then mi dad got on a guilt trip and gave us his last RBPC which mom and i split. so to recap, over the course of mi fast mi dad had( the following info may be triggering):
3 RBPC
4 crab and shrimp eggrolls
1 bowl Miso soup
2 coconut thingys
5 peanut butter cups
bluberry yogurt
1 odwalla Mo'Beta smoothie
Oh i forgot the Whole Foods trek i had to go through. Mi dad and i went to WF, and he had the yogurt, peanut butter cups, and odwalla drink, as well as a shitload of samples. i just about had to run away from him. it was horrible. at WF i was just sipping a Klarbrunn (0 cals, sparkling flavored water, but not really flavored) and trying not to strangle him. Gawd he's such an ASS. always "Testing me and building" mi "strength". Ya, sure. that's why he's still a big ole fattie who's continually asking if he lost weight. no FAT ASS you have not lost weight!!!! Sorry for the vent it just gets to me. i try to help him but i can't.
Funny story to end this with:
I thought i was being so smart a few days ago when i thought i would make mi own caffiene pills. mi parents have these vcap things which are empty and can be filled with watever so i figured i would fill it with ground coffee. i did this super secret mission to spirit away the coffee and caps to mi room and prepared to carry out mi operation. however as i was about to fill the caps i looked at the coffee and saw the words that became the bane of mi existence: DECAFFINATED. mi parents have been drinking decaf forever. when they go to a restaurant, decaf, when they go to starbucks, decaf so why would i think that the coffee they BUY would be not decaf. i'm smart but sometimes i am so stupid, lol. i have a straight 4.0 GPA at a major university and i can't figure out that mi parents would drink decaf coffee. Hope that gave you guys a laugh.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
so i fasted yesterday. i was climbing up walls though not so much because i was hungry but because of what i had around me. earlier yesterday around noon my parents and i went to this chinese bakery and bought me two of those wonderful red bean paste cakes. i was cool, everyone knew i wasn't going to eat them until mi fast was over so no pressure. NEway, my dad and i dropped my mom off at her job at 4pm and had to amuse ourselves until about 11pm when we would go and drive out to a suburb to pick her up (she works at a hospital). so mi dad being all greedy and everything went BACK to the afore mentioned bakery and bought two more RBPC and a coconut flake thingy. it was no big deal as i still had mi RBPC. that was until mi dad decided that he had to go to Joy Yee Noodle. okay the thing about Joy Yee is that everything is a F*!&ing trigger. yes, EVERYTHING. mi dad ordered Miso Soup (something i could eat and do eat on nonfast days) and crab and shrimp eggrolls. Gawd help me. I just sat there sipping water pretending like none this is fazing me. soooo much of a lie. but i stayed strong and didn't break. As soon as 1 am hit(i had a late dinner the other day) i went for the RBPC. but then i saw miself in mi minds eye and thought that i looked like a ravenous hungry beast( i wasn't all that hungry, just wanted the RBPC) and i didn't think it looked pretty. so i did something i've never learned how to do in the sixteen years of mi existence, which is one of the reasons i am fat, I SHARED mi food that i waited all day to eat. i shared with mi mom who happily helped me. i think she ate like one all by herself cause i shared both. then mi dad got on a guilt trip and gave us his last RBPC which mom and i split. so to recap, over the course of mi fast mi dad had( the following info may be triggering):
3 RBPC
4 crab and shrimp eggrolls
1 bowl Miso soup
2 coconut thingys
5 peanut butter cups
bluberry yogurt
1 odwalla Mo'Beta smoothie
Oh i forgot the Whole Foods trek i had to go through. Mi dad and i went to WF, and he had the yogurt, peanut butter cups, and odwalla drink, as well as a shitload of samples. i just about had to run away from him. it was horrible. at WF i was just sipping a Klarbrunn (0 cals, sparkling flavored water, but not really flavored) and trying not to strangle him. Gawd he's such an ASS. always "Testing me and building" mi "strength". Ya, sure. that's why he's still a big ole fattie who's continually asking if he lost weight. no FAT ASS you have not lost weight!!!! Sorry for the vent it just gets to me. i try to help him but i can't.
