Monday, April 12, 2010


Hello lovelys!
So exciting news! I am now an accomplished and highly acclaimed pro-ana blogger! yay! Thanks to Charlie (thanks babe) who gave me this lovely Sunshine Award!

Here are the rules:

1. post this logo within blog post.

2. pass award on to 5 fellow bloggers.

3. link to nominees within your post.

4. let the nominees know they've received an award by commenting on their blog.

5. share the love! link the person from whom received the sunshine award.

so who oh who will I award this to?
1) Becca (Losing Pounds To Find Myself...): She's a great person who's always so supportive to me! She's also fun and does awesome stuff like the ten random things she put up not to long ago!
2) Skinnybusiness (Whisps of Gypsy): This girl is sooooo thinspiring and I adore her! She has worked out hardcore for three hours straight, rested, and then did it again! She's an awesome commenter and she is always giving a new insight!
3) M-ilie (Thinking Thin As Always...): M-ilie is a newbie here, but I feel as though she's been here forever!!!! She's always on the move and trying out new plans and she's an amazing person!!!
4)Mina Belle (Dreams To Be Desired): Omgosh I read this girl's blog from the very, very, VERY beginning!!!! I found her so thinspiring because she reminded a little of myself. She's always up to something, and her motivation is always there, even when she doesn't think it is :)
5) Jenny (I WILL BE PERFECT): She was my very first real friend here on blogger. She's hilarious and awesome and she's one of the nicest, sweetest people I know! She's not blogging a lot nowadays, but I hope she comes back soon! I miss her nice comments and reading about her awesome controllageness (a jen original word! haha)
...and if you didn't the list do not get mad at me!!! I love you all and I wish I had a longer list!!!!!
And now back to your regularly scheduled blog!!!!
soooo, things haven't been going that well lately. I went out with the fam yesterday. We went to whole foods and i was okay with my kale salad and a vegan cookie, until i read the back of the cookie wrapper post stuffing my face with it:
Cals per serving: 268
Servings per container: 2
TWO!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!! But then i said if i didnt eat anything else i would be okay. but then we went somewhere else and wound up going to ANOTHER whole foods in a different fucking town (okay a suburb but still!!!!) where we bought this container with 18 nonvegan sugar cookies! that's six cookies a person people! and i ate them all. SHITSHITSHITSHIT.  then i had some lollipops. how cute. when i got home i grabbed some sparkling water, a banana, and then ran up to my bathroom. i ate the banana, downed the water, moved around for a while and then purged. and everything came up :)
okay i mean obviously the calories were absorbed, but i felt weird all day, physically sick from knowing how many cals i'd had. so i thought, fresh start today! no go. i binged on a HUGE bowl of cereal and a mango and did the whole shit all over again. i don't want to be mia. there are no monsters here, i will not be controlled, i must be IN CONTROL. so, gonna try not to purge anytime soon. i keep feeling weird, just like really blubbery. i think i'm being triggered by my mom. she weighs so much fucking less than me and it's freaking me out. she weighs 165!  i am still above 210!! in fact today she was talking about one of her fatty coworkers and my dad was all how much does she weigh?
about 250.
oh how tall is she?
about scarlet's height.
i practically fell on the floor and died. it was RIDICULOUS. i used to be that. literally, like in august! omg was i the tops of a fatty! oh i've been taking some hits to my self-esteem lately.
but i wil not be depressed or sad, just gotta get control of the figure. that or get my mom a filter for her brain. gosh.
i am feeling good though, i got an A on my fluid mechanics exam, WOOOOT!!! yayayayayay! tomorrow i am gonna take a picture with J because i missed him on thursday, and hopefully i'll run into NM (my thirty year old honorary older brother, lol) and get his pic. i'm gonna get A to take J and I's pic, because A has a big fancy camera and i trust him with my little coolpix, lol.
oh, btw i am gonna weigh in on thursday, see how much i've lost in 21 days!
also, if this post has bad capitalization, it's because i wrote this post on my computer and i depend on my blackberry to autocorrect all of my capitalizations! hahahaha.


  1. Hey! Thanks for your sweet comment the other day on my blog. It really meant a lot. I've been meaning to tell you but its been a weird few days...

    Ugh, I'm sorry your mom said that to you :( Do be careful with mia because its a messy trap that's hard to get out of. Though sometimes I wish I could get it back because my hair is falling out right now from not eating enough...

    Just be careful. Undoing mia damage takes a loooong time. Girl, you have lost a ton of weight, you are doing great, and I am here to support you and cheer you on :)

  2. Omg thank you so much for saying that its so sweet, please dont worry about this tiny insignificent little binge, honestley im always doing it but i bet you havent even gained, remember 3666 calories to make a pound, think posotive and youll be back on track in no time, btw im going to put you as one of my "nominees" for the sunshine award :L stay strong x

  3. Aww, thanks for your comment. When I saw you gave me the sunshine thingy it made my very crap day have a happy spot and it was just what I needed. And oh my fucking gad I hate when you think your eating an inoccent cookie and then your suspicious so you check it and you really fucked. Hate hate hate it. I've kinda been haveing a bingey week so ya, it really does happen to ever body. It really sucks they think you wiegh that much when you are doing so well and you have lost so much. I'm sorry you had to hear about it and I bet you prove them all wrong. You get closer every day and I'm so proud of you. Lol, I wish I knew you in real life because via the blogs you are one of my best friends. Well thank you so much for the award. <3's you forever. :)

  4. yaaaaay! thank you for the sunshine award! I'm so sorry I haven't been around as much lately to give you support. but, you're doing really great, even if you have a few mishaps (aaaah, the vegan cookie story almost made me pee myself. you would think a vegan cookie would have like, NO calories!!!) but heck, my entire last week has been a bingefest (okay, not really, but high numbers, but no gain is good!)

    miss you TONS, and thanks SO MUCH for always being sweet and encouraging! :) you girls really make me feel so much less alone in this god-forsaken stater of oklahoma!

  5. Oh babe, reading back your last few posts - you're doing so well!!! Keep going. I so admire you. You've done and you're still doing amazing. Stay strong!

    Lots of love

    Holly x x x

  6. girl you make me smile, i love reading your posts. looking back at pictures of me, just from the fall, makes me want to vomit! i was so fat! but we've made it this far, and we can keep going! <3Sam