Funny story to end this with:
I thought i was being so smart a few days ago when i thought i would make mi own caffiene pills. mi parents have these vcap things which are empty and can be filled with watever so i figured i would fill it with ground coffee. i did this super secret mission to spirit away the coffee and caps to mi room and prepared to carry out mi operation. however as i was about to fill the caps i looked at the coffee and saw the words that became the bane of mi existence: DECAFFINATED. mi parents have been drinking decaf forever. when they go to a restaurant, decaf, when they go to starbucks, decaf so why would i think that the coffee they BUY would be not decaf. i'm smart but sometimes i am so stupid, lol. i have a straight 4.0 GPA at a major university and i can't figure out that mi parents would drink decaf coffee. Hope that gave you guys a laugh.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Damn I keep forgetting things!
ALSO
My mom and dad think the whole checkboard plan is fantastic. i didn't tell them it was ana, just explained logic and they loved it. God i love my parents!!! THEY ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR ME.
XOXOXO,
SCARLET <3
My mom and dad think the whole checkboard plan is fantastic. i didn't tell them it was ana, just explained logic and they loved it. God i love my parents!!! THEY ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR ME.
XOXOXO,
SCARLET <3
Progress I forgot to mention
Oh yeah, I lost:
1.5 inches off waist(34" now!)
1.5 INCHES OFF HIPS/BUTT(49" THANK GOD!!!)
2" off bust sice i last checked last year (36" now!!)
This is the third week of mi fast( fruit, vegetables, seaweed, water and any derivatives of such) and i am looking good!! going to keep going and when i do the checkerboard plan (see last post) i will be skinny by the end of the year. BTW i will be a better blogger. long posts now!
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3 :)
1.5 inches off waist(34" now!)
1.5 INCHES OFF HIPS/BUTT(49" THANK GOD!!!)
2" off bust sice i last checked last year (36" now!!)
This is the third week of mi fast( fruit, vegetables, seaweed, water and any derivatives of such) and i am looking good!! going to keep going and when i do the checkerboard plan (see last post) i will be skinny by the end of the year. BTW i will be a better blogger. long posts now!
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3 :)
Carefree Ana
Hey Y'all,
I did mi fast yesterday and never even got hungry. it was surprisingly easy. I was reading some of you guys' blogs and i felt the pain and suffering we anas go thru everyday. Restricting, binging, hating, weighing, seeing the damage and then doing it over. and over. and OVER. so i set out to devise a plan to fix this. I call it : CAREFREE ANA (also known as checkerboarding to me).
Carefree Ana Plan:
Fast every other day faithfully. on days when you are not fasting, eat normally. Yes, NORMALLY. this will keep your body in limbo as it cannot slow metabolism after 1 day fast and your metabolism is forced to come back in a ravenous full force when you eat and then get nothing the day after that. This also will cut down on your discovery. if people see you eating every other day they can't say they never see you eat. therefore you won't have to worry about rehab or whatever. Be carefull not to binge. binging will not completely ruin everything but you will not lose and you will not gain. if this logic seems skewed, think about the last time you fasted or highly highly restricted and then you were forced to eat normally. you lost weight right? that's because the body thinks you've "broken down" and lets go of fat reserves and acts like the fat kid in a candy store, gobbling up everything in site. once this happens you fast again. the body says OH SHIT cause it let go of reserves and has no choice but to eat all of your extra weight away.
Also, be sure to keep your colon clean. don't go spazzy with the laxies, but take enemas or something just to clear everything out and make you lose weight faster. also, go to calorieking.com or something right after you weigh yourself and see how many calories you need to stay at your current weight. this is your MAX INTAKE on days when you aren't fasting. don't go over or you will start to kill your deficit on your fasting days. Also, the MAX INTAKE is your CALORIE DEFICIT on fasting days.
say for example you need 1500 calories to stay at your current weight and you fast every other day (364 divided by 2), which comes out to 182 days of 1500 cal deficit which means that you blast 78lbs a year! (I kno y'all are saying HELLS YES rite about now). it keeps binges down cause you're eating and you get to burn hella calories. you will have enough energy to work out so don't be a slacker OK!
NEway, when you get to goal weight it will be easy to maintain because your body is used to your MAX INTAKE so you can eat normally and not get fat. it's foolproof and easy!
so like i was saying i fasted yesterday and ate today, none too shabby. i didn't eat everything in site, a lot of fruit and a smoothie and i'll admit i had a little treat: a red bean paste cake from chinatown. estimated:200 cals, so not too bad and a tasty treat. not that i do it often, normally just on weekends. Ialso did twenty minutes on mi stationary bike this morning! yay!
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3 :)
I did mi fast yesterday and never even got hungry. it was surprisingly easy. I was reading some of you guys' blogs and i felt the pain and suffering we anas go thru everyday. Restricting, binging, hating, weighing, seeing the damage and then doing it over. and over. and OVER. so i set out to devise a plan to fix this. I call it : CAREFREE ANA (also known as checkerboarding to me).
Carefree Ana Plan:
Fast every other day faithfully. on days when you are not fasting, eat normally. Yes, NORMALLY. this will keep your body in limbo as it cannot slow metabolism after 1 day fast and your metabolism is forced to come back in a ravenous full force when you eat and then get nothing the day after that. This also will cut down on your discovery. if people see you eating every other day they can't say they never see you eat. therefore you won't have to worry about rehab or whatever. Be carefull not to binge. binging will not completely ruin everything but you will not lose and you will not gain. if this logic seems skewed, think about the last time you fasted or highly highly restricted and then you were forced to eat normally. you lost weight right? that's because the body thinks you've "broken down" and lets go of fat reserves and acts like the fat kid in a candy store, gobbling up everything in site. once this happens you fast again. the body says OH SHIT cause it let go of reserves and has no choice but to eat all of your extra weight away.
Also, be sure to keep your colon clean. don't go spazzy with the laxies, but take enemas or something just to clear everything out and make you lose weight faster. also, go to calorieking.com or something right after you weigh yourself and see how many calories you need to stay at your current weight. this is your MAX INTAKE on days when you aren't fasting. don't go over or you will start to kill your deficit on your fasting days. Also, the MAX INTAKE is your CALORIE DEFICIT on fasting days.
say for example you need 1500 calories to stay at your current weight and you fast every other day (364 divided by 2), which comes out to 182 days of 1500 cal deficit which means that you blast 78lbs a year! (I kno y'all are saying HELLS YES rite about now). it keeps binges down cause you're eating and you get to burn hella calories. you will have enough energy to work out so don't be a slacker OK!
NEway, when you get to goal weight it will be easy to maintain because your body is used to your MAX INTAKE so you can eat normally and not get fat. it's foolproof and easy!
so like i was saying i fasted yesterday and ate today, none too shabby. i didn't eat everything in site, a lot of fruit and a smoothie and i'll admit i had a little treat: a red bean paste cake from chinatown. estimated:200 cals, so not too bad and a tasty treat. not that i do it often, normally just on weekends. Ialso did twenty minutes on mi stationary bike this morning! yay!
XOXOXO,
Scarlet <3 :)
Monday, July 20, 2009
OMG such a bad blogger/ fasting
Hey Y'all,
so I'm fasting today because i feel fat and i have only a few days to get at least noticably thin before AUGUST 24, 2009!!! That is the first day of school and i want, no need to be thin. I'm doing well so i'll catch you guys l8r.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet
so I'm fasting today because i feel fat and i have only a few days to get at least noticably thin before AUGUST 24, 2009!!! That is the first day of school and i want, no need to be thin. I'm doing well so i'll catch you guys l8r.
XOXOXO,
Scarlet
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Just a song that is good thinspo that most ppl don't know about
Hey Y'all,
I'm still on mi fast and doing really well and my soreness from my fall on friday are gone(not sure if i told y'all about that.). I made a playlist of thinspo songs on my computer and found this one is highly thinspo and i've never seen it on a list. this is Fefe Dobson's "Julia":
Julia lyrics
Tell me this is not the end
Julia
You, my love, my oldest friend
Julia
I see you with flowers in your hair
Julia
Running around without a care
Your days were numbered
Yeah
And I want you to know
You're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
Let the sunlight show your face
Julia
No one knows you in this place
Julia
I see there's a distance in your eyes
Julia
Can I even reach you if I try
Or is this goodbye
And I want you to knowYou're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
I will shine my light of hope
And change and everything that
Might have beenIf you'd only hear my warning
If you'd only hear me calling
I would shine my light on you
Tell me this is not the end
Julia
You, my love, my oldest friend
Julia
You put your faith in dreams that kill
Julia
Lying with beauty, breath so still
She couldn't be trusted
Yeah
And I want you to know
You're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
That has to be about ana, right?
xoxoxo,
Scarlet <3
I'm still on mi fast and doing really well and my soreness from my fall on friday are gone(not sure if i told y'all about that.). I made a playlist of thinspo songs on my computer and found this one is highly thinspo and i've never seen it on a list. this is Fefe Dobson's "Julia":
Julia lyrics
Tell me this is not the end
Julia
You, my love, my oldest friend
Julia
I see you with flowers in your hair
Julia
Running around without a care
Your days were numbered
Yeah
And I want you to know
You're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
Let the sunlight show your face
Julia
No one knows you in this place
Julia
I see there's a distance in your eyes
Julia
Can I even reach you if I try
Or is this goodbye
And I want you to knowYou're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
I will shine my light of hope
And change and everything that
Might have beenIf you'd only hear my warning
If you'd only hear me calling
I would shine my light on you
Tell me this is not the end
Julia
You, my love, my oldest friend
Julia
You put your faith in dreams that kill
Julia
Lying with beauty, breath so still
She couldn't be trusted
Yeah
And I want you to know
You're doing this to yourself
Time to show me the will to change
And I swear I will help you
I will
I will shine my light on you
That has to be about ana, right?
xoxoxo,
Scarlet <3
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Weekend!!!
Ok i'm still on mi fast but yesterday i had a little fun. I went to this restaurant w/ mi fam and i kno wat u'r thinking: O mi God restaurants r evil!!! not to worry girls, i handled this one fairly well.
Wat i ate yesterday:
1 miso soup(basically broth & tofu)
sichuan(can't remember how to spell it) broccoli in garlic sauce(very tasty and low cal)
1 pomergranate peach smoothie( all fruit! and totally yummy)
1 bag of dried mangos( ok this cost me a little 400cals but i will never do it again)
I felt really good for mi strength. mi dad is not on the fast so he eats watever he wants. the following info may be triggering so skip to next paragraph if u'r weak( not that that's bad or NEthing)
wat mi dad ate yesterday:
6 crab ragoons( oooh i think i almost hated him 4 that, they're mi favs)
1 HUGE chicken wonton soup(intoxicating)
1 mango smoothie w/ yogurt(O_0 yogurt, softserve tasty...)
2 peanut butter bars at 513 cals each
so yeah there was major temptation there but i stood stong w/ mi mom. All i have to do now is learn the art of leaving something behind and then move to leaving most of it.
I took a tumble on friday and i'll admit i was trying to cheat. there was frozen bread in mi freezer so i was trying to sneak it to mi backporch so it could thaw. i tripped on a chair, flew three feet, mi wrist slammed into the concrete slab step(from kitchen to enclosed porch) and mi shoulder went into the backporch floor, with mi knee going into the kitchen floor. yeah, super fun. mi dad was coming back there so i dragged miself to a pot and shoved the loaf in it before he could see it. i forgot about it as i tried to deswell mi wrist, and l8r when i went back there to retrieve the loaf i figured ana was trying to tell me something and i put it back in the freezer( yay me). if i'd done that to start with i wouldn't still have a sore wrist, shoulder, and knee.
so that's mi weekend so far. love u guys!
xoxoxo,
Scarlet
Wat i ate yesterday:
1 miso soup(basically broth & tofu)
sichuan(can't remember how to spell it) broccoli in garlic sauce(very tasty and low cal)
1 pomergranate peach smoothie( all fruit! and totally yummy)
1 bag of dried mangos( ok this cost me a little 400cals but i will never do it again)
I felt really good for mi strength. mi dad is not on the fast so he eats watever he wants. the following info may be triggering so skip to next paragraph if u'r weak( not that that's bad or NEthing)
wat mi dad ate yesterday:
6 crab ragoons( oooh i think i almost hated him 4 that, they're mi favs)
1 HUGE chicken wonton soup(intoxicating)
1 mango smoothie w/ yogurt(O_0 yogurt, softserve tasty...)
2 peanut butter bars at 513 cals each
so yeah there was major temptation there but i stood stong w/ mi mom. All i have to do now is learn the art of leaving something behind and then move to leaving most of it.
I took a tumble on friday and i'll admit i was trying to cheat. there was frozen bread in mi freezer so i was trying to sneak it to mi backporch so it could thaw. i tripped on a chair, flew three feet, mi wrist slammed into the concrete slab step(from kitchen to enclosed porch) and mi shoulder went into the backporch floor, with mi knee going into the kitchen floor. yeah, super fun. mi dad was coming back there so i dragged miself to a pot and shoved the loaf in it before he could see it. i forgot about it as i tried to deswell mi wrist, and l8r when i went back there to retrieve the loaf i figured ana was trying to tell me something and i put it back in the freezer( yay me). if i'd done that to start with i wouldn't still have a sore wrist, shoulder, and knee.
so that's mi weekend so far. love u guys!
xoxoxo,
Scarlet
Friday, July 10, 2009
Hey y'all! this is day five and i'm doing well! So you guys are going to be so proud of me, the cals yesterdday were 405 and 310 of those were liquid cals from carrot and fruit juice. yay! so much progress and i wasn't even hungry( well not ravenous should i say) and i can feel myself shrinking! Reading a bunch of ana books. finshed Wintergirls, started Stick Figure. I love Borders, read for free! Gotta get a cal counter book, i over estimate for what i don't know much about. need a big ole database to calm mi nerves. i'll feel better. so anyway not much to say, catch y'all later!
Be strong and stay Scarlet!
xoxo
Scarlet
Thin.Beautiful.Empty.Ana
Be strong and stay Scarlet!
xoxo
Scarlet
Thin.Beautiful.Empty.Ana
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Day 3 of Fast!! Realizing mi limits
So hey y'all!
I'm still doing well and because I'm a baby ana i have to realize mi limits. yesterday i had a killer migrane and had to eat a banana :(. not a binge but not wat I wanted to eat. so i decided to include watermelon w/mi fast. i think i would've done better if my mom had juiced carrots on monday. but i went w/o for 2 days and mi body couldn't handle it. I'm still feeling the hunger(good stuff!) and so far I've lost one inch off mi waist. I should tell u guys that i don't have a scale and don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting near one. I went to this hotel furniture resale shop n they had a scale but their scales are hinky and always come up w/ 270lb, or 180lb, neither of which are rite(ya, BIG difference). so I try to think in mi head wat i weigh, but i just am going to stick w/inches...they never lie!
Nothing interesting has been going on lately, I just got an email from JF, this fat girl at mi church who hates me bcause i have a better GPA than her and go to a better school! HA!. she's trying to get me in this special christian kids group full of ppl like her. maybe mi section will be better as mi school is ranked higher than hers(hahaha). Can you tell I luv competition??
Okay guys, xoxo and stay strong and always be Scarlet <3
Thin.Beautiful.Empty.Ana
I'm still doing well and because I'm a baby ana i have to realize mi limits. yesterday i had a killer migrane and had to eat a banana :(. not a binge but not wat I wanted to eat. so i decided to include watermelon w/mi fast. i think i would've done better if my mom had juiced carrots on monday. but i went w/o for 2 days and mi body couldn't handle it. I'm still feeling the hunger(good stuff!) and so far I've lost one inch off mi waist. I should tell u guys that i don't have a scale and don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting near one. I went to this hotel furniture resale shop n they had a scale but their scales are hinky and always come up w/ 270lb, or 180lb, neither of which are rite(ya, BIG difference). so I try to think in mi head wat i weigh, but i just am going to stick w/inches...they never lie!
Nothing interesting has been going on lately, I just got an email from JF, this fat girl at mi church who hates me bcause i have a better GPA than her and go to a better school! HA!. she's trying to get me in this special christian kids group full of ppl like her. maybe mi section will be better as mi school is ranked higher than hers(hahaha). Can you tell I luv competition??
Okay guys, xoxo and stay strong and always be Scarlet <3
Thin.Beautiful.Empty.Ana
Monday, July 6, 2009
Day one of 40 day fast
Hi everyone!
I'm Scarlet which is of course not mi real name, but embodies what i stand for. I am an aspiring Anorexic who is on her way there. Rite now I am too big to list weights, so if i give weight updates it will be in sizes. rite now my size is 18(pause for huge gasps) yaa...so I'm trying to get that down. my first goal size(gs) is size 8 because that's what normal girls are. I'm tall so I'm shooting for somewhere like size 5 or 6 as final gs. if that sounds big i'm sorry. I'm only sixteen so i can't get scary skinny. plus as much as I'd like, I can't let Ana completely rule mi life bcause I am also in college, going into Junior year this fall (yea!) so i can't not focus on school or I'll lose my amazing gpa.
Now that intros are out the way, rite now i am on my 40 day fast that is guaranteed to help me shed these ugly pounds and reach gs 1 by august 15. today is day one,but i'm doing really well, feeling good. Now mi fast is a little different than wat u guys may be used to. i'm not not eating nething, i'm only eating a small amount of one thing, but there's a reason 4 that. the one thing is seaweed, which will keep my metabolism running full speed ahead. if my metabolism goes to crap i'm dead, so i'm spreading one small bowl (about 1and a half cups, maybe two) of seaweed over the day so my metabolism will always be working, and also seaweed aids in speeding up metabolism. every thing else is going to be water and about 6 ounces of carrot juice(100%, i juice it miself) per day. by my calcs I should lose a lot of weight, maybe even 80 pounds by the time i go back to school. I also work out like a maniac so that will help. I am not in a desperate ""got to hide the not eating" like a lot of my fellow anas. this is because my parents and i are very close and i just told them i need to detox/religion/lose weight. because i've never shown NE initiative in the weight loss dept. they are behind me 100%. I love food, but it seems to hate me. So i am doing all of this for me.
Fat has ruined most of my life and while I'm still young I want to know wat it's like to be thin and beautiful. even if i can't reach ana level beautiful i at least want to be slim and normal. any and all encouragement is appreciated.
xoxo,
stay strong,
Scarlet
Thin. Beautiful.Empty.Ana
I'm Scarlet which is of course not mi real name, but embodies what i stand for. I am an aspiring Anorexic who is on her way there. Rite now I am too big to list weights, so if i give weight updates it will be in sizes. rite now my size is 18(pause for huge gasps) yaa...so I'm trying to get that down. my first goal size(gs) is size 8 because that's what normal girls are. I'm tall so I'm shooting for somewhere like size 5 or 6 as final gs. if that sounds big i'm sorry. I'm only sixteen so i can't get scary skinny. plus as much as I'd like, I can't let Ana completely rule mi life bcause I am also in college, going into Junior year this fall (yea!) so i can't not focus on school or I'll lose my amazing gpa.
Now that intros are out the way, rite now i am on my 40 day fast that is guaranteed to help me shed these ugly pounds and reach gs 1 by august 15. today is day one,but i'm doing really well, feeling good. Now mi fast is a little different than wat u guys may be used to. i'm not not eating nething, i'm only eating a small amount of one thing, but there's a reason 4 that. the one thing is seaweed, which will keep my metabolism running full speed ahead. if my metabolism goes to crap i'm dead, so i'm spreading one small bowl (about 1and a half cups, maybe two) of seaweed over the day so my metabolism will always be working, and also seaweed aids in speeding up metabolism. every thing else is going to be water and about 6 ounces of carrot juice(100%, i juice it miself) per day. by my calcs I should lose a lot of weight, maybe even 80 pounds by the time i go back to school. I also work out like a maniac so that will help. I am not in a desperate ""got to hide the not eating" like a lot of my fellow anas. this is because my parents and i are very close and i just told them i need to detox/religion/lose weight. because i've never shown NE initiative in the weight loss dept. they are behind me 100%. I love food, but it seems to hate me. So i am doing all of this for me.
Fat has ruined most of my life and while I'm still young I want to know wat it's like to be thin and beautiful. even if i can't reach ana level beautiful i at least want to be slim and normal. any and all encouragement is appreciated.
xoxo,
stay strong,
Scarlet
Thin. Beautiful.Empty.Ana
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